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Wedding reception invite wording

237 replies

Itsaweddingoneagain · 03/04/2024 15:49

Hi all I’m getting married at the end of the year. Me and DP are ‘eloping’ to vegas just the two of us. I say ‘eloping’ as it isn’t a secret and we have told our families. After many tears, arguments and pushbacks from both sides of our family we’ve decided to host a wedding reception in the UK the month after we get back. Not something we really wanted to do but both of our Mothers have explicitly told us they will never speak to us again if we don’t do something over here. We knew they would be mad hence why we told them before we went and got married.

We are planning a reception of about 50 people. Again much bigger than we would like but I have 5 siblings, DP has 4. They all have partners and both of our parents are remarried. We tried to keep it small but numbers quickly added up. Anyway the reception will start at 6pm and we will arrive at around 6:15/6:20 to make the traditional entrance. We will have speeches (this was important to both sides of our family), food which will be a traditional hog roast style spread, first dance and then it will carry on into the night.

Due to the nature of it we need everyone to arrive at no later than 6. We are worried that no matter what we tell people they will hear wedding reception so will think any time from 6. If people arrive later than this it will just not flow how we need it to. I want to add a tag line at the bottom of the invite saying something along the lines of “Due to having speeches and a sit down meal planned we need all bums on seats at 6pm sharp. If you cannot commit to this time kindly please decline the invite”. My Mum has told me this is really rude. I’m worried about people strolling in at 730 in the middle of speeches!! I’ve been to wedding receptions where people have arrived hours after the initial start time- I’ve never been to a wedding reception that didn’t have an actual wedding before it and nobody we know has either.

Maybe I’m just working myself up because I can’t be arsed with the bloody thing anyway.

OP posts:
SloaneStreetVandal · 03/04/2024 20:37

Itsaweddingoneagain · 03/04/2024 20:30

Both sides of the family have put money towards but we are also. At risk of being incredibly outing one of the Mums involved is an events planner so the whole thing is costing a lot less than it should. After the uproar we said we would hire a function room in the local rugby club and put on finger food and she said it would be embarrassing. That’s how this whole thing has spiralled into a hog on a bloody banquet table and decorations and speeches and dances.

So the function is much cheaper than expected but still a bill to pay.

In that case I'd plead absolute greenness, and get the Mum who works in events to word the invitation. She's steam rolled everything else, so will no doubt be more than happy to take control of invites too; that way if the evening doesn't go to plan, it's her fault not yours.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 03/04/2024 20:33

Itsaweddingoneagain · 03/04/2024 20:30

Both sides of the family have put money towards but we are also. At risk of being incredibly outing one of the Mums involved is an events planner so the whole thing is costing a lot less than it should. After the uproar we said we would hire a function room in the local rugby club and put on finger food and she said it would be embarrassing. That’s how this whole thing has spiralled into a hog on a bloody banquet table and decorations and speeches and dances.

So the function is much cheaper than expected but still a bill to pay.

I'd be tempted to say that since the party is for them, not you, and they're behaving like such dicks, the new budget is whatever they are paying towards it. They can plan it, they can pay for it, they can decide what to write on the invitations, and you will turn up. Unless they carry on being dicks towards you between now and then, in which case you might not turn up.

ClareBlue · 03/04/2024 20:32

Arrival time 5.59
Sit down dinner 6pm
Speeches 6.05pm
First dance 6.18pm
All fuck off home 6.30pm

Anyone staying past 6.31pm will be physically thrown out.

That should work OP

Superscientist · 03/04/2024 20:30

This is why my family don't know I'm married (well civil partnered). My partners family found out after the fact but aren't pushy.

My sister joked about getting married with just 2 witnesses and no wedding. My mum did not approve and said if she did she had better be one of the witnesses. We had already had our ceremony by this point and I did quietly chuckle to myself.

