10 year old alone after school?

Yes 10 is too young! After school club?

Don't be ridiculous of course it's fine.

My now 15 yo was ok when she was 11, which she turned just after starting yr 6. She and some friends used to walk home together (all autumn born).

My youngest is 10 and there’s no way I could leave him. I can’t even leave him alone to pop to the shops - mainly because he wouldn’t feel safe but still. He can stay with the 15 yo obviously.

Is there no other after school provision in your village at all?

I'm a teacher. Many children in Y6 make their own way home and are unsupervised for a few hours before parents arrive home. They all seem to have a structured plan - get changed, snack, homework, tv for example - and emergency numbers to call.

You could reduce the number of days it is necessary by booking them into some clubs or activities after school on some of the days.

I wouldn't think it was appropriate if they were supervising younger siblings, using appliances such as the oven, or didn't know what to do in an emergency. But a sensible 10/11 year old should be fine. Regardless of what some think, many families do it out of necessity.

Missing the point but where the hell do you live that a childminder can charge £16 an hour? That’s extortionate 😲

In your opinion. A lot of 10 year olds would be fine for a couple of hours.

neglect is starving them. Not letting them become independent is over parenting. Think ginger bread house…

I'm a child's social worker (safeguarding), I can say, this is not necessarily neglect. Whilst 10 is quite young, there is no legal age limit. If child is sensible, knows what to do in a emergency then it's your choice. However, if something was to happen at home, it could be deemed as neglectful. It is a really tricky one, and having an 11 year old, I often toy with the same thought. There is no perfect answer, I do leave my 11 year old up to an hour, on occasion, but I do worry.

can he go to friends after school?

When my dd was a similar age she used to go to our small local library until I could pick her up.

My DD now 12 has let herself in from the summer term of yr5. She's always been very independent and school was only a 2 minute walk away. I made sure I had my phone with me in case too. There's not a huge difference between 10 and 11 and as soon as she got to secondary, she had to make her own way home on 2 buses. I think it depends on each child and you know your own child.

I have twins who are ten in two weeks. They have been walking home (20 min walk) since October. They had the choice of asc, walking five mins to my work and waiting for me or walking home and up to an hour on their own. They chose the latter. They love the independence, friends and colleagues often say they see them walking and they’re very sensible about road crossing etc. They have phones and they walk some of the way with other friends in Y5. It’s totally fine. All these pearl clutchers help explain why so many of the secondary school kids I teach have zero independence and expect the teacher to do everything for them!

So both my children are August born and turned 11 a couple of weeks before starting high school. But in reality only a couple of weeks younger than the OP’s child would be in y6. As I work part time they’ve had to adjust to walking to and from school themselves and being left in the house from about 7:15am until they leave for school and then again from after school until 5/5:30is when I get home from work. We did lots of practice at walking to and from school during the summer term of y6 when they were 10. And I started leaving them on the house alone for short periods of time whilst I went to the shops. BTW there’s 3 years between them both so I had to do this separately each time and do make sure they practised being home alone. More recently the 11 year old has had to go home from school and sort herself out til 7:30/8pm as I’ve gone straight from work to watch the eldest take part in an after school event. I just checked in with youngest by text now and again and she was fine.

Edited to add that our primary school changed their after school wrap around booking policy when my youngest was in y6. It used to be good for some parents who got their work shifts late or who were unexpectedly going to be occasionally late and they could ring up on the day and ask for them to be added to the after school list. You also could pick up anytime up until closing which was good for flexible finishes and getting stuck in traffic. But it changed to having to pre book and pay the week before. And stipulating what time you would collect to be charged accordingly. I had a couple of friends who this didn’t work for so they had to then just give their y6 10 year olds a key to let themselves in at home after school. Usually only for an hour or so.

I think 10 is too young to be alone for several hours a day, even if they are sensible. It's too young to be sure of their decision making in an emergency, and too young to expect that level of independence.

We used a childminder. I would say that paying for childcare is essential, not optional.

Only you know how capable your child is. How well do you know your neighbours? Can they be on standby in case of emergency? Alternatively do you know any trustworthy teenagers who could babysit for a couple of hours? Much cheaper than childminder and likely to appreciate the pocket money. I found a young mum in our village who babysat for me in similar situation. Brought her toddler with her and was glad of the cash.

I think it depends on the child , the area you live in - how close to school etc .

I live far from my sons school as we never moved him when we move so he would have to get buses home , so no way for me ( my sons also 10, in y5 ) but I’m very lucky in the fact i have his nan who does drop offs and pickups for me and keeps him until I finish. I get home about 5 and he would get back here about 345/4 if Nan dropped him straight back and we have toyed with the idea of him being dropped home ( I do have a 17 year old who would be here from 430/445 ) but decided to leave it until he’s in y6 . Then see how we feel .

