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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think they should still replace it...

336 replies

YorkshireRose80 · 04/04/2024 10:47

TLDR:
Friend borrowed expensive item six years ago, lost it and not replaced it despite frequent requests asking for it to be replaced.

Long version:
Six years ago, I bought a £300 fancy BBQ in a sale for £150, I didn't have a suitable garden for it at the time, but it was a bargain so I bought it and stored it away.

Six months later, my friend was asking around to see if anyone had a BBQ she could borrow for her mum's birthday party which friend was hosting. Mine wasn't being used, so I happily lent it to her. She used it and thanked me and said she'd drop it back at some point. As I still didn't have a suitable garden, I said there was no immediate rush.

The following summer, I had a suitable garden and wanted to have a BBQ, but recalled my mate hadn't returned it. I asked her to return it and she apologised for not doing so sooner, but later messaged to say that she's really sorry, she's looked and not been able to find it. Said she must have lost it!

Not quite sure how you can lose a fucking BBQ. I lent it to her unopened, in its box, it weighed a lot and was big and bulky.

I was quite upset, as I'd never even got to use it, but I didn't go off at her as she was pregnant with her first child and she'd had a couple of scares. So, I asked if she could have another look for it and get back to me.

Anyway, long story short, she couldn't find it. I awaited her message to say she'd replace it, but it never came. Her DD was then born and I let it go for a while as she was on mat leave and money was tight. But when she was back working, I asked her outright to replace it and she said she would, but it never materialised.

So, every spring for the past five years I have asked her again if she could please replace my BBQ. She says she will, but doesn't.

I know it's only a BBQ, but it's not something I'd usually be able to afford for the original price and I've held off buying a cheap one, hoping friend will come through with replacement.

Clocks have now gone forward and it's almost time for my annual request for my BBQ! 😅 My mum said I should let it go, but my DH agrees with me and said I should persist for a replacement.

If I lost something I borrowed, expensive or not, I'd replace it straight away.

My friend is doing well for herself and recently got a brand new car, her DD and DS have lovely clothes and lots of tech, so money doesn't seem to be the reason. And if it was, I'd be open to her paying for it in installments.

Soooo....

YABU - Suck it up buttercup, it's gone, get over it.
YANBU - She needs to replace it, regardless of how much time as passed. It's the principle of the matter.

OP posts:
Alwaysalwayscold · 04/04/2024 17:05

I agree that you need to send her the link and tell her she's taking the piss now.

Mummame2222 · 04/04/2024 17:02

I would leave it but I would also leave the friendship. She sounds like a dick.

Skiphopbump · 04/04/2024 16:58

Send her a link to the same or now equivalent model and say ‘I’ve found the BBQ you can replace mine with, I’ll need it by X date, thanks’

KeepingItUnderTheRadar · 04/04/2024 16:55

She didn't lose it. She didn't clean it properly, then left it in the garden to get rained on and when she did check it it was rusty and beyond saving.

That's exactly what I did with my sisters BBQ once (but I did replace hers!)

CarrotCake01 · 04/04/2024 16:53

I'd message again and insist.

You lent it to her in good faith, you weren't gifting it to her. That's cheeky af that she's not apologised and at least offered to contribute to another one.

FloofCloud · 04/04/2024 16:52

Send her a link to the bbq you le t to her and ask her to have it delivered to your house as you're having a bbq soon.
Don't lend to her again she can't be trusted! I agree with PP who said she's sold it - no one 'loses' a bbq 💩👿

CatamaranViper · 04/04/2024 16:52

I'd probably find a BBQ online I liked the look of and send her the link.

"Hi Friend,
how are you? How is the family?
I feel like I bring this up every year but I really need to get my BBQ replaced. I've found this one online (insert link) for £xxx. Can you let me know if you're still happy to replace this, if so, this one would be perfect or if you can please find my BBQ before (insert date). If you can't for any reason, can you please just let me know so I know whether it's time to draw a line under it? I feel a bit in limbo."

OR be really petty and invite her, her family and mutual friends round for a BBQ. When she turns up, act really surprised she hasn't brought said BBQ. What did she expect you to cook on since she has your BBQ!? (faux surprise)

JMSA · 04/04/2024 16:50

Cheeky bitch. You need a more immediate solution than waiting for her to replace the thing.
'I don't want to put you to the trouble of shopping for a new BBQ, so please just put the £150 that it cost in my account. And no more fobbing me off for another year!! Thanks.'

Applescruffle · 04/04/2024 16:49

I'm sorry but HOW THE FUCK do you lose a BBQ and never find it again after 5 whole years??? 😂😂😂

OP, please tell me you were at least invited to her BBQ and at least got a sodding burger out of all of this!!!

TomatoWrap · 04/04/2024 16:45

I also bet she's been moaning about you banging on about the BBQ for 5 years, telling people she stored it for you and did you a favour and you didn't pay for it/got it cheap and expect it replaced.

Is she actually a friend anymore?

TomatoWrap · 04/04/2024 16:42

YABU to have any hope of her replacing it after so long of her fobbing you off. I'd be so embarrassed if I was her, having to be asked so many times.

If you must, ask one last time along the lines of:

'We'd really appreciate you replacing the bbq I leant you. It's been 5 years and I know at times you may not have been able to afford it, if you still can't afford it please let me know so I don't waste my time asking you every year.'

