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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think they should still replace it...

336 replies

YorkshireRose80 · 04/04/2024 10:47

TLDR:
Friend borrowed expensive item six years ago, lost it and not replaced it despite frequent requests asking for it to be replaced.

Long version:
Six years ago, I bought a £300 fancy BBQ in a sale for £150, I didn't have a suitable garden for it at the time, but it was a bargain so I bought it and stored it away.

Six months later, my friend was asking around to see if anyone had a BBQ she could borrow for her mum's birthday party which friend was hosting. Mine wasn't being used, so I happily lent it to her. She used it and thanked me and said she'd drop it back at some point. As I still didn't have a suitable garden, I said there was no immediate rush.

The following summer, I had a suitable garden and wanted to have a BBQ, but recalled my mate hadn't returned it. I asked her to return it and she apologised for not doing so sooner, but later messaged to say that she's really sorry, she's looked and not been able to find it. Said she must have lost it!

Not quite sure how you can lose a fucking BBQ. I lent it to her unopened, in its box, it weighed a lot and was big and bulky.

I was quite upset, as I'd never even got to use it, but I didn't go off at her as she was pregnant with her first child and she'd had a couple of scares. So, I asked if she could have another look for it and get back to me.

Anyway, long story short, she couldn't find it. I awaited her message to say she'd replace it, but it never came. Her DD was then born and I let it go for a while as she was on mat leave and money was tight. But when she was back working, I asked her outright to replace it and she said she would, but it never materialised.

So, every spring for the past five years I have asked her again if she could please replace my BBQ. She says she will, but doesn't.

I know it's only a BBQ, but it's not something I'd usually be able to afford for the original price and I've held off buying a cheap one, hoping friend will come through with replacement.

Clocks have now gone forward and it's almost time for my annual request for my BBQ! 😅 My mum said I should let it go, but my DH agrees with me and said I should persist for a replacement.

If I lost something I borrowed, expensive or not, I'd replace it straight away.

My friend is doing well for herself and recently got a brand new car, her DD and DS have lovely clothes and lots of tech, so money doesn't seem to be the reason. And if it was, I'd be open to her paying for it in installments.

Soooo....

YABU - Suck it up buttercup, it's gone, get over it.
YANBU - She needs to replace it, regardless of how much time as passed. It's the principle of the matter.

OP posts:
Imisssleep2 · 05/04/2024 21:32

I would be tempted to forget it as it doesn't seem to be happening but also would want to stick to my guns out of principle. Maybe tell her your having a BBQ next weekend so you'll be round to pick up the replacement BBQ she owes you Friday evening and see what she says. Your giving her a time scale to sort it, and if she doesn't, find a similar replacement and tell her to transfer you the money for it so you can purchase it yourself.

She is just being plain rude imo

AgileMentor · 05/04/2024 21:26

How do you misplace a fecking BBQ

Bluepetergarden · 05/04/2024 21:25

She sold it

Mnetcurious · 05/04/2024 21:21

@YorkshireRose80 please do update us with what you decide to say and the response you get!

BeavisMcTavish · 05/04/2024 21:04

6 years…. Let it go. If it genuinely upsets you that much why even talk to her ever again, if it doesn’t….

KRToo · 05/04/2024 20:58

Find half a dozen BBQs you like the look of, send her the links, say you have friends / family coming round on X date for a BBQ so you’ll need it by then please.

KidsandKindness · 05/04/2024 20:48

Think of something she has that's worth the price of a new BBQ, and ask if you can borrow it. If she says no, then point out that you were kind enough to lend her your BBQ, and she 'lost' it, so it's only fair that she lends you xyz. Then, when she lends it to you, hold it to ransom, and when she asks for it back, say 'Yes, you can have it back in exchange for a BBQ equivalent to the one I lent you'.

Fuzzybear33 · 05/04/2024 20:41

Voted YABU because 5 years of this hassle is not worth it. Either move on or ditch the friendship!

brocollilover · 05/04/2024 20:39

LT1982 · 05/04/2024 20:36

She did treat herself- to the original bbq her "friend" stole

Show quote history

yes she did

but cat’s chance in hell of getting it back

meanwhile… approaching 7 year of having to ask her neighbour to trundle her one over

so yes… treat yourself op!

LT1982 · 05/04/2024 20:36

brocollilover · 04/04/2024 11:06

for more than half a decade op you’ve used you’ve friends bbq.

i think the time has come for you to treat yourself!

Show quote history

She did treat herself- to the original bbq her "friend" stole

NamelessNancy · 05/04/2024 19:59

MaybeRevisitYourWipingT3chnique · 04/04/2024 15:42

This thread reminds me of another one from a couple of years or so ago, where OP had a 7-seater car that she was selling. Although it was worth a reasonable amount, she kindly offered to give it to a school mum, who she always saw struggling to get her kids to school, especially in the rain, after her own car had 'died' and she knew didn't have much money.

The mum was so grateful for it, but almost immediately afterwards, OP saw her walking the kids in the rain again and the car never on their (empty) drive. It turned out that she'd sold it straightaway - iirc, she'd used some of the money from it to buy a barbecue!!

