Wedding reception invite wording

Why so uptight.if you didn't want a wedding party why are you worried sbout it not being perfect. Just go with the flow. It all sound very stressful to me.

If the mothers will be annoyed if people don't turn up in time due to the wording of the invitation, then get them to write the invitations, then they can't blame you? Given the way they've been id probably just delegate the whole thing to them. If they want a party/reception so badly, let them organise and pay for it!

As you’ve already told everyone, why don’t the demanding mothers just go out to Vegas with you, save you the bother of what you don’t want!
or just NC them all 🤷🏽‍♀️😆

What’s the point in going to vegas?

...and possibly tasered

@JRM17 as a former wedding planner you honestly would have suggested that on the invites to a relatively small party of 50 Please note arrival during speeches will be prohibited.

Dear OP
congratulations on your upcoming marriage. My commiserations on the hoops your respective families are having you jump through.
I have/ had a similarly challenging family dynamic to contend with when I got married. I tried so hard to accommodate everyone and the demands got worse and worse. The whole thing fell apart in ways too identifiable to spell out here and nothing we did was enough. Our family dynamics were ruined forever and our wedding was one of the most stressful things I’ve ever gone through.
I learned some valuable things about myself and who actually loved me. My husband and I got married and are still married, 18 years on.
My hard-earned advice? Do what you want because you cannot please unreasonable people and when you try to do so and it goes wrong anyway, you WILL regret having spent so much time, money and effort capitulating to people who would not have treated you like this and demanded if they loved you. You are trying to keep the peace with people who sooner or later are going to let you down badly. (And already are, actually.)
Your marriage, your decision how you celebrate it.
I wish you much happiness together.

As a former wedding planner i would advise you add a short timetable of events if you are that concerned about it. Dear GUEST. You are invited to THE LOCAL PUB to celebrate the regent marriage of JANE AND JON. Guest arrival 6pm / Bride and Groom arrival 6.30pm / Speeches 7pm / Food served 7.30pm / Carridges 11pm. Please note arrival during speeches will be prohibited. As this is not and actual wedding you are going to have to relax a bit tho as people are going to see it as a party.

But surely this masquerade explains why they aren't invited to the actual wedding?

I meant the wedding. Obviously this masquerade isn't the same.

Just to say - enjoy your wedding in Vegas! Glad you got the wording advice you were looking for. Ignore the few who don't get it!

It's not going to be the happiest day of their lives though, is it?

It's going to be a day they have to grin and bear because their respective families have deliberately undermined their desire to get married quietly and without drama, and emotionally blackmailed them into going ahead with something they didn't want and which is about literally everyone except them (but which they are nonetheless part funding) under threat of being excommunicated from the family.

That's not love, or respect. That's narcissism and bullying.

It's absolutely crystal clear to me why the OP and her fiancé wanted to elope in the first place. Because their families are like this.

I only wish they would establish better boundaries now and say, "No, we're not going ahead with this. You have a party if you like. We won't be attending."

I also think weddings are a family affair, the only reason your parents want to be involved is because they Love you! It's not selfish entitlement, they want to see you on the happiest day of your life. I think that's amazing and something some people would wish for, don't take their love for granted because one day they won't be here for you to share special moments with!

”please come celebrate our Marriage
doors open at 5:30 for a 6pm start.
please indicate your preference of chicken or the vegan option below
thanks so much”

For someone who isn't bothered about the wedding party you seem VERY bothered to me. I'd just chill out, say arrive by 6 and if they're late then they're late. You wouldn't want someone rushing and having an accident.

no chance

i predict dozens of mumsnet threads once / if (hopefully not) the op has children and introduces the poor kids to this shit show of a family. On both does no less

Putting an itinerary is a good idea, but you should know that people WILL be late, whatever you write. You just have yo shrug your shoulders and deal with it. The only reason most people aren’t late for a wedding reception is that they are already there! Why do you care anyway?

Continue to call it a party, be open about the fact you’ll already be married. Stop talking to family about any more of the arrangements from now. Put up with what you can and get through the day.

If your family moan/ complain/ criticise just say you’re sorry they didn’t enjoy it, you were always not sure it was the best idea and move on. They’ll have forgotten about it once the next family issue comes along and if they haven’t then it’s their problem.

You and your husband to be need to grow back bones sharpish. No way would I allow myself to be dictated to like that. Both families sound toxic and not something anyone would choose to be a part of.

Explicit on invite: 5.30 for 6pm. Everyone knows what that means. If they're late they won't get fed usually.

My husband and I eloped to Devon about 6 weeks ago - didn't tell anyone at all - came home, announced it on Facebook and that was it.

The most perfect wedding - about the 2 of us and the commitment we made to one another 🥰

OP I'd stand your ground and cancel the reception.

Your respective mothers sound terrifying. Perhaps they should issue the invites, agree the wording on how people should promptly arrive etc. 😉 Granted there’s a strong possibility you’ll turn up to find you’re having a church blessing and 200 have been invited but feck it, you’re having the wedding you want up to and including a cake, a first dance and no family in Vegas. How much do you care if the MILS run riot with their own chequebooks?

Or I would simply say “champagne/cocktail reception at 5, dinner served promptly at 6. Cash bar. Carriages at x” That will prompt some focus…

I'm astonished that you have allowed yourselves to be railroaded into having a reception that you don't want 😳 frankly, I'd be telling both mothers that if they choose to never speak to you again over your choice of wedding, that's up to them! As to people arriving late, I wouldn't worry too much. Most people will arrive on time and will be there for your big entrance! If there's a few latecomers, I wouldn't stress about.

Why don't you arrange the wedding you DO want, and not tell anyone if that spares you fallout? You're adults, you can elope if you like. Just saying "Well I won't get married at all then" is just daft, sorry. You can do it and not tell her. Why wouldn't you?

FWIW my MIL criticised the wedding DH and I wanted, she even rang my mum to complain that we weren't planning it how she expected. My mum pointed out that they'd [both mums] had their weddings how they wanted and now it was our turn to arrange ours as we wanted. MIL stopped threatening to not go and instead bought an outfit and hat.

(Same for OP really, just do what you want, you'll regret it forever if you don't. If I had families like OP's and her DP's, I'd invite OP's dad and a dependable person from DP's side as witnesses and just bog off to Gretna Green or the like. Sod them!)

I would want to be at my own child's wedding because I love them and would want to be there for their big life milestones. It would make me feel sad if they chose to do that without me present.

But assuming that it was because they had chosen to get married without anybody present, rather than that they had had a wedding with guests but simply chosen not to invite me for some reason, I cannot imagine being willing to cut my own nose off to spite my face by stopping contact with my own child. If you love your child and treasure your relationship with them, why would you cut contact with them, or deliberately hurt them by threatening to cut contact with them? It just does not compute for me at all.

In addition to all this, the OP and her fiancé have nine siblings between them, most of whom appear happy to act as their parents' flying monkeys in this affair. So it's not even as if, by eloping, the OP and her fiancé are depriving their poor mothers of their one and only opportunity to don an enormous hat and strut about in front of their friends and family. Because there will be other weddings.

Well god help you when you have children.

If you're old enough to get married you're old enough to ignore this nonsense.

And if they're prepared to cut you off over it, they'll come crawling back for the DGC.
Or they're not worth it anyway