To think they should still replace it...

How the fuck do you lose a bbq?!

I agree with other posters in that she is not your friend. Therefore, you can afford to go nuclear on her and demand she reimburses you right now, as effectively this friendship is over.

If she stole £150 cash from your house how would you feel? This is the same thing.

Next time, demand the barbecue back the very next day. Personally, I wouldn’t have lent a brand new still in the box barbecue to anyone, but that’s just me.

It’s been 5 years, it’s gone and she’s no intention of replacing it. I’d let it go, get yourself a new one and ditch her as a friend. Theft is theft regardless of if you like the person that stole from you.

You're not unreasonable for asking. I'd message her and say I hate messaging and chasing over this but I let you borrow my brand new (in its box) BBQ in good faith and I don't want to have to fork out £300 replacing it ideally. Do you have any intention of actually replacing it, as we are having a BBQ in two weeks time and I need to make arrangements if not. If she claims poverty, point out you picking up a £300 bill so she can afford her flash new car is not on but you know now where you stand.

Your mistake was telling her there was no rush and being happy for her to store it for you, she shouldn't have lost it but lesson learnt for future. I'd never lend her anything again whatever the outcome.

Wow. What a cheeky fucker she is - I'd be raging mad in your position!

I don't think she's the sort of 'friend' you need to be bothered about potentially losing so I'd go round in person & be brutally honest - something along the lines of...

"Right. This BBQ debacle has gone on long enough. You can't possibly 'lose' a huge BBQ so something has obviously happened to it - I don't even care anymore what that is but I'm sick & tired of you messing me around. I want a 'like for like' BBQ or a refund of the £150 I paid for it. I'll be reasonable & give you a week to sort it."

This. ^ One last ditch attempt and that would be it for me. I would try to get her to replace it - just one more time - and then would give up. And I'm afraid I would ghost her after that (if she didn't replace it, which she won't!)

Sorry @YorkshireRose80 but this woman is not a good friend to you. She is taking the piss. She has very likely sold the BBQ. How can you LOSE a fucking BBQ? How silly. Does she think you're an idiot?

I have lent people stuff before, and not got it back. Despite asking multiple times. I never ever lent that person anything else again.

Lesson learned OP!

I’d just tell her you are planning a family BBQ on X date and to either transfer £350 (accounts for price increases) by Y date, or arrange delivery of a specified BBQ by Z date.

exactly

obviously the op has a very very different view on what a “friendship” is compared with us!

or it’s been unused since the day she borrowed and it rusted and unusable in the garage!

or she's borrowed it out to another friend or neighbour

And as to what to do, either write it off or ask her to transfer the money but be prepared that she won’t and whether that will affect your relationship and how you feel about that. She doesn’t sound like a decent friend to me

Probably because in most friendships neither party would behave like this! Ie borrower would buy new BBQ or send money immediately if she actually valued the friendship, and if you like you’re friend why can’t you have a chat instead of asking a load of strangers 🤷‍♀️

She really should replace it, however it sounds like she has decided that isn't going to happen.
You may well have to 'write it off', unless you want to go down the small claims route, never lend her anything again, and also consider the fact that she isn't really a friend or she would have returned/replaced/gave you the money to replace.

She's not lost it she's sold it or kept it a £300 BBQ isn't small enough to lose unless it was left out and someone stole it

Small claims court...........

seriously?

Just ask for your money back, with or without interest and give her a deadline. Obviously, it’s seriously bad behaviour to have “lost” your bbq, but it was silly to have expected her to store your bbq for you until you needed it back, you should have got it back straight away. It’s also silly to expect her to pay full price for an equivalent bbq that you got in a sale. And it’s silly to ask her to buy you a new bbq, rather than give you the cash to get on and buy one yourself. As for letting this go on for 5 years, that’s a ridiculously long time for this to be going on for. You need to decide whether she is a selfish, self-centred friend, or no friend at all.

and then you get suggestions like this 🙄

yep

and add in fact that for last 6 years the op has been asking her neighbour to trundle along her bbq to the OP’s!

This. Never mind she was pregnant, short of money etc. There is no way you can lose a BBQ. She has probably sold it/given it away. Your mistake was letting this farce go on so long.

You need to let it go. She tried to give it you back right away but you told her not to. Put it down to experience and next time you lend something out then accept it back when it’s being returned to you.

Can’t you just ask for the £150 back that’s a lot easier , no faffing around with links just a bank transfer from her

Speak to her husband sbout it, explain the situation, I'd hazard a guess he knows none of the back story!!
But I wouldn't let it go either, just on principle and the cheek of her.
To me it wouldn't be about the barb b q as such, it would be the blatant lie that she 'lost it' htaf do u lose a bar b q ?
Did a huge sink hole in the garden take it away? I think she broke it and skipped it

This would have been the chance to actually find out what happened to it. If she was that drunk she would have probably let slip. I reckon she still has it and uses it every summer.

I really am intrigued about your active friendship with her, with this hanging over you. How does that work.

It must be embarrassing to have to keep asking - and for her to keep hoping you will drop it, whilst at the same time, still being friends and still doing friends stuff together.

It’s become like an annual game to her. You ask. She says yes I will. She conveniently forgets. So you conveniently forget. The clocks go forward. You ask again. And round and round you go for six years ! No wonder she doesn’t take your request seriously, it’s a farce.

I think you can’t expect an actual like for like bbq replacement now. It’s too late. They probably don’t make them like that any more.
But you can expect the £150 cash instead.

So this time OP, if you are still really determined to right this wrong done to you, you need to make it the final time of asking.
Message her with your bank details and TELL her you expect £150 in your account by the end of the week, …..no more going round in circles and being fobbed off, do it right now please, no excuses, then we can get on with enjoying our very solid friendship without this embarrassment hanging over us.