Is this going to cause a massive family rift?

I think you need to kill them with kindness here OP - maybe a little cry about how worried you are about him, painting is his hobby so he must be so depressed not to be able to motivate himself to do this when he can do other things like go to the pub, obviously giving him money won’t fix the root cause but you’ll make him a GP appointment etc etc etc.

Or you can just be brutally honest and ask why his feelings always matter so much more than yours

he’s not a father so the responsibility level or expectation isn’t the same. However I would never let him watch my dog again, or babysit.
What's that got to do with anything? Seriously OP, stop being so stupid and blind. Babysitting is a thing for many a teenage girl. I remember babysitting 3 children when I was 12. I coped with that responsibility and expectation 🙄

My DB was similar. DM paid him for lots of little crappy jobs "because he needed the money" then complained about the quality of those jobs and the amount of cleaning up after him. You know what happened after she died? His life imploded, he has no clue how to be an adult and he is getting increasingly angry at the world. I told both DM and DB what would happen and it has. It's very sad, but it's also not my problem as only he can fix it but he won't because he doesn't see it's his own behaviour that needs to change. You, but especially your mother, are actually harming your DB every single week. You are handing over knives to a self harmer, a drink to an alcoholic, a packet of drugs to a drug addict, money to a grifter. This is the poor, poor man who abuses animals and doesn't even hide the fact he does it. Remember that, he wasn't even ashamed about harming or hurting another living creature. And you want him around your children? Start saying no.

He is not suffering with depression. Depression renders people unable to get out of bed, turns them into monosyllabic, withdrawn shells of themselves who will not engage with the world who can barely string a sentence together, let alone socialise with friends. He’s playing you

YANBU, but I would pay him simply to not give him and your siblings ammunition against you. Then stop agreeing to things like the dog sitting or asking him to do something.

Also, find someone else to be God father.

@Whatdoyoudowiththedrunkensailor

And another mindfuck…

I have a DD and DS.

DS has ASD, is needy and tends to bring out my maternal instincts. I could absolutely still see him living with me when I’m old and still mothering him.

DD will be the sorting things out.

I’m determined not to let this happen.

Godfather?
Oh come on, he’s not even a Christian, is he?

Work out the hours spent on it at NMW if you really must, preferable reduced by the amount extra that your second quote is.
But really, give him nothing, the leech.

And for goodness think about what a godparent is. If you’re Christians - he’s the wrong person. If you’re not Christians, having a godparent is just odd - any other religions you pinch bits of for fun? He’s already got a role: he’s an uncle.

He should be doing it for free as a gift to the baby if he is going to be godfather so I would not pay him at all. Tell your mother he needs to have medical intervention, therapy or medication. Seems like he gets away with lots of stuff. Tell him you would love him to still be godfather but not paying for a half arsed shit job.

@Whatdoyoudowiththedrunkensailor

I think there is something deeper here. It’s reminding me slightly of my own family dynamic where me/1 sibling do all the checking up on DM, support, looking after : where as the third sibling (male) is doted upon by DM, but is needy himself rather than seeing that DM needs help.

It seems to bring out all the maternal instincts in DM and me/other sibling are just astounded by the accepted unfairness in expectations. But I suspect this has been happening all our lives : he is the male, needy, golden child.

However, we don’t intervene. Personally I think this is so deeply ingrained that change would be hard, futile - and I don’t think DB is happy. I see it as a lesson when raising my own children.
I’d compromise. Show the pictures, state the cost in correcting the work - and ask him what he thinks is fair. And ask him what he’d do in a similar situation if he’d asked for some Warhammer artwork on his wall.

You could be in for another 30-40 years of this nonsense with things getting worse after your mother dies. Putting your foot down now would be a good investment for your future health and financial benefit. Other people can enable him if they want but your children are your priority. Good luck!

I’ve been following since the beginning @Whatdoyoudowiththedrunkensailor - it strikes me that he’s a big kid, hence why he gets on so well with other kids. Things go tits up when people expect or ask him to do adult things. He’s simply not ‘grown up’ enough to do them. It’s like asking an eight year old to dog sit or do the painting… you wouldn’t expect them to do it. It seems he can’t either… unless as others have said, your mum passed and he HAS to suddenly grow up

No wonder he is like what he is if you are making excuses for him. Why ask on here when you clearly are not listerning to anyone.
He is surrounded by enablers including you.
No way would this so called fun sweet uncle user be my childs god parent.

From what I’ve read about her brother I’m not convinced he’d get it tbh.

Could he have ADHD and not depression?

Before anyone jumps on me I have ADHD and he does seem to have signs of it.

Sounds like motivation is his problem but he's well able to do stuff when he's getting a dopamine hit.

You said he's also done very well at his jobs before but then decides he doesn't like it, ADHD job hopping is a thing, in your brothers case though he gets the freedom not to work because he gets cheap rent etc.

He was a pure arsehole about your dog though!

She needs to explain why?
It should go without saying surely 🤔

He didn't complete the job so at most he has earnt about one third of the money allocated.

He lied; that would make me choose another Godfather to stand beside DB, along with the Godmother.Three Godparents.

If the family start to object to no payment or low payment, offer to pay, as a gesture of good will, the first session with a professional counsellor in the hope that he can learn to manage his depression and be capable of supporting himself, meeting promises that he makes and motivate himself to be productive.

He needs the family to pull out of all enabling asssistance, and a professional to put a fire cracker under him to awaken his self preservation muscle.

I was very torn on this.
Its a tricky one but after reading updates I agree @Lucy377.

You said to try

It isn’t finished so I would deduct for not doing/ finishing the flowers but I’d explain why your deducting first.

@Whatdoyoudowiththedrunkensailor

^Yes, yes I have. He’s the brother from
the swimming trunks story.^

Oh dear OP. I remember that thread. I truly hope you manage to break this pattern you are in with this adult. If you don't he's always going to have his hand out, palm up, to you. 🌹

I'm with your DH. 🌹

Yep. NEVER again ask him to do anything because you know, being the bare faced grifter that he is, he'll let you down again.

I'm surprised you and your husband asked him to be godfather or paint the item (which is now costing you more to sort out...) after the way he mistreated your dog and left rotting food in your home. Come on now OP. Someone needs to show him that actions have consequences- this is your opportunity. 🌹