DH blaming me for being tired

For both your sakes, I'd be investing in a sleep consultant to help aid the 1 year olds sleep.

Your marriage can't go on like this with continuous strain, it won't be a happy household for your children or for you guys.

Is everyone else reading a different thread?!

Of COURSE OP has the worse deal. She also works today, and was up from 7-12 with a crying baby while he pissed about on his phone.

And then he refused to help for more than 45 minutes.

And her baby was in pain fgs, leaving a child to cry in pain is even worse than the usual bullshit 'sleep trainers' push.

How is waking him at after midnight and him waking her at 1am a couple hours? Don't be so ridiculous.

Ya both bu for playing the 'I've got a worse deal' game but also ya both nbu because sleep deprivation makes us all a bit bonkers.

My advice is get support with sleep training so you can both get better sleep, together, in an adult bed. It will be tough but worth it imo

Im confused. You asked for a couple of hours sleep - you got a couple of hours sleep, until 1am. Yet you’re annoyed he didn’t let you sleep all night? If you want a whole night, you need to discuss it earlier.

I'm sorry you had a rough night and your baby is unwell. I hope they are better soon.

I don't agree with others who say "as you work part time, you should do more childcare" as that can rapidly become you doing ALL the childcare and then having to drag yourself through the working days.

but I don't have any answers I'm afraid.

With DD1 l worked from when she was a few months, I did all childcare, worked part time and did all household chores. And was pretty close to a breakdown.

I just don't think some husbands "get it". And expect not to do mand with the children, for the Partner to carry on doing the heavy lifting at home and can't cope with a night's broken sleep...

OP works part time therefore is not entitled a full night's sleep? You don't know if OP has a chance to não in the afternoon or not, even if OP does it's not the same. If DH can be up late on his phone he certainly can be up looking after his child.

I think you are both BU as you are both very tired.

I do however think it's a bit extreme to complain this wasn't the first time he's said he's tired after poor sleep hygiene. He is allowed to be tired! He doesn't have to be perfect and never complain!

Also if he did look after DD for longer as you had expected at midnight, surely he would have been up til 3 then up at 7 again anyway? So either way he would be exhausted.

I am sure you are also exhausted, but there's no point arguing about who is more tired and why. It won't help

🤷‍♀️

The irony 🤣

Your one year old is a terrible sleeper because you co-sleep, not the other way round.

When they are well again teach them to fall asleep in their own room.

There's also no reason your dh needs to 'keep an ear out' at night for siblings aged four and eight.

You would all be happier for putting your kids to bed in their own beds at bedtime and sleeping soundly until morning!

Yes… that is what i have to add to the thread…

…that is why i added it to the thread…

… is there something wrong?????

You both sound tired and cranky, it doesn't seem his fault more both of you being cranky. But as you work part time I'd think more of the nights do need to be on you, with him doing his fair share. And you say what you usually do works for you, so this sounds a bit of a one off where you both just need to let it go.

GPs have sent my young children to A&E with throat infections and ear infections. Child get very unwell very quickly with these things and need to be seen to rule out anything more sinister.

I wouldn't say anything as he needs to get a grip, frankly.

She (probably) also has considerably more childcare during the day!

Exactly. I had this with DS on holiday I had to get him antibiotics. I don't know why posters are sniping.

It is mostly her responsibility because she works part time.

Is that what you have to add to the thread?

It is not HELP, it's parenting.

Change this language as it creates the illusion that it's your responsibility

YANBU but you really need to get your baby checked out. They can lose their hearing from an untreated infection.

Was he blaming you or just blaming the argument? That’s not the same thing.

I also think you were being a bit of a martyr. If you’d agreed you were the one getting the rest during that period, why didn’t you hand her off and go sleep in the toddler bed yourself?

Really???

I'd try and talk about it once you're both feeling a bit more reasonable and less tired, if that is possible- most likely it'll blow over and just part of normal tiredness that comes with having kids and the inevitable arguments. If you want to make sure he understands why you were unhappy with him not fulfilling his end of the deal (giving you a few hours sleep) you'll need to drag it out and have a proper talk about it. I do think he needs to get to bed earlier if he wants sleep and you've got 3 kids. It's just common sense.

Pulling ears can be a sign of teething, but who knows with babies. It's so hard. I'd get to the pharmacy if paracetamol hasn't worked and they're still in lots of pain.
Good luck.

It sounds like for his own sleep he needs to do what js asked more often since the op is done with not getting much support overnight and won’t let him get away with not delivering on the planned support. Thats how to stop the arguments.