Also, the 'Antique Ram Castrator' thread!

I'm not sure the car example is as clear cut. If the mum was really struggling perhaps she couldn't afford to tax and insure the car. The money she gained from selling it may have been really helpful and been appreciated. When you give something away you shouldn't expect to control what is done with it. A loan, like the barbecue is a different matter.

(Disclaimer - I'd never take a valuable gift like a car from a virtual stranger myself!)

Thindog · 05/04/2024 19:59

She was very much in the wrong, but six years have elapsed. You won't get it back now.
What can you learn from this?

RichardsGear · 05/04/2024 19:57

Just say 'Hi Barbie, please can you transfer me £150 so I can replace the BBQ I loaned you and never got back. It's gone on way too long now!'

RecycleMeNow · 05/04/2024 19:53

My only conclusion is that this is not a friendship!

ByUmberCrow · 05/04/2024 19:52

I reckon her mum and / or dad assumed your friend had bought them the barbecue as their birthday present!

HowToSaveAWife · 05/04/2024 19:48

She "lost" your BBQ SIX years ago, you've sent annual fruitless texts for a replacement but you're still "friends"?!

How very fucking odd.

BirthdayRainbow · 05/04/2024 19:41

cansu · 05/04/2024 19:40

Decide whether the money is as important as the friendship. Yes she should have replaced it but she hasn't for five years now. If you really want that 150.00 ask her face to face for it. It is likely that even if she pays you that the friendship will fizzle out. If you are prepared for this then fine. If not let it go.

This is silly. The other person clearly feels a free BBQ is better than friendship so why should @YorkshireRose80 let it go?

cansu · 05/04/2024 19:40

Decide whether the money is as important as the friendship. Yes she should have replaced it but she hasn't for five years now. If you really want that 150.00 ask her face to face for it. It is likely that even if she pays you that the friendship will fizzle out. If you are prepared for this then fine. If not let it go.

Heronwatcher · 05/04/2024 19:34

I don’t think she’s going to replace it ever, so unless there is something you’re planning on doing about it, i.e. “hi there, unless you’re planning on replacing the BBQ by x date then unfortunately I am going to…”, I’d let it go. I think the time to make a fuss was a few years ago really. But she would no longer be my friend whether she replaced it or not.

Goldensunnydays81 · 05/04/2024 19:33

I would invite her and her family over for dinner and then just present them with some raw sausages and burgers in a bun saying that you were doing a bbq for them but as there was nothing for you to cook it on this is what they were having.
Not to be petty or anything 🤣🤣

MouseMama · 05/04/2024 19:33

I guess just send her the link to the model (or the most similar current version) and ask will she order it or send you a bank transfer to buy it again - as you’re easy either way. If she doesn’t reply in a couple of days send endless follow ups and start calling her every day or so. “I’m hosting a BBQ start of May, please tell me you’ve ordered it?!”…. “Following up?” “Following up again!”
relentless. She’s no friend but hopefully you can embarrass her into replacing it if she doesn’t block you. If she does, you were never getting it back.

LookAtThatCritter · 05/04/2024 19:27

You say

"Hi x, I know I've asked for the past few years about the BBQ you borrowed and didn't return but I really must insist that it's either returned or replaced this year. While I understand losing something is easily done, it was new in it's box and hadn't actually been used yet. It's not something that I can afford to replace, or should have to. Here's the link for the model that you had borrowed and here's our address for delivery. Let me know when it's shipping so I can keep an eye out for the delivery! Thanks x"

BruhWhy · 05/04/2024 18:57

There's absolutely no way she lost a massive fancy bbq, she used it from the time you lent it to her, thinking you'd never ask for it back and was too embarrassed to give it back when you did, because it was clearly very used.

Let it go, buy a new bbq and enjoy it. I'd side-eye this friend forevermore.

Kazzybingbong · 05/04/2024 18:07

She’s lying, nobody loses a BBQ. I’m sorry your friend is an AH. I hope you get some money but I doubt it after so long 😔

Reeceseggaddict · 05/04/2024 17:36

YorkshireRose80 · 04/04/2024 19:25

I haven't sent one message a year, I've sent many. Sometimes she'd reply with some links to some crappy small BBQs for two people, asking if any suited. I replied saying not really, I need a like for like replacement, one that would cook more than two sausages. She says she'll look for more and then go quiet again.

I'd message her again, she's reply saying she'd got distracted with baby and would look when she got a moment.

I did said some links of my own and was told she'd take a look and speak to her partner as he'd have to collect it. Then go quiet again.

It's just when the the clocks go forward, it always reminds me to ask her again. 😅🙈

I saw her face to face a couple of weeks ago , bumped into her on a night out, but she was shit faced and wouldn't have remembered anything we discussed, so I left it.

Show quote history

Just ask her for the money. If you wait for her to get a bbq, you’ll wait forever. Instead I’d say something like, this is getting embarrassing now as you’ve said you’d replace my brand new bbq that you “lost” and you still haven't. I didn’t push it when you were hard up on maternity leave but you’re back at work now so here is my bank account to transfer the cash and I’ll go buy one. I’d appreciate it by the end of the week so I can buy one at the weekend. Thanks

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