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AIBU?

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Original poster

Bf using my birthday gift with another woman

289 replies

Pookie21 · 04/04/2024 16:54

My bf got us tickets to my favourite musical for my birthday in January, unfortunately we broke up shortly after for 6 weeks, but have now been back together a month. The show is next week, I’ve organised my kids but bf told me yesterday as he couldn’t get a refund he asked friends & is now taking a female friend instead (I vaguely know of her). AIBU in thinking that as the tickets were my main birthday gift he should either have given me both to use or cancel taking the woman & take me as they were part of my gift & we are back together?
he says she helped him out by agreeing to come so doesn’t want to change her plans but if I were her I’d be happy to stand down as it was a special gift for us to enjoy together, it feels like he’s putting another woman’s feelings over mine.

OP posts:
stealthninjamum · 04/04/2024 18:05

Thanks for answering my question, I think he should’ve given you the tickets and not made other plans. If he’d given you an object like a necklace he wouldn’t have asked for it back so to me this is the same.

i would be rethinking the relationship (again!)

Noodlesmumm · 04/04/2024 18:03

DemBonesDemBones · 04/04/2024 17:00

I think I'll be in the minority but I don't think he's in the wrong. You had broken up, he invited his friend. I think it actually shows he's a nice person not ditching his mate to take you now you're back together.

Agree with th8s x

NCA24 · 04/04/2024 18:03

This would be the hill that I died on. How did he take it upon himself to give away your birthday present?

Original poster
Pookie21 · 04/04/2024 18:01

DemBonesDemBones · 04/04/2024 17:00

I think I'll be in the minority but I don't think he's in the wrong. You had broken up, he invited his friend. I think it actually shows he's a nice person not ditching his mate to take you now you're back together.

I completely see your point which is why I’m asking for advice as I’m just not sure what is ‘right’, but for me the added thing of him getting us tickets for my birthday present to my favourite musical is what makes the situation a bit complicated 😬

OP posts:
RickyGervaislovesdogs · 04/04/2024 17:58

Did he give the tickets to you? Im
confused. They were your gift, but he had them? Did you give them back?

Original poster
Pookie21 · 04/04/2024 17:58

stealthninjamum · 04/04/2024 17:40

When you broke up did he offer to give you both tickets to do what you wanted with? If he did and you declined then I can see why he’d offer one to a friend and wouldn’t want to retract it.

But if he never gave them to you then I would say he is unreasonable and I would be pissed off if I were you.

Edited

No, he didn’t. We split up towards the end of Jan, started talking again mid feb & started seeing each other again early March so he’s had plenty of time to raise it, I just assumed he’d got a refund or we’d still be going together which is why I didn’t raise it

OP posts:
Fuzziduck · 04/04/2024 17:56

They are your tickets.
Worst case, you should go with her.

HappiestSleeping · 04/04/2024 17:55

DemBonesDemBones · 04/04/2024 17:00

I think I'll be in the minority but I don't think he's in the wrong. You had broken up, he invited his friend. I think it actually shows he's a nice person not ditching his mate to take you now you're back together.

This 👆

Original poster
Pookie21 · 04/04/2024 17:55

Forhecksake · 04/04/2024 16:57

Yikes. It would make me wonder if I had been too quick to get back with him.

Same, this is the second time he’s prioritised another woman friend over me & my feelings, when this happened last time he said he didn’t care enough about the whole situation to let it bother him so I should feel the same. I made it clear he had upset me & I felt my feelings were invalid to him but he just didn’t/wouldn’t get it so I think that’s also why this feels a bit ‘off’

OP posts:
Original poster
Pookie21 · 04/04/2024 17:52

Createausername1970 · 04/04/2024 17:40

The tickets were originally a birthday present to you.

You then split up, he tried to get a refund but couldn't so he made alternative arrangements.

You have now got back together, but he is sticking with the alternative arrangements.

Well, on the basis that they were bought for you, then really he should have given them to you at the time, so you should be using them now.

But for some reason they weren't in your possession when you split up. Had you not got back together then you still wouldn't have been going.

I am undecided on this one. I can totally see where you are coming from, but I can also see that if he made alternative arrangements, then he doesn't want to let them down.