I spent my childhood and early adulthood bending over backwards to please my mother and it got me nowhere and just miserable. My relationship with my mum is on my terms now. Learning not everything in life has to be run past my mother was very freeing. I just have a life I share with her and a life where it's just better to have her in the dark.

Itsaweddingoneagain · 03/04/2024 20:30

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 03/04/2024 19:41

Who is paying for it?

Both sides of the family have put money towards but we are also. At risk of being incredibly outing one of the Mums involved is an events planner so the whole thing is costing a lot less than it should. After the uproar we said we would hire a function room in the local rugby club and put on finger food and she said it would be embarrassing. That’s how this whole thing has spiralled into a hog on a bloody banquet table and decorations and speeches and dances.

So the function is much cheaper than expected but still a bill to pay.

OP posts:
StarlightLime · 03/04/2024 20:27

AGoingConcern · 03/04/2024 20:23

I think maybe you and the ridiculously overbearing mum should get to spend some quality time together debating proper wedding planning and leave OP in peace. You both seem to lack any interest in OP's wants and concerns.

Op is a grown adult. If she chooses to let other adults treat her like a not very bright child, that's on her.
Why can't she voice her own wants and concerns? Or maybe you could do it for her...

AGoingConcern · 03/04/2024 20:23

SloaneStreetVandal · 03/04/2024 20:21

Ay up, the OP's mammy has arrived...

I think maybe you and the ridiculously overbearing mum should get to spend some quality time together debating proper wedding planning and leave OP in peace. You both seem to lack any interest in OP's wants and concerns.

SloaneStreetVandal · 03/04/2024 20:21

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Ay up, the OP's mammy has arrived...

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 03/04/2024 20:17

Either way someone's going to be unhappy about what happens. Save yourself the faff and just do it all how you want to.

brocollilover · 03/04/2024 20:16

StarlightLime · 03/04/2024 20:12

It all sounds quite ridiculous.

it does doesn’t it!

from the mothers saying they’d never talk to them again if they didn’t have a party

to the op telling everyone that she was eloping

to the fact the op has no desire to do this at all

to the 10 hours of effort to cook hog roast (with more meat too) for 50 guests

Youdontknowmedoyou · 03/04/2024 20:15

Tell them all to stuff it. Pack a case in the car and elope tomorrow. Your life not theirs.
They're mothers, they'll get over it at some point.

AGoingConcern · 03/04/2024 20:14

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

StarlightLime · 03/04/2024 20:12

It all sounds quite ridiculous.

brocollilover · 03/04/2024 20:12

SloaneStreetVandal · 03/04/2024 20:08

A hog will serve 100 or so people, you'll have a heap of waste if you're having other meats too. It seems a lot of trouble for 50 people you don't actually want to feed! You could save yourself considerable hassle, and just ask your venue to do a bog standard cater for 50 guests?

this. a hog roast. for a party of 50.

and not just a hog roast. other meats as well.

For a party you don’t want. for guests that you don’t seem to like very much and they’re not too keen on you.

SloaneStreetVandal · 03/04/2024 20:08

Itsaweddingoneagain · 03/04/2024 20:00

It will be winter here and be served and carved as one of the main options to accompany a roast style dinner.

A hog will serve 100 or so people, you'll have a heap of waste if you're having other meats too. It seems a lot of trouble for 50 people you don't actually want to feed! You could save yourself considerable hassle, and just ask your venue to do a bog standard cater for 50 guests?

Cakeandcookies · 03/04/2024 20:08

I would put you are invited to our wedding blessing on... date. Arrival 5.30pm to be seated for dinner at 6pm. Then people know what they are doing. If you say reception people will think it's snack food and maybe a dance and will arrive anytime. Perhaps both your mums feel sad at the thought of not seeing you get married? At the same time I can see both sides. Either do something you do want to do or try and enjoy it the best you can. You get to get dressed up all over again :)

DonttouchthatLarry · 03/04/2024 20:07

Seeing as the whole idea of eloping is to avoid exactly this kind of party, if this is going ahead I'd just go the whole hog and get married in front of them all first.

