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AIBU?

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Original poster

Bf using my birthday gift with another woman

289 replies

Pookie21 · 04/04/2024 16:54

My bf got us tickets to my favourite musical for my birthday in January, unfortunately we broke up shortly after for 6 weeks, but have now been back together a month. The show is next week, I’ve organised my kids but bf told me yesterday as he couldn’t get a refund he asked friends & is now taking a female friend instead (I vaguely know of her). AIBU in thinking that as the tickets were my main birthday gift he should either have given me both to use or cancel taking the woman & take me as they were part of my gift & we are back together?
he says she helped him out by agreeing to come so doesn’t want to change her plans but if I were her I’d be happy to stand down as it was a special gift for us to enjoy together, it feels like he’s putting another woman’s feelings over mine.

OP posts:
Dery · 04/04/2024 18:45

I can see both sides but overall this is where I land:

“RandomUsernameB

If your boyfriend is serious about your relationship, he will treat your feelings on this matter seriously and work to resolve it with you. If he brushes off your feelings and takes another woman to your favorite musical with what was supposed to be your birthday present, then he is showing you that he doesn't care about you.”

Scottishlady2 · 04/04/2024 18:45

So he’s prioritising his friend over you. Even though the reason you broke up was his behaviour.
Has he even discussed with his friend that you want to go, she might not even want to go and just felt sorry for him?
After getting back together, this should be the bit where he’s pulling out the stops to be better

Alstreena · 04/04/2024 18:45

He's an ex, forget him and the lousy tickets.

You've got better things to do rather than spend mental energy on this guy - haven't you?

RandomUsernameB · 04/04/2024 18:41

If your boyfriend is serious about your relationship, he will treat your feelings on this matter seriously and work to resolve it with you. If he brushes off your feelings and takes another woman to your favorite musical with what was supposed to be your birthday present, then he is showing you that he doesn't care about you. You are NOT being unreasonable at all.

Original poster
Pookie21 · 04/04/2024 18:40

Shiningout · 04/04/2024 18:06

OK he doesn't wanna let his 'friend' down, so the solution is you take your ticket and go to see the musical as its your favourite and the tickets were brought for you. Have you suggested that??

Not yet. Unfortunately, I’m not currently feeling great mentally after witnessing a very traumatic event of my friend at the weekend so I’m feeling pretty numb whilst I process this experience, my bf told me the change of plans yesterday & where my emotions are massively shut down atm it’s taken me a minute to properly think about all this with my bf.

OP posts:
Nicelynicelyjohnson · 04/04/2024 18:37

BCBird · 04/04/2024 18:11

I think it shows he has integrity. He has made arrangements and is not going to cancel his friend. You might feel uncomfortable, but that dies not mean he should sack off his friend.

Integrity might have been to give his girlfriend her birthday present.

Keeping a birthday gift is petty and not someone I would want to resume a relationship with.

Original poster
Pookie21 · 04/04/2024 18:35

Noodlesmumm · 04/04/2024 18:03

Agree with th8s x

Show quote history

But ‘he’s’ not taking a friend, MY birthday present that was organised & booked together before my birthday (due to work/kid’s organisation) Is taking him & a friend… s

OP posts:
Proudbitch · 04/04/2024 18:32

Fuzziduck · 04/04/2024 17:56

They are your tickets.
Worst case, you should go with her.

This.

Original poster
Pookie21 · 04/04/2024 18:31

NCA24 · 04/04/2024 18:03

This would be the hill that I died on. How did he take it upon himself to give away your birthday present?

He says because he couldn’t get a refund…

OP posts:
Gabby82 · 04/04/2024 18:30
  1. Possession of the (what I imagine are digital?) tickets should have been agreed at the time of the break up. As they were technically yours you should have asked for them before parting ways. If I was left with tickets I'd bought an ex, post break up, I wouldn't go out of my way to get them to them, I'd probably also find someone else to go with.
  1. I don't think at this point he can let the friend down (unless as some seem to have assumed it's a date, which I didn't get from the post), it's not fair on her. However, if I was the friend and knew the situation I'd definitely tell him to take you instead. Does she know the situation?
  1. He should explain to the friend the situation and insist she still goes but with you (she'll probably step aside here anyway as its really awkward). He should order you both a bottle of something to share during the interval and arrange you a separate birthday treat with him.
Original poster
Pookie21 · 04/04/2024 18:29

RickyGervaislovesdogs · 04/04/2024 17:58

Did he give the tickets to you? Im
confused. They were your gift, but he had them? Did you give them back?

