Feel ashamed of my house

Thank you so much for this post. I really needed to read this today as I'm in exactly the same boat - feel like I'm drowning in toys! Off to fetch a bin bag... x

I inherited my house from my dad. It needs loads of work that I can't afford or have energy to do myself, after having to spend £9k on ripping out the kitchen and replacing rotten floorboards and joists due to a long-standing leak that Dad never addressed (and discovering the insurance had lapsed).
I have cracked plaster in the hallway, floorboards that got waxed but the wax was a bad idea and they look awful, paint hanging off above a window where there was water ingress, cracked paint on windowsill also from water ingress, stains on lino in conservatory, cream carpets (and I have a dog) that are not so cream anymore, bits that need painting behind where the old storage heaters were removed. The list goes on!
But you know what, everyone who comes to my house says what a lovely feel it has (including an estate agent!), because I've made it homely. Loads of plants, atmospheric lighting, pictures on walls, paint colour schemes on what I have managed to do, etc. I made my own towel rails and shelf brackets in the bathroom out of industrial piping, painted black. No-one EVER has made disparaging remarks about the fabric of the building.
And anyone who owns a house knows how expensive and time-consuming it is to maintain. Some of us have health issues and/or money issues that mean things don't get done. It's life. Just make the best you can with what you've got, and sod anyone else's judgement (which may surprise you, anyway!).

These were my initial thoughts too.

Walls don't need repainting every 3-4 years 😕

If furniture is falling apart after 14 years you must be either jumping on it or buying crap furniture. Decent quality furniture will last a lifetime.

Some people do seem to feel the need to completely replace everything every few years, though. I think it's more a psychological thing than an actual need.

Came on here to say something similar but you’ve put it beautifully. A reality check definitely needed here. OP stop comparing yourself & trying to keep up with the Jones- value what you do have, which sounds like a lovely homely space. It’s the energy warmth & happiness in a home the right people notice anyway- not whether the walls need a luck of paint. As long as it’s reasonably clean & tidying most of the time that’s fine. Instagram is not reality.

I try to paint a couple of rooms a year, I have just done some declutterring and put things on Vinted. Hopefully that will pay for some paint for my front room then I’m going to get my carpet and sofa cleaned, new cushions to freshen up. Summer holidays it will be the box room.
Remember it’s like the forth bridge start at one end and by the time you get to the other end it will be time to start again 😳

I'm just redoing my sitting room and dining room ATM. I've bought a new but cheapish 3 piece suite off eBay. It's a 3, 2, 1 electric recliner in grey faux leather for £1400. I've ordered a rug in grey, black and dark red diamond pattern and 2 new lamp shades in the same colour. I've bought some grey and cream wallpaper for the wall around inglenook and the rest will be repainted over in Timeless. I've got to measure windows for new blinds in black. Dining room will also have one feature wall around the bay window in wallpaper and the rest painted in Timeless. A new lampshade to match the 2 in the lounge. The total cost of the sitting room and dining room makeover will only cost us about £2k because DH will do the work himself and I'll help with the painting too. I'm also having the downstairs cloakroom refitted. Nothing fancy just a trade white loo and a vanity unit in white. A new dark grey vinal and our white wall cabinet with mirror on the front will be refused. I'll get a new dark grey lampshade. It's being painted in Polished Pebble and having one large dark grey wall time behind the basin. The cloakroom makeover will only cost about £200 plus 1/2 day cost of my plumber.

Mine are the same and they were only done 3 years ago. Greasy marks and dirty handprints everywhere. I don’t know how the fuck it happens as the DS’s are 26 and 24!!!
Next time I repaint I’m going to spend a bit more on washable paint!

100% get where you are coming from ours is the same. We painted during COVID but used Matt paint and all the walls are all white. Our plan is now the light nights are starting to do a couple or 3 hours after work and will get a room done over a few nights rather than use our weekends to do it which are just too busy!

Go for it OP! Or maybe start slowly- living room only as although very do-able it's nice to have a bit of down time too!
Turn your fave music on and get stuck in Op (bet you'll love it)

Wash the walls. You'd be surprised how much dirt they collect. They may not need repainting after all.

OP - you are doing well. A couple of rooms in our house have been painted since Covid but a few haven't been painted for nearly 10 years. Our kitchen is over 20 years old, the bathroom's 17 years old, so is most of the furniture. The rest was inherited from DH's parents and is from the 1970s.

Honestly, it doesn't matter. Keeping the house clean and relatively orderly feels nice but short term mess is good - the mess of a child playing with toys or a basket of freshly folded laundry or a sewing machine on the table with half-made curtains, an unrolled yoga mat and weights in the corner - I love all that stuff - signs of life and interests. I prefer that sort of home to ones that look like no one is allowed to even put down a book in case it makes a sofa look untidy.