We eloped with 2 witnesses - when we told my now SIL we'd got married she said 'oh, we'll all have to get together and have a party to celebrate'. Err, no, that was the point of us eloping as we didn't want the big party - but if you're having one it might as well be the actual wedding.

brocollilover · 03/04/2024 20:04

Itsaweddingoneagain · 03/04/2024 20:00

It will be winter here and be served and carved as one of the main options to accompany a roast style dinner.

presumably will be outside?

godmum56 · 03/04/2024 20:03

ZoeCM · 03/04/2024 19:16

Not something we really wanted to do but both of our Mothers have explicitly told us they will never speak to us again if we don’t do something over here

I'd take them up on that. Win-win.

ha ha yup!

Itsaweddingoneagain · 03/04/2024 20:00

SloaneStreetVandal · 03/04/2024 19:54

Hog is typically a very informal option - I've never experienced a hog roast in November (I'm assuming you're in the southern hemisphere) and I've never had roast/bbq served as part of a coursed/table service meal (if not queuing for a hot portion, it's on a hot buffet platter with baps, salad etc).

It will be winter here and be served and carved as one of the main options to accompany a roast style dinner.

OP posts:
IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 03/04/2024 19:59

Birch101 · 03/04/2024 16:23

Please arrive promptly for 6pm
Please note late arrivals may not receive dinner

I don't know why I found this so funny 😂

SloaneStreetVandal · 03/04/2024 19:54

Itsaweddingoneagain · 03/04/2024 19:36

The meal is three courses served by waiting staff.

Hog is typically a very informal option - I've never experienced a hog roast in November (I'm assuming you're in the southern hemisphere) and I've never had roast/bbq served as part of a coursed/table service meal (if not queuing for a hot portion, it's on a hot buffet platter with baps, salad etc).

Abeona · 03/04/2024 19:52

Programme for the evening

6pm Champagne served
6.15pm Bride and groom arrive
6.30pm Take your seat for dinner
7.30pm Speeches and toasts
8pm First dance followed by an evening of music and dancing

YaMuvva · 03/04/2024 19:45

Itsaweddingoneagain · 03/04/2024 16:32

Because one year MIL and two of his siblings came over on DPs birthday to drop his present off and on the kitchen counter there was an Aldi cupcake with a single candle in it. I’d brought it him in bed with coffee before he went to work that morning. We were the worst people in the world after that and how dare we have a birthday cake and not invite them over.

Initially we agreed to have a party and both of our parents (minus my Dad he is lovely) insisted on speeches and dances. Our siblings all think we are being unreasonable for causing upset as do a few other relatives who have undoubtedly heard our parents twisted versions of the story.

So if they miss it, it will be our fault. I don’t give a hoot who walks in when. I care about the backlash we will get if people think “oh evening reception, lovely I’ll turn up at 9” and then Mum or MIL will be mad Uncle Johnny missed the first dance.

FWIW we’ve decided we’ll have our first dance in Vegas, we just won’t tell anyone.

Honestly take it from someone who’s literally been in the same position - fuck it off and reap the consequences. They won’t be angry for long. It’s the lesser of two evils when you consider the stress and hassle this reception will cause.

YaMuvva · 03/04/2024 19:43

Itsaweddingoneagain · 03/04/2024 15:53

No. We booked the wedding last year for this October. We told our families ahead of time because we knew they would be unhappy but we really didn’t expect the level of pushback we’ve had. DP’s entire family ignored him all over Christmas and told him he’d broken his Mother’s heart. My Mum told me she didn’t realise she’d raised someone who was so selfish.

Flippin ‘eck. You should have said “I didn’t realise I was raised by someone so self centered”.

Frankly I’d be delighted if any of my kids eloped. I love a wedding but I more often than it think they’re more bother than they’re worth

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