To think they should still replace it...

Unfortunate lesson learnt, don't lend to friends who aren't your best trustworthy friends. X

She either returns the BBQ or £150..

I feel for you OP. You’re not confrontational. But this woman is not your friend. I borrowed an expensive ski jacket from my neighbour (and friend) and had it dry cleaned and returned within a week. That’s normal behaviour. You’ll have to write this off and learn from it. She won’t be guilt tripped after so long. Can you afford to replace it? I hope so. People can be awful but try to hold your head high, put her in the bin and concentrate on your good friends.

This wouldn't work.

Why don’t you just ask her outright if she has any intention of replacing it. Then you will know exactly where you stand, although after all this time I think it’s obvious she’s not going to. I agree it’s poor behaviour but you’ve let her get away with it for too long tbh.

After 6 years and numerous attempts you would of had it or a replacement back by now so your never going to get anything

so suck it up and decide if it’s worth ending the friendship over

It's been years now, I don't know why you're still hoping it'll happen. She's obviously not going to do it, probably because she doesn't really care, doesn't respect you and she can get away with it. Why are you still friends with her?

Sorry but she's treating you like an absolute mug....thinking you believe that she lost a BBQ!!
Id go round and put her right on the spot..none of these messages as messages are easy to ignore or wriggle out of!

Go round and say listen I need this BBQ I'm in no position to buy another one.... So do u want to transfer me the money as I'm on my way out now so I'll buy one if you just transfer the money..I've waited long enough.

She will have no choice but to just do it or tell you outright no....In which case youll know your never getting reimbursed and I'd tell her exactly what I thought of her how disgusting it is to treat a friend that way & you consider your friendship over....not because of the BBQ because of the way she's treated you& took you for a fool!

Why is she still your friend?

Invite her around yours for a BBQ, and once accepted tell her your provide the food and she can replace the BBQ, send her one direct link to the one that you want that is worth the £150 you paid and highlight it can be delivered directly to yours if easier.

I would struggle to still be friends with her tbh.

Write it off. Don't lend her anything again.

I can’t vote. You’re right to be pissed off still and I understand why you didn’t over challenge at the time but I think you need to accept she’s lent it to someone else/ sold it now and it’s up to you to decide whether you can forgive this and keep your friendship or not. And never lend anything you would be upset not to get back because not all people are good

You know she sold it. I would give her one last chance with a hard deadline: "I'm having family over on _ and we are planning to grill. Please return or replace my grill by _ (prior weekend date). Alternatively, if you just want to pay me _ (the money you spent on it which will now get you a much cheaper grill) that is fine. I really can not wait any longer. Thanks in advance." Give her a month. If she doesn't come up with a grill YET AGAIN then you know she has no intention of replacing it ... SO. It will then be up to you to 1) forgive & forget & buy a new grill (and dump her as a friend forever), or 2) take her to court (and dump her as a friend forever). No one would blame you either way - it's more about what you can live with. Either way, with her buying new cars and clothing etc while you and a neighbor trundle a different grill around is absurd.

btw - you state above that you like this lady, but I would watch your back. This lady is NOT a nice person - she's a user.

I'd arrange to meet up with her and once you're together say can we please buy this bloody bbq now? I'd be really pissed off too, and find it hard to let it go. We've got family who always borrow stuff and return it either broken or with parts missing and it's just plain rude.

YANBU. But I bet she never replaces it.

Tbh I think you made a mistake lending it to her saying you were in no rush for it back, and as time went on she used it many times, probably all crapped up, and kind of assumed it was now hers as you hadnt followed up for a few months. If you lend something for an event, always ask for it’s return immediately after. I did this with a book (a lot smaller and inexpensive I know) I hadn’t read it myself yet but loaned it to a family member when they were recuperating from an op. A year down the line when going on holiday, I asked for it back. She then claimed she hadnt borrowed it from me and that she’d actually bought it herself, but would loan it me if I wanted! Probably with time she did actually think she had bought it. ! Obviously the book only cost a few pounds so I just let it go, but it still bugs me sometimes when I visit and it’s there on the bookcase…..

You aren't being unreasonable but I think its time to let it go and cut her off, 5 years is a long time to go without a bbq 😞

I think you just need to really lay it out..

Hi friend. I've already asked this a couple of times, and despite your assurances that you'll replace it you haven't. So can you just transfer me the money for that bbq I leant you. I've tried to be patient and reasonable, I didn't make a big deal of it when you were on mat leave with a young baby but it would seem your back at work and doing pretty well so I think replacing the item you borrowed from me and then lost is well overdue. My details are....

The BBQ was £300 worth on sale for £150 so definitely wouldn't be happy with £100

I haven’t voted. IMO you are not BU but you’ve got to let it go (and possibly with the friendship too).

She's never going to replace it - let it go. Also let her go because this woman is not your friend.

@WildBear do you honestly think that SM is the way to go?!

I'd be furious! Tell her you want it replacing asap and if she doesn't I would cut her off.

if someone posted this, i would have to read and then reread to make sure i had read that this person was posting about something 6 YEARS ago!! and then id probably chuckle to myself at the bizarre post