Pluviophile1 · 04/04/2024 16:37

Dear Sarah,
Despite me asking each year for the past 5 years, you are clearly not planning to return or replace the BBQ you took. You owe me a BBQ. Here are my bank details. Please deposit £150 (the cost of the BBQ you took and did not return) by Monday 8th at the latest.

Nchanged89 · 04/04/2024 16:33

You can keep asking, but she's not replacing it.
She's not a friend really is she behaving like this?

RedHelenB · 04/04/2024 16:23

YorkshireRose80 · 04/04/2024 11:03

My neighbour is a close friend and has trundled her BBQ round a few times for me to use... and return.

Show quote history

Yabu, this gets more batshut with each update.

pleasecallmeback · 04/04/2024 16:19

I once gave a friend's teenage daughter lots of unused baby equipment, high chair, rocking crib, baby bouncer, unused car seat, fold up buggy, never worn newborn clothes - because her mum said the partner has buggered off and she had nothing and no money for the baby. Within a week, I saw the stuff on eBay and when I asked about it, friend said daughter wanted money to buy new stuff. I told her to remove the listing and give me back my items, I hadn't given them to her so she could sell them. I donated the whole lot to a women's refuge in Yorkshire.

Your BBQ friend has sold it. Buy another equivalent and send her an invoice.

RecycleMeNow · 04/04/2024 16:18

People are so passive sometimes. You have asked every year and then let it go? If it bothered you, you needed to be more assertive at the time and asked for a replacement ASAP or the money. You can’t make another half-hearted request this year and let it go.

She damaged it and hasn’t returned it. Decent people do not behave this way. Ugh.

ToxicChristmas · 04/04/2024 16:13

Absolute bullshit -she hasn't lost it at all. Nobody loses a bloody BBQ. She's either sold it, broken and binned it, or given it away. The lie would annoy me more than the actual BBQ being gone.
I'd write a straightforward message asking for the BBQ back ASAP or the money so you can replace it. If she has the brass balls to strop about it you know she's a shit mate.

PossumintheHouse · 04/04/2024 16:13

MaybeRevisitYourWipingT3chnique · 04/04/2024 15:42

This thread reminds me of another one from a couple of years or so ago, where OP had a 7-seater car that she was selling. Although it was worth a reasonable amount, she kindly offered to give it to a school mum, who she always saw struggling to get her kids to school, especially in the rain, after her own car had 'died' and she knew didn't have much money.

The mum was so grateful for it, but almost immediately afterwards, OP saw her walking the kids in the rain again and the car never on their (empty) drive. It turned out that she'd sold it straightaway - iirc, she'd used some of the money from it to buy a barbecue!!

Also, the 'Antique Ram Castrator' thread!

I'd be livid. Did your friend confront her, and what did she have to say for herself!? Prime time CFuckery.

mewkins · 04/04/2024 16:10

BrightLightTonight · 04/04/2024 14:56

I would buy a new one, and send her a message saying “you owe me £nn” for the replacement BBQ, and send them your bank details

I'd do this and also stipulate a date for when it needs to be paid by. You need to be really specific otherwise she will agree and then ignore.

Original poster
YorkshireRose80 · 04/04/2024 16:03

CallMikeBanning · 04/04/2024 14:41

You bought a BBQ 6 years ago but didn't have a big enough garden or anywhere to store it. You lent to a friend who used it and stored it for you. Let it go.

I did have somewhere to store it, it was being stored in my lock up. I didn't have much of a garden at the time, but bought it and stored it until I would have the following year.

And seeing as it's vanished into thin air, my friend didn't store it either!

OP posts:
AGodawfulsmallaffair · 04/04/2024 15:47

NuffSaidSam · 04/04/2024 10:56

Or invite her over for a BBQ and have nothing when she gets there and see if it sinks in.

I like this a lot.

Concannon88 · 04/04/2024 15:44

@YorkshireRose80 at best you are silly and naive to lend something brand new that you've never used to a friend and not ask for it back after the first BBQ she had. She clearly thought of it as hers. She can't have misplaced a BBQ so she's either broken it or thinks of it as hers now, which shows her character, shes not going to pay for a new one.

MaybeRevisitYourWipingT3chnique · 04/04/2024 15:42

This thread reminds me of another one from a couple of years or so ago, where OP had a 7-seater car that she was selling. Although it was worth a reasonable amount, she kindly offered to give it to a school mum, who she always saw struggling to get her kids to school, especially in the rain, after her own car had 'died' and she knew didn't have much money.

The mum was so grateful for it, but almost immediately afterwards, OP saw her walking the kids in the rain again and the car never on their (empty) drive. It turned out that she'd sold it straightaway - iirc, she'd used some of the money from it to buy a barbecue!!

Also, the 'Antique Ram Castrator' thread!

randomusernam · 04/04/2024 15:35

Got to say yabu on this one. You should never lend something for that length of time and expect it returned.

MaybeRevisitYourWipingT3chnique · 04/04/2024 15:35

CallMikeBanning · 04/04/2024 14:41

You bought a BBQ 6 years ago but didn't have a big enough garden or anywhere to store it. You lent to a friend who used it and stored it for you. Let it go.

Not the most profitable 'investment' for OP, thought, is it?

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