Wedding reception invite wording

Who is paying for it?

How about a poem

We are getting hitched, eloping to Vegas!
But our selfish families have chosen to plague us
With empty threats and blackmail (the emotional kind)
Which has put us both in a bit of a bind
We are now being forced to have a farce of a ‘do’
which we think sounds horrendous and we bet you do too
Our mothers however are being bossy about this fix
And have ruled that all guests must be there by six
It will save us all time and money if everyone is a no-show
So do us all a favour and RSVP ‘no’

We eloped to Vegas (and got married ant Wee Kirk of the Heather it was a brilliant day) and due to similar pathetic threats from my own mum she threw us a reception. I hated every second and it felt fake and silly when we’d already been married a month. She didn’t get that I didn’t want a wedding because speeches first dances etc are my idea of hell. I really regret agreeing to it actually so please think before sending out invitations

Why on earth did you "elope", as you call it, and still agree to this farce when you came back? What was the point, exactly?

This is the way to do it, OP.

A wedding reception follows a wedding, on the same day, not weeks later. What you're planning is a modest (50 isn't a lot) party, to celebrate a wedding that took place weeks prior. You could do speeches, but as a party guest I would think it was silly, and I'd think a first dance was silly too (when you've been married for weeks). And a hog roast spread will never be a sit down 'meal', no matter how much you try to convince people. 😂 A sit down meal is three or more courses, served by waiting staff.

I'd sack it off and just elope. We had a micro wedding last year. Didn't invite any siblings. My parents also got uninvited after some shitty behaviour on their part.

Everyone was mad. They were so mad that we got the most peaceful 13 months of our lives because they all went low /no contact to try and "punish" us into changing our minds before the wedding, and did the same after the wedding because we hadn't caved.

Both sides got over themselves after they called family meetings 6 months post wedding to get us to apologise. We stood firm and said they were welcome to go NC if they weren't happy. They dropped it after that.

Are you in Ireland OP?! This has got Irish family politics written all over it!!

Wow why are you bowing down to what your parents want? You’re getting married not them! Get a back bone!!
Tell people to come at 530 then! Or add a line saying similar but please arrive promptly as to not miss the speeches!

Maybe I’m just working myself up because I can’t be arsed with the bloody thing anyway.

I was already thinking this and then you said it yourself. You feel angry and resentful about the party and those feelings have to go somewhere. I'm guessing when your mom was dismissive about latecomers (after already steamrolling your feelings about eloping) you dug your heels in more because it feels like you should get to control some part of this.

But this is not the specific thing to get worked up about. It's not worth being rude to innocent bystanders (yes, the proposed wording on your invite is offputting) over speeches and grand entrances that you don't want to have anyways. State "seated dinner served at X:XX" (give the time as 15 min before you actually plan to start) and people will understand that it's not a come whenever event. If there's a straggler or two just ignore it - you should have a somewhat-discreet entrance/exit available to guests who might need to step out unexpectedly anyways.

Address the wider issue with your DM and MIL & find better ways to make this event feel like yours.

This.

I know a wedding is a big life event but the truth is that giving them all what they want this time will not get them off your backs in the future.

On the contrary.

It's rewarding bad behaviour.

It's teaching these people that if they shout and stamp their feet and emotionally blackmail you, you will give them what they want.

So what will they do next time they want something?

They'll do the same again. And again. And again.

If you say no, and put some boundaries in place, they'll howl with rage but their power over you will be gone.

Ultimately, unless you're prepared to concede over and over and over again and give them whatever they want for the rest of their lives, you may as well put your foot down now.

Either they'll learn to cope, and the sky will not fall in, or they'll do as they promised and cut you off. If they do the latter, you can be sure that they would do that at some point, so if it happens 10 years down the line over something else and you end up cutting or reducing contact with them anyway, you'll regret letting them ruin your wedding, your children's births and god knows what else.

You and your husband to be have nine siblings between you. There will be plenty of other opportunities for your mum and MIL to show off in front of the extended family.

This is not your circus and you are not their performing monkeys.

Arrival time : 5:30 - 6:00
Food : time
Speeches : time
First dance : time
Party : time
Home time : time

Agreed!!

50 people some of them being couples and family groups isn't that many can you just message them this

She’s not married yet. She told her parents they were going to get married,

For me "speeches at 6.30pm" on the invite would let people know they are missing them if they are late.

Also say to mum and mil "I hope everyone is there on time i would hate for anyone to miss the speeches" then they will surely give the siblings grief to ensure they arrive on time. Better yet if it is all about pleasing Mum/MIL then ask them what to do. I am sure they will gladly advise 🙂

You're getting your knickers in a twist.... why?
it's just a party, pop on the invite open from 6, speeches at 7, food at 8 and relax.
Nobody gives a shit if Maud misses the speeches. you don't need a grand entrance, you chose to opt out of all that crap..remember??

Not something we really wanted to do but both of our Mothers have explicitly told us they will never speak to us again if we don’t do something over here

I'd take them up on that. Win-win.

By having this 'reception' or 'wedding party', or whatever you want to call it, you are essentially being coerced and bullied into having the wedding you wanted to avoid in the first place. The easy bit is the ceremony. The hard bit is the reception, what the mothers and everyone else is "upset" about.

Push back. I know it'll be hard to backtrack now after the communications but go with what you and your partner want. It's about YOU BOTH and the rest of your lives together, not your family. Do not allow yourselves to be emotionally blackmailed.

Wedding abroad just the two of you. End of.

You've already been given the answer. It's "5:30 for 6:00."

It tells people they're welcome anytime from 5:30 to 6:00, but they better be there for 6:00, because that's when things happen.

she isn't! she doesn't want it to happen or even to be there herself!

How strange. Why don't you just say no ? All sounds mad to have a party/speeches etc that you don't want

If you cannot commit to this time kindly please decline the invite”.

This is the rude bit. You're basically saying that they're not important enough to you, to attend if they're ten minutes late. I'd read that and think 'fuck you' frankly, and I'm generally really easy going!
So you expect people to turn round and go home if they've been stuck
In traffic and are half an hour late?

By all means let them know that there's a prompt start, but telling them they're not welcome if they can't make it in time it's beyond rude, and basically says that you're not bothered whether they're there or not.

Jeez, OP. You must be dreading this and that is such a shame.

Are your mum and MIL expecting gushing tributes to them both in the speeches? Will the parents follow you on the dance floor after this mandatory first dance?

These stand out to me as opportunities for them to be centre stage.

Because nothing here is about you and your fiancé.

Can't believe they are going to outright lie about there being a ceremony on the day.

this