To think they should still replace it...

She clearly doesn’t value your friendship.

you do t lose a large BBQ. She gave it away, she sold it or it was stolen.

by this stage I would stop asking - it’s been too long. She is never buying you a BBQ. But she isn’t your friend.

@YorkshireRose80 the way I read this was you lent it to her but then used her as free storage facility. 🤔 is it possible she tried more than once to return it to you during the time you didn’t have suitable space for it and she decided she didn’t want to continue storing it for you?

Will you let us know how this plays out please OP?

My god... its been 6 years 😅

just write it off now and buy yourself a new one.

you are never getting it back or the money for it lmaooo

I would try putting something in writing, so it's formal.
Lay out the facts, you lent her the BBQ, she did not return it and told you it had been lost. You asked her to replace it and she agreed, but did not do that. You allowed her a very reasonable period because of her being on maternity leave. When she returned to work, you asked again for her to replace your BBQ that she had lost, she again agreed, but again did not do it. You've been more than reasonable in waiting five years and are now asking, formally, for her to replace the lost BBQ. Include some instruction of what to buy - a like for like model, the price, the shop name.
Mention somewhere in the letter that you have kept the message chain and can forward any back to her if she needs a reminder.

If you continue to send text message she will continue to fob you off. By putting this in writing you are making a formal request.
I think you could also consider this the end of the friendship. Would you really pursue a friendship with someone who treats you with such disrespect?

She's either sold it or damaged it, nobody loses a BBQ. Some friend she is, I would stop pursuing it now though, too much time has passed you aren't getting that back.

I also don't think I would want to continue a friendship with someone that is blatantly lying to you about it.

Ask her if you can borrow something of a similar value and don't give it back.

If you can't sort it I would definitely bin her off.

Sold it or left it out in the garden, and its been stolen.

Just say you're having a BBQ on X date so you'll need it by then. Make the date quite close so she can't 'forget'.

This is hilarious. Of course she should have given you back your BBQ or replaced it but it’s been 5 years OP I think you need to let it go. Are you actually “friends” with this person? Have you seen her regularly and kept up the friendship in 5 years or do you just send her texts once a year asking about your BBQ?

It's been 6 years!! She's obviously not planning on replacing it, you are going to have to let it go. She's not much of a friend is she? 😏

I also don't think she 'lost' it. Likely she set it up at her mums when hosting etc and juet let her keep it- maybe as a 'gift?' To someone. And now can't ask for it back!

20 years ago I lent a friend £200 to come on holiday with us. If I hadn’t lent her it she could not have afforded to come.
We have a blast in Malia for a week… time came to pay me back. I think I got about £60.
In the end I could have fallen out with her over it, or just wrote it off in my head and never lend her anything again. It did annoy me, but I got over it for the sake of not losing my friendship. I think that’s the same choice you right now. It’s been 6 years, move on or don’t.

5 years on is abit long now OP. So you still want to maintain this friendship because I'd let it go if she meant that much just because of the sheer amount of time that's now passed.
However if she generally is selfish and not really a close close friend then yes let her hear it. And maybe set a deadline for payment this time around.

Some people will walk all over you until they get figuratively slapped back. @mamacorn1 is correct. Two things will happen. She will play the victim. Mock, jeer, insult you etc.
She will pay you back which means she could have in the past but thought you were a push over.

I think, though cannot guarantee, that previous poster was mistaken. In situations like this, it is usually six years since the LOSS was recorded. (Six years since you bought the product is if the product itself was faulty). So you are just barely within the time limits of small claims (based on a case my friend brought against someone “losing” their guitar and not replacing it) and you need to jump on this right now, but do call Citizens’ Advice on Monday and they can tell you for sure.
Here’s the page that talks about when the clock started ticking for small claims, based on which type of loss:
https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/law-and-courts/legal-system/small-claims/deciding-whether-to-make-a-small-claim/
Your situation is a bit more like what’s listed on the page under “If you rent and need repairs,” where six years starts from when you notified them you needed repairs. Six years either starts from when she notified you it was lost, OR the first time you asked for replacement. (For this, you need to ask Citizens’ Advice).

Also, outside of court, it doesn’t matter if you paid £150. If it’s going to cost you £300 to replace it, then she owes you £300. She lost a £300 BBQ, not a £150 one. Stop with this sending links of different BBQs nonsense. You just text her, “£300 is what the BBQ was worth. This is what I will have to pay to replace. Please transfer that amount to me by the end of the week,” with bank details. If there’s a cash flow issue, ask her how long she needs. My recommendation: DO NOT accept a payment plan that runs longer than your time left to take her to small claims court, or you may never any money.

Exactly!
I'm wondering if she just decided to keep it.

You can ask but given she hasn't replaced it on all the other times you might as well just suck it up and buy another one and never lend her anything again. I don't think I would want to stay friends with her anyway.

How can someone lose a friend's items and be so unbothered about it 🙈
But also, how on Earth do you lose a bloody BBQ?? 😵😵

It’s gone. Move on either with or without her friendship.

Or ask her to send you x money by x date.

Send her a link to a bbq you want. Tell her to buy it before x date, as you want to have a bbq. See what she says.

Hi friend, I’m ordering a new bbq as you’ve not returned mine. You can transfer the price of £££ to my account (details) this weekend then I can arrange delivery. Thanks.

Do you text her asking for her to replace it? If so that’s too easy to ignore and disconnect your guilt from. Pop round, stand on her doorstep and ask her to order you a replacement (take the details
of your choice to the same value) or she can bank transfer you the money - either way she can do it while you wait… perhaps she can throw in some tea and biscuits as payment for your inconvenience :oP

I disagree. All she needed to say was "That's incredibly kind of you, but I'm afraid we couldn't afford to insure and run it".

OP specifically offered to give her a car, because she perceived that she might need a car (I can't remember if the woman had said anything along those lines). She didn't just give her something of value for her to sell for cash - it was a targeted gift to meet a need.

The antique ram castrator was the same.

Would you not be a little disappointed if you gave your family presents that you'd picked out for them - or maybe items of your own that they'd always openly admired - and they then came straight back to show you what they'd bought with the money they got from selling them?