To think they should still replace it...

I'm guessing it's a relative rather than a friend. Surely there's no way you'd still be in contact with a 'friend' after they had done this? Probably a bit daft to lend a BBQ to a friend for her other friend though. They can easily get trashed if not used correctly.

I think after 5 years(!) you need to let it go and be very careful about what you lend to her again.

The reality is after 6 years you aren't getting it

You have 2 choices. Keep reminding her forever more

Forget the friendship and move on

Ask to borrow something expensive then sell it and buy a bbq.

I would buy a new one, and send her a message saying “you owe me £nn” for the replacement BBQ, and send them your bank details

I think write off the BBQ but NEVER see the cunt again.

I'd ask for it back/for it to be replaced one more time, if she still doesn't (which I doubt she would bother after all this time) then I wouldn't bother talking to her again, she's obviously not a very good friend if she can't be honest and tell you what's really happened to it, how does someone lose a huge BBQ 😵‍💫 I bet she still has it and uses it every summer

YANBU. I’d be mortified if I lost something belonging to someone else. I don’t think I could admit it straight away - I’d replace with an exact model and if I couldn’t find it, I’d give the exact value for a new replacement in cash with an apology. Sounds like she’s given it away or sold it though, it’s not ‘lost’.

She's clearly not going to return it or replace it if you've been asking for five years.

Brilliant

You bought a BBQ 6 years ago but didn't have a big enough garden or anywhere to store it. You lent to a friend who used it and stored it for you. Let it go.

Of course they should replace it, but they almost certainly won't.

Yep, no other possibility.

Unless you're Paul Daniels, claiming to have 'lost' something as big as a BBQ is the most ridiculous, pathetic lie ever.

I agree with PP that she may not even have used it - just sold it straightaway as a new, boxed item. For all we know, if it's normal price is £300, she could even have sold it for more than OP paid for it in the sale.

Because OP doesn't have the money to buy one.

I didn't know that.
You learn something new every day.

I have to agree with the previous pp, these MN friendships really baffle me.

So I assume you have seen this friend F2F many times since? Why haven't you brought it up directly so she can't weasel out of it?

It's too late to expect anything now, the normal thing to do would have been to follow up after the original request and giving her a deadline.

well, OP, in your shoes (which i wouldn't be because i'd have told her to clean it, pack it back in the box and bring it back within a week of the party) i would give her an ultimatum: either a similar BBQ or 150 in cash by the 1st May.

And then you need to drop her out of your life because there's not much chance to come back from that.

Yeah, too much time has passed for small claims now.

Can you not just message her something a bit more... doable? If she's a good person, and she's just been shit on this, then stop sending her a "please replace my BBQ" thing which she'll read, agree to, and seemingly forget. Message her that you're going to look at BBQs today and can she send you the £150, or tell her that you've just found one you want and will go back for it after lunch so can she bank transfer it to you, etc. Something easy that she can do on her phone pretty instantly.

If she doesn't do even that, then I think your choices are:

• Have a face-to-face chat with her, awkward as it may be
• Let it go and try and forget about it for the sake of the friendship, or
• Cut the friendship off.

I do know how you feel. A very close friend of mine borrowed my road bike years and years ago - I moved just after upgrading and didn't really have time to ride it, and she was spending a fortune hiring bikes every week. It made sense for her to have it. Just before lockdown, I got a turbo trainer and asked if I could get my bike out of her shed... she said she couldn't find it and I must have had it back already, and any attempts to chat about it where flatly shut down. Weirdly enough, she left it by my front door several years later... It'd clearly been used as an off-roader, the tyres are fucked, they've put a weird mountain bike seat on it, and peeled off most of the tape. She didn't ever thank me or anything 🤷‍♀️

OP, your friend didn't 'lose' your bbq. That's ridiculous. You don't just lose a hunting great piece of metal.

She sold it, pure and simple. And you know what? I bet she didn't even use it at her mum's birthday bbq. She clocked that it was brand new and pocketed a decent chunk of change from the sale.

Technically you're still within the time for small claims court. It's 6 years from when you first realised there was a problem (that she had lost it), not 6 years from when you bought it/lent it to her.

You'd have to be quick though.

@Boating123 , it's from Hamlet, and it's a good one.

6 years down the line, I’d let it go.

My Nana's motto which i agree with was - never a borrower or lender be.

Never lend someone something you are not prepared to lose. Don't waste any more energy trying to get it/the money back. It's a waste of time.

Same here.
Also most of the time this stuff isn't absolutely essential. Nobody NEEDS a barbecue. If she didn't have one, just use the oven/readymade food? LOL.

Whenever I've lent something I've never had it return even after asking several times. I no longer lend things unless I am there when they use it and it's unbreakable.