Yes I’m kind of stuck with it to as I definitely see his side…but they are for my favourite musical, for us to go together, for my birthday present 😬 I think he could at least try to change arrangements with his friend, we split because of his behaviour- it was just that I did the breaking up.

OP posts:
stealthninjamum · 04/04/2024 17:40

When you broke up did he offer to give you both tickets to do what you wanted with? If he did and you declined then I can see why he’d offer one to a friend and wouldn’t want to retract it.

But if he never gave them to you then I would say he is unreasonable and I would be pissed off if I were you.

SoupDragon · 04/04/2024 17:40

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 04/04/2024 17:28

You broke up, he invited someone else. He's not in the wrong.

Maybe not be so childish to be on/off with your boyfriend?

Of course he's in the wrong! The tickets were hers!

Createausername1970 · 04/04/2024 17:40

The tickets were originally a birthday present to you.

You then split up, he tried to get a refund but couldn't so he made alternative arrangements.

You have now got back together, but he is sticking with the alternative arrangements.

Well, on the basis that they were bought for you, then really he should have given them to you at the time, so you should be using them now.

But for some reason they weren't in your possession when you split up. Had you not got back together then you still wouldn't have been going.

I am undecided on this one. I can totally see where you are coming from, but I can also see that if he made alternative arrangements, then he doesn't want to let them down.

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 04/04/2024 17:28

You broke up, he invited someone else. He's not in the wrong.

Maybe not be so childish to be on/off with your boyfriend?

SweetFemaleAttitude · 04/04/2024 17:28

I think it depends if the break up was amicable or not.

Theatre tickets are extremely expensive and if the break up was acrimonious, he might have done it as a fuck you.

I can't imagine my DH and one of his male friends going to a musical together, so that may be why he asked a female friend.

You should go along with her.

PerfectTravelTote · 04/04/2024 17:26

He kept the tickets when you broke up?

They were a gift to you.

That's poor form.

Rewis · 04/04/2024 17:26

Technically he should have given the tickets to you when you broke up. Since it was a gift. However, if I got my bf a present and we broke up shortly after. I wouldn't go out of my way to transfer the tickets for him. If he didn't ask for them, I'd ask a friend to go with me.

InTheShallowTheShalalalalalalalow · 04/04/2024 17:23

If he doesn't want to let her down then you take his ticket and go with her instead.

GreyCarpet · 04/04/2024 17:22

Why had he kept hold of his birthday present to you?

Both tickets are yours.

He shouldn't have been the one to find a replacement person. That should have been you.

neverbeenskiing · 04/04/2024 17:22

What he should have done was give both tickets to you when you broke up, since they were supposed to be a gift. But he didn't, and its too late to change that now. What he did was ask his friend to go with him and she accepted the invitation. I can see why he would now feel extremely awkward telling his friend, who is probably excited about it, that she won't be going anymore. It's really shit when people use their friends as emotional support during breakups and then don't consider them at all as soon as they're no longer single. But this could have been avoided if he'd done the right thing in the first place, keeping the tickets for himself was petty.

samestyle · 04/04/2024 17:19

He could of explained to her it was your birthday present and now back together but he doesn't want to ruin his chances on dating her, he's chosen her over you, dump him. let her know, she may not be aware it was supposed to be your gift.

jannier · 04/04/2024 17:19

Didn't take him long to arrange a date when you were apart wondering what about this man attracts you.

Halooo · 04/04/2024 17:19

The tickets belong to you and should have been handed to you, it’s not up to him to decide how they are used, he should have simply been your guest.

Really bad form to do this. He has no decent manners and you are not a priority. He should have at the very least offered to replace the tickets like for like or better.

In future, make sure you take actual presents into your possession.

ILoveYouMore2022 · 04/04/2024 17:15

OP, ask him if you can go with this woman to the event (ie., woman uses his ticket and you go on what was originally bought for your birthday).

If he agrees, dump him afterwards.

If he won’t let you use one of the tickets, dump him afterwards.

therealcookiemonster · 04/04/2024 17:14

DemBonesDemBones · 04/04/2024 17:00

I think I'll be in the minority but I don't think he's in the wrong. You had broken up, he invited his friend. I think it actually shows he's a nice person not ditching his mate to take you now you're back together.

agreed