Have you tried washing your walls? You can probably get a lot of the dirt off and brighten it up with a bit of dish soap, water and microfibre cloth.

Yes that's doable.

Hire a skip - put it all in there and say he has a week until they collect the skip to decide what he wants to keep. And whatever’s kept needs to fit neatly inside the existing storage in the house (I.e not moved to the bedroom floor or back in the hallway) otherwise you’ll put it back in the skip.

you can’t put your kids childhood on hold because your husband is lazy.

Chuck the lot out, if he hasn't needed it in 4yrs he doesn't need it. He's got no right to take over living space like that

I have the same issue op. I lived with my gran and my mum til I was 13. My gran kept a tidy, lovely house. My mum did nothing. I spent my teenage years growing up in clutter and an unclean house. It's clouded my view now as a parent as I'm so worried about my kids growing up in a cluttered / messy house.

I try to gut a room a month. Clear things out, throw things away and give the room a good clean everywhere (including things like under furniture, skirting boards etc). Makes me feel like I'm keeping on top of it

I agree with this

Lower your bar a bit?

I've lived in my home for nearly 30 years. For various reasons I have to focus my efforts/money on absolutely essential maintenance - fence, replacing rotten doors and windows, broken bathroom, leaking radiators etc.
I need to replace the whole boiler and heating system this year.

I hate the sodding Artex. I've raised two children here, there are little holes in walls, and door handles that don't work well. The carpets are tired and worn.

I can't let these things bother me. I don't have the money to replace them.
The house is clean and pretty tidy. I'm not at all embarrassed by it - quite the opposite, I am proud that I am able to support myself and raise 2 children alone. Actually, I do have the money, but I choose to spend it on holidays and nice stuff, and I could make the time but I don't enjoy DIY, preferring to spend my down time either with my son or doing my own things (mainly sport) and also supporting older family members.
As long as the house is secure and functional then I'd rather have memories of wonderful times than a lovely new carpet.

It's Spring, perfect time for decorating & decluttering! Even if (like me) you can only manage to paint one wall or mask off and cut in around windows and doors a little at a time you can easily finish a room in a week. I find Dunelm paint covers very well and comes in lovely shades. See if you can make a start this weekend OP and take photos before and after to gloat over! DIY is a great hobby to get into, you'll save tons of money, have a lovely home to enjoy and feel so much happier x

Decorators varnish is really good. We used the dead flat Matt polyvine one, lasts ages. You just paint a few coats over painted walls/wallpaper probably up to halfway up and everything wipes off really easily without affecting the colour. Having said that we've just moved and the place is chaos!

Walls we painted during Covid still look fresh, the room that really needs redoing was last done 9 years ago, and is probably a year overdue. Trying to understand why yours need painting again already? Have you tried washing the walls to see if that freshens them up?

If you do repaint, I'd buy a different brand of paint - even if you painted everything in the first week of lockdown it would only be 4 years ago,

I bought a house myself in 2022 that hadn't been done up since the 1980s and have managed to do quite a lot to improve it, despite not being a dab hand at DIY (I am learning though!). I did pay for a new kitchen, which used up all my savings, but have done the rest myself. Painted everywhere. Ripped out all the horrible carpets and had wood laminate floors fitted in the living room, but the bathroom and some of the other rooms I've used cheap stick down lino floorboards (easy flooring) which I got off Amazon. It looks pretty good and it's really easy to do. Painted the mouldy bathroom tiles with waterproof paint and replaced the basin cheaply with one from Wickes and it looks nice in there now - will do until I've saved up enough to get the bathroom ripped out and a new one put in. Got a lot of things off Vinted/Facebook marketplace. Put some nice rugs and pictures in and jobs a good 'un.

I also bought a hedge trimmer and lawnmower and if you keep on top of that, the garden pretty much looks OK (tbh I do a lot of gardening but anyway).

I'd love loads of money to spend on everything I want doing to the house, but I don't have that - but there's still loads you can do on a budget.

Have you been spending a long time on Instagram or Pintrest, looking at rooms which have been just done, posed but not lived in yet? I think this is a you problem, rather than a house problem.

Painted during Covid is really recent by most standards, your furniture isn't very old and everybody last did their garden last summer as we've only just got rid of winter. Maybe go to real life houses more and get off line?

I would start with rooms people would actually see. When people come round here for a cuppa we often stay in the kitchen diner so I prioritise keeping that that presentable. Or the lounge might make you feel better. I always feel so long as I have one space that's nice I can ignore the rest til I get to it.