To think they should still replace it...

Any update @YorkshireRose80 ?

Buy a new one and email her the bill.
They either sold yours or didn't look after it and were embarrassed to return it in a state.

I would not bother asking again, you either let it go or claim in court. People who borrow like that, seem to always be quick to say no to lending items.

You will need to get a shift on, the only way to get her to replace it is through the small claims court. Or else you are going to have to accept that you have lost your barbeque and your money. This happened to me some years ago, I lent a friend's father a Polaroid camera, never saw it again, it still rankles a little even after all this time.

By this point I'd probably say "it doesn't look like you're going to replace the lost Bbq, would it be easier for you to just transfer the money & I'll try and find one similar. Just a fyi it was half price at £150. Thanks"

OP, I think you are a bit of a softie and your friend has totally taken advantage. She must have known it was new in box and has either thought you've forgotten and sold it on, or lent it to someone else who won't return it to her and never wanted to say. I think you could ask for the next ten years and not get it back soooo if it were me, I would ask randomly to borrow something lovely and expensive, say around the £150 mark.

I would make an unannounced visit and openly search her property for it

🥇 for most ridiculous (of a ridiculous thread) post on this thread (possibly ever on mumsnet!)

She’s no friend - friends don’t steal property!
I would make an unannounced visit and openly search her property for it (who cares what she thinks). Not finding it would mean she’s given it away. If you have a text from her asking to borrow it, I would take her to small claims court - just receiving the court paperwork would make her cough up the money she owes. However, irrespective of whether or not you’re successful in getting her to return it or pay, I would certainly drop her like a hot potato!

the mother and husband will no doubt be more baffled than anything else when the op starts off with…. 6 years ago

I would definitely tell the husband and her mother, I'd bet money on it neither know anything about 'barb b q gate' or where it truthfully came from.
I think this so called fried isn't a friend but a compulsive liar

In one of your previous posts you say she sent you links to small BBQ’s and you turned them down as they were not suitable. Unfortunately this was your missed opportunity to say just pay me the £150 cash and I will buy my own. She is aware you got a sale bargain so won’t be stumping up for a £300 replacement. You need to walk her to a cash point machine and stand over her whilst she withdraws £150 in cash as that’s the only way you will get your money back. It might involve a big blazing row on her doorstep but you won’t get any joy from text messages as she will ignore you. Your friendship will be well and truly over if you confront her but as she has disrespected you then would you care? I personally would want the £150 back, you don’t have a hope in hell of getting an equivalent BBQ out of her.

Part of me agrees with this. I have found that when you say there is no rush to return something, that means different things to different people. To me that means next week is OK rather than this week. But to others it's interpreted as you're not fussed about it really. Not saying it excuses this woman from ever giving it back, but it usually starts things off on the wrong foot.

By saying there was no rush to return it and then forgetting about it for a year, she’s thought you didn’t want it. Sold it or binned it. You should have taken it back immediately and she should’ve told you if it had become a nuisance. I think you may have both been unreasonable. Just move on if you value the friendship.

If she is your friend ??
Surely during those 5 years you have been to her house and seen if she still has it or even collected it yourself!!

If not a friend you visit, then why did you lend a brand new expensive item to someone who you don't see?

I would have been knocking her door as soon as I wanted to use it asking for it..not messaging asking 5 years later

Makes no sense to me

Find a bbq you like, send her the picture and say please can you forward me the £150 I paid for the bbq you happened to somehow lose as I’m not going another year without one!

I'd ask her direct , maybe message her but say please can you replace my new BBQ. If she doesn't, sorry I would have to stop the friendship as personally it would eat away at me, it's MORE the principle of it all.

it depends how you frame it.

I would have given up after year 2, had nothing more to do with her, got myself a bbq and enjoyed the last 4 summers out in my garden using my bbq not giving a moments thought to this ex friend and my rusting old bbq

You have been wayyyy more reasonable than I would have been.

I would message her and be blunt, say this is the 5th year now of you having no BBQ as she still has it. (Regardless if she has lost it or not) give her a set date and say you want the BBQ returned by this date at the absolute latest, if she can’t find it say here are my bank details & you want the £300 transfered over. Yes £300 as that is what the BBQ would cost to replace like for like. Tbh should be more due to inflation & cost of everything but I’d stick to the £300.

if the date comes & goes & no BBQ or money, go to her husband ask him to pay. Go to her family, go online call her out! People need to be accountable for their actions!! If she valued you she would pay!

Invite your friend out for a coffee and cake at a garden center cafe...

Get onto the subject while you are there.. or walk past the BBQs on the way out and say "ohh that's like the one you stole from me"

You'll either get the BBQ replaced or ruin the friendship further... Which clearly doesn't mean that much to her..

Was she short of money at the time? If so I think she sold it while it was still in the box.

Try being clearer and let her know in simple terms that you feel that the responsibility for replacing something she borrowed and subsequently lost, still lies with her ever after all this time.

I wouldn't have waited the long length of time,I would have gone out an bought one an made her pay the full amount whether it was in installments or full payment,keep a copy of the receipt yourself for proof of purchase date an amount.She dosent seem much of a friend.

Six years???? This person is not a friend and I hope you see that. I can't understand why you've let it drag on though. I would've confronted years ago. Anyway.

Ideas:
call/text/email/show-up at her house saying, Mary, you're taking me for a fool. It doesn't matter how it went missing, you were and are responsible. The replacement cost is x. Pay me now.
or stealth mode, drop it. Borrow something of similar replacement value from her then ghost her for six years. At that point, if she mentions it, tell her it is likely with your bbq. "You remember, the one you "lost."
or
Drop it and drop her.
or
Drop it and continue being "friends."
Lots of options. 🙂

I don't reckon she kept it for herself. If she'd wanted to borrow it to use in her own garden, or even in her Mum's garden, she probably could have borrowed it regularly from OP, without all the drama.

Barbecues are usually quite robust - especially at the £300 price point - so I doubt it got trashed. They can be easily cleaned, and they're obviously designed to live outside, so even pet wee up the back of it wouldn't be the end of the world, with a good wipe down.

I reckon she sold it - either after using it, or maybe before using it, still new and boxed. It could have been her plan all along to steal it from OP (under the guise of 'borrowing' it) in order to make herself a nice wedge.

The only alternative I can think of, as PP have suggested, is if she gave it to her Mum as a present, instead of buying her a gift herself; or there was a very awkward miscommunication whereby she had borrowed it to use there and her Mum assumed that she had given it to her as a present. After all, 'giving somebody a barbecue as a birthday present' could equally be interpreted as organising the event and getting the food or actually giving over the actual barbecue.

How embarrassing would it be if her Mum had been effusively grateful and told everybody "Hey, look what our Laura has given me for a present - isn't she so generous; I'll get loads of use out of that!" ?

I'd send her an actual link of what you want as a replacement. She didn't lose it she lent it on and it got owned by someone else (unless she secretly kept it).
In any case, she's no friend is she?