Wedding reception invite wording

Refreshments/drinks canapes at 5 or whatever. Can be crisps and nuts, and a glass of something or other, just to get people there.
Dinner bell (!) 7pm or whatever. They sit down, you come in.
Speeches BEFORE dinner.
You're welcome.

OP, my friend got married in vegas and only told her family on their return. They were emotionally blackmailed in to a party, which escalated essentially in to a wedding reception and everything they had tried to avoid. They regretted caving in to family pressure massively. It also cost them a fortune.

Put timings on the invite and then if people are late you can shrug and say they had it in black and white.

Then perhaps move to the other side of the country/a different country and start imposing serious boundaries!

If they miss speeches that's on them for being late.
Why are you pandering to them? Why would your grandma or mum care if your in laws missed the speeches?

Blimey, if they are this vicious and nasty over you getting married, imagine how controlling they're going to be when you have children, @Itsaweddingoneagain. Seriously, I would be cancelling this charade as a boundary-setting exercise. They won't cut you off – they're bluffing because you're letting them. And on the off-chance they do, enjoy the break from the mental stress!

I think you’d be surprised at the number of families and particularly mothers who feel this way. My ex-partners SIL asked me about marriage, and when I joked about eloping she very straight faced told me it would be extremely selfish to deny my Mum her day as Mother-of-the-bride, and she would find it hard to forgive me herself if we eloped. My mum has also voiced something similar, and on the whole we are a pretty well balanced family emotionally and mentally.

It’s batshit, but many family members feel massively entitled when it comes to other people’s weddings.

My birthday invite was something along the lines " welcome to celebrate 5.30pm onwards. The celebration and toast start at 6"

Also, assuming you're the age most people are when they get married, i.e. quite young, and planning to have children.

Trust me.

You need to have learned how to grey rock these people before you have children, if you are hoping to have them.

Because it's highly likely that your mum and MIL and numerous siblings are all going to be expressing their opinions about whether you should share the sex of your baby during pregnancy, who gets a say in what your children are called, who is to be informed when you go into labour, who is allowed in the delivery room when you give birth, who gets to rock up at the hospital, who will be camped out on your doorstep waiting for you when you get home, who should be hosted and waited on hand and foot when you're recovering from giving birth, whether you should breast feed because breast is best or bottle feed because it's selfish not to let other people feed your baby and so on and so forth.

You need to get better at saying, "No, that doesn't work for us. No, we don't want to. No, you can't. No, we don't owe you our time/contact with our baby/an explanation. No, get lost."

I get that you don't feel that right now is the time to say, "No, we're not having a wedding party, because we don't want one."

But right after this farce party would be the second best time to start saying no. Because it is only going to get harder as time goes on.

That is rude why does it matter if people are there at six or not?

It sounds like you are being railroaded into a traditional wedding reception which is what you don’t want. It’s a very early start for an evening do I think you need to include timings then people know what to expect.

You're allowing these people to have too much control over you, OP.

OK, they're upset.

So what?

Your mum, who didn't want you to put wording on your invitations asking people not to be late, is then upset because Uncle Johnny was late and missed the speeches.

Oh dear. What a shame.

You need to practise making this face.

@Itsaweddingoneagain

I hate to ask but are you planning on having a family?

Because seriously, if they're this bad over a wedding then imagine what they'll be like with grandchildren

You need to start standing up to them

And why can't you see your DGM without your mother being involved?

OFFS.

https://www.merriam-webster.com/wordplay/read-this-before-you-elope

So why did she say she was? 😂

No, she doesn't

She knows that.

Hence the inverted commas

Personally I’d tell them all to shove it! But if you’re dead set on going ahead, I’d put something like:

Trevor and Maud would love you to join them for the evening to celebrate their recent marriage.

Venue: X
Date: Y
Time: please arrive by 5:45pm

If you have any dietary requirements please let us know yadda yadda (to make it clear there will be food)

Then you’ve got a clear half hour for muppets.

I like an invitation to have a start time, a finish time, what I'm being fed and what to wear.

Please arrive by 5.30 pm for a 6pm sit-down dinner. Smart casual/Dress to Impress/Black tie or whatever!

As someone who 'eloped' so got married with just 5 of us there and then had a blessing/party with family and friends when we got back I would very much say don't do it!

I agree that's a perfect solution.

You'll hate Vegas knowing you're coming back to a party you don't want.

I personally wouldn't go along with what your family are pushing you into, but if that's what you've decided, @BananaLambo s suggestion is the best way to do what the family want, and for you to have a relaxing holiday.

If you're having a sit down meal, speeches and first dance you might as well just have the wedding here. Seems pointless eloping, which people usually do to avoid the stress and cost of a full wedding. You're doing all of that anyway apart from the ceremony. Then have your honeymoon on Vegas.

I presume the people causing a huge fuss for you to do all this are offering to foot the bill?

Hmm the whole thing is a bad idea. You will resent it so so much. You'll spend the entire time in Vegas thinking about the awful reception you'll have to host when you get back. I can't imagine why you would do a first dance in front of everyone either. You will hate every.single.second.

OP, i really think you ought to evaluate just why you are going to dance to the batshit tune here.

So if they miss it, it will be our fault. I don’t give a hoot who walks in when. I care about the backlash we will get if people think “oh evening reception, lovely I’ll turn up at 9” and then Mum or MIL will be mad Uncle Johnny missed the first dance.

this bit of your most recent post is absolutely bonkers. I think it might be an idea for you and your DP to invest at least a bit of your money into some therapy, so you can develop better strategies for handling your family. Because my reaction to my mum or MIL blaming me because Mad Uncle Johnny being late would be to laugh in their faces and tell them to grow up. Not that I'd have invited Mad Uncle Johnny. We didn't have a photographer at our wedding because i really really hate having my photograph taken. There are photos, but not professional ones, and i barely look at them. And for sure there was a bit of pushback from our families so i told them if they want one, they can pay for it. And then... we didn't have one.

it is your party. Have the party you want. Don't dance if you don't want. Or do the chicken dance if you prefer that. etc etc. I really think you're giving it all far too much headspace.

Can I just clarify if your parents are paying for this wedding celebration?

If not, why on earth are you having it?

If so, let them crack on with the organising and wording etc, just give them a list of people you want to invite and turn up on the day.

This really isn't your problem to solve.

If your parents want a party, let them host and pay for it; if they're not prepared to do that, the. They can't be that bothered about it 🤷‍♀️

I’d do this differently to keep it as contained as possible. Early wedding (11am) in the local registry office, buffet in the nearest half decent gastro pub or hotel (5-10 minute walk) and you can clear off by 2pm. People can stay and have more drinks if they want but you’ll be going to catch a train to the Lake District for your honeymoon night (or something). Have it on a week day to reduce the number of people able to come. Then have your wedding blessed in Vegas and an amazing honeymoon. You’ll be able to relax because you won’t have to worry about all the hoo-ha when you get back and you won’t have Auntie Betty phoning you while you’re on holiday wanting the number of your florist so she can get a button hole ordered for Uncle George.

‘Mary and John would like to invite you to their wedding at 11am on Monday 23rd October followed by lunch at The Windy Porcupine.’

You could have the whole thing done and dusted in 3 hours.