To think they should still replace it...

It’s either rusted or she just wants to keep it for free. If it’s the latter she should at least say but offer you £150 for it.

This reminds me a bit of some family friends who were more DB’s friends who wanted to stay in DP’s French holiday home and drove there. DM asked if they could bring back 2 small bags of clothes for her and they said yes. On returning no sign of clothes and they said they’d lost them. There were some nice, unusual clothes there including presents of clothes from stepdad to DM. They’re still speaking but I still can’t understand how they got lost, their house was a state though messy and very cluttered (hoarder scale) so DM thinks the bags got mixed up and binned by mistake. If it were me I’d have offered at least the value of some of the clothes as a gesture, they both worked.

Came here to say the same, glad it’s the second post!
She isn’t a friend. She’s incredibly rude. Get your money/replacement and then cut her off.

Could you offer to go round and help her look for it?

I suspect it there and trashed or she’s lent it on and its not been returned to her?

No, I wouldn't let this lie.
I'd ask bluntly one more time, sending a link, giving a deadline etc and if you don't get it back I would NEVER speak to her again.
It a blatant disregard for you in so many ways and it's unacceptable

She has sold it hasn’t she. Or she is lying to you. Time for her to give you the money? Or find a new friend. Unless she has a habit of losing large items…
but it has happened more than once hasn’t it.

Not necessarily. If she's acknowledged the debt within the last six years you still have time to claim.

Find the like for like bbq, meet with her in person, ask her to order it now while your are.there and have it delivered to your house.

She’s either kept or or sold it!

Yes good idea. Say I thought you were bringing my barbecue.

Just reading this is infuriating me. Poor op. She is not a good friend.

I'd send her a link to the BBQ that's a like for like replacement. I'd also send my bank details for her to pay. I'd ask for payment within a week. Don't ask them to pay and send it to your address, as they'll have the receipt.

I'd also inform in this message that if she doesn't transfer the money, you will be submitting a claim to the small claims court due to her theft of your property. Tell her this will be more expensive for her, as she will also be liable for court costs. Tell her that your original BBQ receipt, the messages between you showing the loan and her refusal to return will ensure the court finds in your favour.

Then follow through with the small court claim if she doesn't pay.

Do this TODAY. You're nearly out of time.

Consider this friendship over. Your "friend" has.

Tell her you really need it and can you meet up with her mum to try to figure out where it could be? Or so she and her mum can make a plan to replace it? It was borrowed for her mum’s birthday and bringing mum into it might shame her into some action. Or tell her you’re suing her and mum in the small claims court.

"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

You’ve asked and she’s blown you off for several years?

Why waste more of your time:

a) asking again
b) posting on Mumsnet about it.

You’re not going to get it back, nor are you going to get any money.

Your only decision now is when to cut this thief out of your life. Anything else is throwing time away that could usefully be spent doing something else.

Stop asking for the BBQ. Look for the current model of the same BBQ and send her a request for the cost to buy it and have it delivered to your house.

Something along the lines of - Hi X, Saw your new [make of car]. Love it! Look, I’m wanting to have a BBQ in a few weeks for some friends and since you’ve been instant that you want to replace the BBQ of mine you lost but have found it too tricky to work out how to replace it, I’ve found the replacement myself. Please send me XXXXX by Tuesday so I can order it in time. [bank details]. Thanks, Yorkshire.

You should never have accepted her choosing the replacement. You should have sent her links to BBQs you found acceptable to be shipped to your home. If she wanted to source it elsewhere and pick it up to save herself some money, that would have been up to her. But don’t offer her that as an idea now. Tell her how to fix this properly and stop accepting her being such a CF.

"OK, joke over. I loaned you the BBQ a long time ago and have never had it back. It was a £300 new and I never used it. Either buy a suitable replacement (a bucket with a grill over is not the same!) or transfer me £300. I am done with trying to excuse your theft from me, I will mention this to X (her DH) when I see him as I am sick of this"

I rather suspect that accusing her of theft and threatening to dob her in to her DH (who she probably lied to about how she got it) will do the trick.

Send her a link to one that’s similar, ask for the MONEY to be transferred and then buy it yourself

I'm not voting because YANBU for expecting her to replace it, but YABU six years later.

I hate lending stuff because people often don't expect to replace if it's lost or broken.

Yes, agreed.

I'd send a message along the lines of " ..I've been asking for 5 years, can you please be honest and let me know if you actually don't intend replacing it? I'm a little hurt that you've just said enough to placate me for 5 years. I really want a bbq this year so let me know asap"

Her answer/attitude would then determine how I saw the friendship going forward tbh

Try something different.
Look up shops that stock the similar BBQ with the same brand.
Take down addresses and prices and visit the BBQ Thief.

Sit down and show her where you both will be going to replace the BBQ. Plan a shopping trip in your car with her on a date that suits, within the next two weeks.

Go shopping. Buy her a coffee but watch her buy you a BBQ, or at least two thirds of one.

Next time you lend a BBQ, ask for it to be returned, cleaned, the following day.

But if OP re-bought the BBQ herself then billed the friend for it, the 6 years would then run from the date of the ‘invoice’

I can't believe you haven't got a bbq because of this lol

For a start, you can't really expect a £300 bbq when she knows you paid £150. But too much time has passed, how do you function otherwise as friends? Just ignore the bbq issue? Have you ever had an honest discussion where youve said to her face 'this is getting daft now' is the friendship worth the £150 argument?

I think you need to think about what means more to you. If your friendship means more then I think its time to cut your losses, buy a new bbq and move on with your life.
If the £150 means more then I'd still buy a new bbq, send her a photo of the receipt and say 'Hi, couldn't wait any longer so bought my bbq. Please can you send over the £150 as this is all getting a bit silly now and I don't want it to affect our friendship but it does bother me that you have been fobbing me off about this for 5 years now'

Yeah, see, what I'd do is invite them over for a BBQ. When they got there I'd point at some steaks or hamburgers (raw) with a Daily Fail sad face and say "If I'd only had something to cook it on".

I agree with earlier posters; she's had a clear out/ garage sale and your bbq was in it. Ask again, every week if necessary, until she coughs up a similar bbq (yours will definitely not be in as new condition by now) or equivalent cash.

Borrow something expensive of hers and hold it hostage.

Pop in unexpectedly and ask to borrow her hair straighteners for a night out.

When she asks for them back say you've been looking for them but cant find them.

Wait and see if she works it out.