Is this going to cause a massive family rift?

He will do exactly the same to your kid OP. It’s really important you choose another godparent.

someone needs to be the one to put a stop to your brothers behaviour - & if not you, then who. What will happen when your Mum is too elderly/infirm or has died - because surely even if he is distraught with the loss of his/your Mum he will also be upset at the loss of this accustomed lifestyle you are all enabling now.

My younger brother (56 yrs old) moved back to stay at our elderly mothers home just over a year ago with a relationship break down & so much of what has been said upthread really resonated with me - on Tuesday he has gone to stay at this (sort of) partners home with their children & his ex told our Mum she'd bring him back next week.
Oh no - thats a huge big fat No, so I have emailed her & explained the difficulties he has created here & so if their relationship doesnt work out they need to find other living situations for him (he hasnt worked since his mid 20's, hes now 56 - a whole other story). No return, do not pass GO.

So what I mean here is - someone has to break the cycle, it might not be the whole solution but its got to start somewhere. Because the result of what your brother is doing now may be a bigger problem for you down the track.
Good luck

£300 to paint a wardrobe!! You could pay a professional less than that! And it wouldn’t look like a child had done it..

But why wasn't the cruelty towards your pet a wake up call for you?

I am shocked by this too. He left your dog crying and alone whilst he went out partying and it’s the wardrobe being painted poorly that’s the last straw?!!!!

Don’t you care about your poor dog? He sounds like a vile creature., what a great role model for your kids 🙄

But why wasn't the cruelty towards your pet a wake up call for you?

Painting a wardrobe badly is nothing compared to intentionally causing distress to a living creature.

I know you're saying things are more nuanced but it's NOT loving to only show love on your terms, however 'loving' those bits of his time seem.

Given how badly he took care of your dog, it was very foolish ask him to do the painting and asking him to be godfather! I wouldn't be paying him anything. He didn't finish the job you asked him to do.

It doesn’t really matter what your brother or DM want, they’ve created their own dynamic and there’s nothing you can do to change that.

What’s important is what your own immediate family want which for now is what your DH wants. If he doesn’t want to pay your brother then that’s your decision. If you’ve grown up as a people pleaser it’s hard to assert yourself.

Take the family/ emotion link out of it and look at it in a business manner. You commissioned a job for a set price. This was accepted. The commission wasn't fulfilled.... therefore no payment!

Did you pay him for the time he “looked after” your dog? You know, the time he left it crying alone for 10 hours?

If you did, I think that’s kind of what people mean by making excuses for him. None of his actions have consequences do they. How would you feel if he babysat your kids (for money of course, he doesn’t do anything for free I assume) and then went out with his mates all evening, leaving them alone? That totally sounds like something he’d do

Re the original dilemma, say you can’t afford to pay him as you now have to pay someone else to first fix what he did and then start from scratch. One way to look at things is if it’s something you would never dream of doing to someone, why put up with it from someone else?

And that's fine OP - you just need to disengage to the point where you NEVER have him doing jobs for you. Well done on trying to make the change and escape this doom spiral - it isn't easy, especially as you clearly love him and want the best for him.

Just carry on then. Pay him. Keep asking him to do things. Have him as godparent showing your kids how to get away with doing fuck all in life and sponging off other people

This. It doesnt sound like you want to change things at all- you keep making pathetic excuses for him- "fun uncle" etc. You say you dont want to be his mummy but thats exactly what you are acting like. Paying him for painting a wardrobe FFS and looking after your dog (he behaved extremely cruelly there btw and that should serve as a huge red flag to you). Good grief, I am surprised you dont go round there to wipe his arse for him after he has a poo.

Carry on as you are and I can guarantee you this will come back to bite you on the arse once your parents pass. You will then be the one supporting this fully grown man, making his meals, doing his laundry, paying him his weekly pocket money all like a good mummy.

Why the hell is your family bankrolling this scrounging wanker? He’s fucking awful, and he’s like this because you all keep indulging him. Don’t pay him and don’t make him your child’s godparent, ffs, he isn’t even reliable enough to look after a dog or paint a wardrobe so it’s pretty obvious he’ll end up making promises to your child and repeatedly letting them down.

Ah OP, I really feel for you - DH has a brother like this, who was enabled by the family from his teenage years after they lost their dad. Everyone made excuses for his flaky behaviour / inability to get to school / college / get a job and eventually he turned into a giant mooching jobless baby. Yes he was fun with our kids, but his learned helplessness and sponging off his DM drove me mad, to the point where I could barely bear to hold a conversation with him as I found him and his attitude so frustrating. I suspect your DH may feel the same about your DB if you scratch the surface. Anyway, when DM died I made it clear that the enabling was over. He now has a job, is happier and I actually love him.

Unfortunately it seems you can't change your family (unless guiding them to therapy will help), so removing your new family unit from him will be the best thing to do. It's sad, but necessary - you don't want him in a position where he can let you down again as it's so wearing (and the cruelty to your dog is unforgiveable). Also - do NOT pay for the whole of the painting. Half at most. Say you are stretched as you have a baby / maternity leave on the way & now need the cash for the remedial work. Let him learn.

I know a few blokes like this.
Generally failed actors who have had some kind of breakdown (normally involving alcohol or drugs) then found spirituality or an NLP course. Has he done either of those yet? If not it's coming....

I wouldn't pay but if you feel you have to bung him £20 and disengage.

He does love them very much

LOLOL he loves them soooo much that he half arsed a painting job for your baby (he was probably drunk whilst doing it) then tried to charge you money for his crappy lazy paint job. But sure, he's super loving.

If he really loved them he'd have done it for free, not tried to screw money out of you for something that clearly took him 10 minutes after 15 cans of Stella.

That isnt "love" btw.

It seems like one of your main worries about this situation is if you do stop tolerating his behaviour and stand up to him, then the rest of your family will say "Oh you are being hard on him, he's just depressed you meanie."

I completely understand why you don't want that incessant dialogue visited apon you.

As Galling as it is, do what it takes to put this latest nonsense to bed so that you can move on from it and stop being stressed/annoyed by it.
This might mean paying him all or a portion of the fee. But it might be worth it to shut this down. But Get a printed quote from the replacement painter for fixing his work ( and a pic of that too) and send it to any relative who complains or gossips about this, so that the facts are not misrepresented. (not that it is any of their business).
Then take a GIANT step back. Let the rest of the family deal with him. Its not your job to get involved in all his drama.
You don't have to make a statement about it or argue the point with any relatives. Dont discuss him at all. Dont get into situations where he can visit his behavour on you. "Sorry, we've already got a dog sitter for next year, I can't let them down by cancelling (even if you haven't), Sorry I've already paid a deposit for someone to paint ect... " even if these are little white lies. Just quietly move to the side.
You have a new baby and your own family unit and that is your focus. Its actually a brilliant excuse too.
The less involved you are, the less you have to get into these scrapes with him.
Up to now, you've been expecting him to do things that realistically he will never be able to deliver on. You know what he is like now. You know what your family's attitude is, so avoid situations where he's going to pull you into his mess again like the plague. That's not to say dislike him or stop chatting with him or going to family gatherings, but don't volunteer and bat away any suggestions of him getting involved in any of your projects or childcare. If you ask nothing of him, he cannot let you down.

You can probably have several godparents too. So if he has to be a gp, then pick another responsible one/two as well so that it doesn't drive you mad. Perhaps if you do this his impact on the rest of the family will be greater and they will start to see his behaviour more clearly but you will be less troubled by it.