To think they should still replace it...

I think that's being extremely optimistic. She's clearly not willing and/or able to hand over the money - I don't think the real problem is that she's simply been unable to find a comparable barbecue in 5 years of searching. Barbecues don't vary that much in each price bracket.

you'd really like to be able to have some BBQs this Spring - she'll be the first person invited to try it out!

"But, just so you know, the back gate will have 16 locks on it!"

Find one you like and visit her and show her so she can order it there & then. If it's more £ than the one she lost then you could pay the difference.

Tell her you will buy a new one and that you will give her the receipt so she can reimburse you.
Then do it.

OP could you visit your friend when her partner is around and mention that you’d like your BBQ back in front him. Maybe that would embarrass her into action?

The point is replacing something you've already paid for isn't treating yourself though it's annoying not enjoyable, which a "treat" should be

Its gone on too long now. Never lend her any thing again, and bin her as a friend. The only way to get your money is by the legal way.

Send her a link to purchase the BBQ online, saying you want to make it easy for her as she doesn't seem to have been able to find the time to buy a replacement and you'd really like to be able to have some BBQs this Spring - she'll be the first person invited to try it out!

If she doesn't come through this time, it's time to let it go. It's a bit shitty, but not really worth fighting or falling out over, and not worth letting it consume you...

Ah OP I reckon you have had enough replies now but, hey, I am also a woman on the internet with opinions.

YANBU for wanting the BBQ back but ultimately you should let it go, it’s not healthy for you to keep carrying this around.

Some people are saying you also need to let her go, and your comments suggest that you wouldn’t be heart broken if that happened. I know it’s not always practical to blow up a friendship when there are wider friendship dynamics at play.

Also don’t read too much into what car she drives etc, her family might be financed up to the hilt! You are clearly very responsible and spend within your means. She is evidently more of a careless person. I know which one I would rather be!

She wouldn't be my friend anymore.

Just reading through the thread again and spotted this. I think Justkeepingplatesspinning is absolutely right and spot on. This would explain a lot.

Your friend stole from you so she is not a friend. She did not lose it. She probably sold it. First make sure you have some written proof, like text messages where she admits she owes you a replacement. If you don’t have it then text her to get a written response that verifies your story and the value/brand. Then I would take her to small claims court. She will have to pay the cost plus legal fees.

Isn't it 6 years from last time of contact?

Find a similar bbq or the exact same one online, then send her the link and tell her you need it by the early May bank holiday for a planned family bbq.

Id say unfortunately its been binned, likely she didn't clean it after the party so got rid or else lent it to someone else. As others have said you need to send a firm message that she needs to replace the bbq, send a link to an equivalent BBQ and be clear that this is to replace the one she lost, could she purchase it and send you a link/code to collect it yourself

@YorkshireRose80 when do you actually meet in person? (Not randomly bump into each other)

I'd arrange a coffee and go through repayment with her. She's behaving badly though.

I've picked x BBQ, which I know is really expensive so I wouldn't expect you to pay for it all. Can you please send me £150 for the £300 BBQ I leant you unused, as I would like to use it towards the new one.

How big is her house, grounds, outbuildings so that a normal domestic bbq can be lost/mislaid for five years??? Where has she put it? Have you been to her house recently and ‘spotted’ it somewhere amidst the undergrowth? This doesn’t stack up 🙄! Poor you - and such a kind thing to do.

Life is too short - defiantly not getting the BBQ back or the money after so long. I'd move on, block and delete any of contacts / social media. Nothing you will say will impact someone like this - I'd also not bother saying you've lost my Friendship over this, people like this have no shame or care.

Unless she lives in a mansion, she has not lost a bbq! Even then I’d be questioning it. If you had said like 2 years I would say definitely pursue it, keep on at her but 6 years just seems a bit much, I’d be questioning the friendship though cos clearly she doesn’t respect your belongings or you for that matter.

Think you need to respond.

Just wondering if you now have found my bbq as you have had it 6 years and I would now like to use it. Presumably as its been well hidden away it must still be like new. If you can't locate or damaged then I will accept the £300 that it will cost to replace. I might even cook you a sausage on my new bbq if you are lucky!

Honestly, I’d be pissed but after this length of time, let it go. Never lend her anything again.

Personally I would not loan anything to anyone unless I was prepared to never see it again. I think given the length of time that has gone on if this is a really good friend that u want to continue to hav in Yr life u should move on and try to think her friendship is more important than a lost bbq. If however they are not that close a friend I would have one last try to actually speak to her on the phone or in person (not text) and try to emplain that it was never meant as a gift and ask her honestly what happened to it?? And try to find a resolution? Maybe offer to help her look for it as it might be she simply hasn't found the time but a bbq shouldn't really have vanished?? I would just try to get to the bottom of it and maybe if you cant you could ask her for say a hundred quid towards a new bbq? after explaining that the one u loaned her was worth three times that amount?

Having ruminated for a while, I think she cracked on to her mum that she had bought her the BBQ. It's not at her house, it's at her mum's and her mum doesn't know that it was on loan.
Definitely time to draw the line under and move on.

At this point, I don't think you'll ever see your original BBQ again and as others have said, it'd probably be wrecked by this point.

Nor do I think that your 'friend' (and I use the term loosely) is ever going to replace it. She's got away with it for years and obviously believes that she will continue to do so - in fact, I imagine she doesn't even give it a thought these days except for your yearly reminder, which she probably regards as a nuisance.

Personally, I wouldn't want to remain friends with someone so selfish and thoughtless and I would tell them so, 'Dear X. Yes, it's time for that yearly reminder again but this year I'm not going to do that. Instead, I'm going to tell you precisely why you are such a rotten friend and why I don't want anything more to do with you ...'

More than likely, she'll be annoyed and delete your email. Possibly, she might be cheeky enough to reply. Whatever. Get her out of your life and forget about her. Basically, she's a thief and she's not worth your time.