A lot of children in my son’s class walk home alone . I don’t know how I would feel about that as my son has never been out anywhere alone , not even the local shop .

I would say closer to 11 would be better but some children are more capable than others .

Realisticly - I think for most at that age , safety in the house isn’t an issue . I know my son would just be sat in his room on his game , just like he would be if I was there . He wouldn’t answer the door or anything . But , it’s things you don’t think of . I left 2 of my children in the house while we went to Tesco a 5 min drive away ( my 15 yr old and 10 yr old ) we’ve done it before and they have been fine , but we had a power cut and the alarm started going off and they both freaked out ! Called us crying and my husband had to drive back , leave me shopping , to sort it . Very unlikely thing to happen but something that could happen , just one of those things you don’t think of .

Also when i first started letting my older one come in alone from school ( she’s autistic but capable of that I was only getting home 20 min after her and had her dad around the corner , contactable by phone , neighbours who I knew well ) but one day her key just wouldn’t work in the door and she panicked and was calling me repeatedly, upset . So I did have to then change it to her getting dropped home to her dads and collecting her .

Is there anyone who could walk her home and help her get in ? Is there a neighbour who would be willing to just be there if something happened - that he could knock on to if worried about something ? Are you local to home and contactable - so that you could be on the phone to him if needed ? Could you get a ring camera so you can see and speak to him if there was a problem ? Could you get cameras in the home ?

It just all depends . I don’t think you are unreasonable for thinking about it - for some it would be totally unsafe , for others not .

For me , as it’s not a massive amount of time at home , it would be the concern of getting home from school rather than the concern of him being in the house alone for an hour or so x

When my daughter starts high school in a few years I expect she will be letting herself in and being home alone for an hour or so till OH and I get home from work, on the days I’m not WFH. This is due to lack of childcare for high school kids, and I’m guessing that’s pretty standard? Especially if no local family support. However we are in Scotland where I think kids start school a bit older than in England. She’ll be 11 but nearly 12.
I do think your lo sounds a little young at just 10/11 but so much depends on the maturity of the child. Do they have a friends house they can go to? Neighbour? At the end of the day if it’s what you have to do then all you can do is make it as safe as possible- eg make sure they can safely use the key, don’t be going out or having anyone in till you get home, emergency number, no cooking other than toaster till you get home (this of course depends on what stage they are at with this)

If he can no longer go to the club and you are saying childminders are not an option you don’t really have much choice. He’ll have to come home.
lots of children at the school I work in walk home alone from year 5.
if he is sensible this should be ok. You could look at the option of him walking home with a friend and then coming home a bit later so he’s on his own less?
or could you change your work hours to start and finish slightly earlier? Could you ask to work from home for the last 2 hours of the day?
is there a nice teenager up the road who could “babysit” him after school for pocket money?

In a years time nearly everyone will be doing this. It is extremely difficult to find childcare for children at 12 even if you want it.
OP you know your child best and how sensible they are. For a sensible child it is fine. The most likely issues will be they lose their key, so have a back up plan. Also tell them not to tell everyone at school they will be alone in the house - your DC does not want kids who are troublemakers knocking on the door. And tell them not to cook until you are home. But there really should not be any issue with this.

I think it's fine. It's very easy for people who are often in privileged situations (with family, money or friends to support) to be judgemental. To call it 'neglect' is wild. Do what you think is best for your child.

Look, in a years time he will be at high school. Walking there alone or getting a bus probably. I think this is an appropriate level of responsibility for his age. I would have some sort of tracking device on his phone so you can check where he is. And obviously be available if an emergency should arise. But there's not a lot of sense in shielding him from the world then expecting him to go out into it alone when high school comes around. Small steps towards independence.

Yep I think so too. Though goodness knows there is a vast gulf between “ideal parenting” & neglect and I don’t think it would be reasonable to suggest the only alternative to ideal is setting a very low bar 🙄. I really hope a small number of really unpleasant posters are not going to make the OP feel like she’s a crap parent in some way for considering this as an option to manage next year.

@neverbeenskiing was responding specifically to the "neglect" accusations from what I can see. Words like that are very emotive.

Seriously don’t put too much weight on people who are name calling. I find that people who are genuinely comfortable with their own parenting decisions are able to be fairly objective about other parents doing things differently. People who are a bit insecure feel the need to insult and deride anyone doing something different. It’s unpleasant of them but it’s not worth being upset by. If they genuinely had any concern about your child as opposed to just wanting to make themselves feel good by bashing someone else their approach would be totally different.

I wouldn't do this but I think it's just on the cusp of being acceptable. Two hours isn't particularly long. My main concern would be the walk home...how long is it? Then when they get home, what if they lose their door key? Will they remember to close the front door properly when they do get in?