We don’t live together so he sent me some other little gifts for my actual birthday but I never had physical ‘ownership’ (for want of a better term) of the tickets, he booked them early Jan as we had to organise work/kids so I knew they were my main present even though I never actually ‘had’ them

OP posts:
aloris · 04/04/2024 18:29

If your birthday was on the 15th and you broke up on the 20th, then the tickets should have been yours. On the other hand, if your birthday was on the 15th and you broke up on the 10th, then the tickets should have been his. He basically "gave" you a fake birthday present. Why are you dating someone who pretends to give you generous gifts, but actually they are really gifts to himself? You can't trust someone like that.

Original poster
Pookie21 · 04/04/2024 18:22

HappiestSleeping · 04/04/2024 17:55

This 👆

Show quote history

Even though they were my main birthday present to my favourite musical? I didn’t take back his presents when we split up

OP posts:
C1N1C · 04/04/2024 18:22

100% YABU

He bought them as a present for you. You broke up with him. This no doubt hurt him. Naturally, he wouldn't go calling you saying you forgot your tickets! He then had to find a friend to go with, otherwise, the money would be wasted.

You then get back together with him and now want the tickets?

Sounds a bit money-grabbing and narcissistic to me. It partially sounds like you got back together FOR the tickets, but also like you want him to potentially break up a friendship for you.

Like saying he got you a car, but before giving it to , was in the shop getting pink upholstery. You then break up with , he's left in the lurch with what to do with it. Now you're , you're asking where your car is. Don't guilt him for selling it. That ship sailed when you split.

Springisroundthecorner · 04/04/2024 18:17

Go with his friend!

Original poster
Pookie21 · 04/04/2024 18:15

Riverlee · 04/04/2024 17:08

How recently did you mention going to the show again? If only in the last few days, then he’s not unreasonable.

I haven’t raised it as I assumed we’d still be going together? He got the tickets early Jan (bc we both had to arrange work/kids) before my birthday, split up end of Jan, started talking mid feb & got back together early march so he’s had plenty of time to tell me that he wanted to use both tickets- if he did arrange this in those 3 weeks or even after that surely the decent thing to do would be to tell me?

OP posts:
SwordToFlamethrower · 04/04/2024 18:14

Deal breaker for me! Dump him! His priorities are fucked

Nicelynicelyjohnson · 04/04/2024 18:13

What did you think would happen while you were broken up?
Did you think he would go or were you planning to?

I'd be annoyed as they are yours but if he kept them as part of you splitting up, I can see why he asked someone else. Any decent boyfriend would unask the friend with apologies to friend.

pinkyredrose · 04/04/2024 18:13

Why did you get back together?

BCBird · 04/04/2024 18:11

I think it shows he has integrity. He has made arrangements and is not going to cancel his friend. You might feel uncomfortable, but that dies not mean he should sack off his friend.

Original poster
Pookie21 · 04/04/2024 18:11

LouOver · 04/04/2024 17:06

If he thought you weren't getting back together then he's not in the wrong for inviting a friend who has now made her plans.

But 1. If I was the friend now going would feel weird and would probably step aside.

  1. Is he getting you a new birthday gift?

He did send me other gifts (we live apart), but the tickets were purchased early Jan (before my actual birthday) as we had to arrange work/kids etc & were my main present for my favourite musical. We were only not talking for 3 weeks (end of Jan to mid feb) and started seeing each other again early march so I’m also wondering did he arrange this in those 3 weeks, or since we were back talking & why he hasn’t told me as I have childcare all sorted

OP posts:
AFmammaG · 04/04/2024 18:10

NCA24 · 04/04/2024 18:03

This would be the hill that I died on. How did he take it upon himself to give away your birthday present?

Same. I wouldn’t let this go, it was your present!

EnglishBluebell · 04/04/2024 18:09

Yes you should get his ticket. You go with his friend. Then break up with him because he's a fool

Shiningout · 04/04/2024 18:06

OK he doesn't wanna let his 'friend' down, so the solution is you take your ticket and go to see the musical as its your favourite and the tickets were brought for you. Have you suggested that??

Original poster
Pookie21 · 04/04/2024 18:05

harriethoyle · 04/04/2024 17:05

I agree @DemBonesDemBones - bearing in mind the present was in Jan, you then broke up for 6 weeks so at least mid Feb I'm not surprised he made alternative plans. YABU.

So he got the tickets early Jan for my birthday mid Jan, we split towards the end of Jan (I did the breaking up but it was 90% because of his behaviour). We started talking mid feb & seeing each other again early March, so we were actually only not talking for 3 weeks. I just assumed we’d still be going together which is why I hadn’t raised it, especially since the tickets were my main present for my favourite musical.

OP posts:
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