10 year old alone after school?

Of course risks vary from place to place, and the suggestion that you should parent according to a worst-case scenarioregardless of whether that reflects the reality of your actual circumstances is, to put it bluntly, batshit.

This. I have argued about this with SIL in the past. We live in a relatively safe part of Surrey. It's the sort of area that's a mix of people rather than expensive landed gentry in massive houses. The local high school is fairly diverse and very large, but as the "roughest" school in the area is still, by most standards, an excellent school with well behaved children (I should know - I've lived across the road from it for nearly 15 years and DS goes there).

But she acts like we live in some ghetto. Has the sort of alarm system Donald Trump would use. Melts down if I don't get as upset as her if she hears about some potential paedophile - usually from a facebook post where a single man walked past the playground... that's en route to the train station! And was very judgemental when we started letting DS start taking short walks to the shop/park/friends when he was 9 or 10.

I find it so bizarre. I don't understand how she lives with that level of stress . It must be exhausting for her.

I would suggest development and capability of children is similar whether they live in Sweden or Bognor Regis. As is the risk regarding paedophiles and traffic risks.

Well, it is obviously not the case that the risks from paedophiles or traffic are the same everywhere - letting a child cross a green lane in rural Scotland is not the same as letting her cross a busy A road in the South East, is it? Of course risks vary from place to place, and the suggestion that you should parent according to a worst-case scenario regardless of whether that reflects the reality of your actual circumstances is, to put it bluntly, batshit.

Equally, the potential development and capability of children is universal, but actual development only occurs if it is allowed and encouraged by the world in which the children exist. If you prevent your child encountering places where they learn skills, they don't learn them. This is precisely how we end up with kids going off to uni utterly helpless (or parents being jumpy because they haven't heard from their 24yr-old in the last three hours) - because parents shield them from everything, even the things that it's clear that children in other environments and cultures can cope with just fine.

As for what @Natsku says - it is not "OK because it's Sweden", for heaven's sake, it's OK because it has better outcomes for kids' long-term health and happiness. If we can see it working perfectly well somewhere else, that - at the very least - blows a hole in the argument that it is simply cruel or neglectful or misguided, regardless of the context.

This is insane. Of course it’s not neglect.
much closer to neglect to have not taught your kids basic safety, risk assessment and independence skills by this age.

There are risks in everything, including keeping your children supervised at all times (those risks being longer term, which makes it harder for some people to spot)
My child at 8 could certainly handle going to the park alone, going to and from school alone, letting herself in and getting a snack and doing her homework alone (alas she didn't put the washing on then, but she does now at 13), as could her classmates.

'Can't handle what Swedish kids do' .

If Swedish parents are so lax that they seriously think their 8 yr olds are self sufficient enough to pop to the park alone, to get themselves to and from school, to let themselves in and what, maybe pop the washing on and prepare dinner (who knows what) fine, their choice. But please do not suggest it is ok because it's Sweden! as if it's some utopia free of risks.

You didn't answer the question though. Are British children growing up with better outcomes by curtailing their independence? I'd argue no.
I do agree that development and capability of children are similar whether in the UK or Sweden, so it's amazing how British children supposedly can't handle what Swedish children do.

'Why do you think your way is superior to the way many countries approach children's independent abilities? Are British children growing up safer, more secure, more capable and with better outcomes than children in Sweden for example?'

I would suggest development and capability of children is similar whether they live in Sweden or Bognor Regis. As is the risk regarding paedophiles and traffic risks.

If I was the op I'd let a 10 nearly 11year old walk home and be unsupervised but the pp allowing their 8 year old do so even popping to the park on route? Nope.

Haven't rtft but I'm quite shocked by some of the responses on here. There are long-term effects and risks associated with not allowing your children any independence, and letting kids look after themselves when they're ready to do so is a crucial part of parenting - otherwise you are not only telling them that the world is too scary for them to navigate, you're depriving them of the experience of doing it in a gradual and carefully managed way, and thus rendering them less capable and less prepared for the moments later on when you're not there to hover over them. I'm currently reading The Anxious Generation and it's pretty chilling.

Neglect is when you leave a child in actual danger of actual harm.

At 10 my youngest DD came home from school, changed and walked round the corner to dance lesson. Like you, rural with no childcare options.
Depends on the kid but seems fine to me

Ideas:
Can your kid get a school bus to your workplace rather than the house?

Or can you get wfh arrangements with your job so you do the last part of the day at home?

Ask the school/or other parents if they know of any solutions/ other parents in same boat and you could work it out as a group.

Can your kid go to a public place with supervising adults such as a swimming pool for that time rather than home?
(this may be a good/bad idea. Cant exactly think of what, but maybe there are after school activities like running hockey music scouts /guides ect)

I completely agree with @Natsku . I find it fascinating that an entire country's process can be dismissed so easily.

I mean, sure, if you aren't comfortable with that, go ahead. But I'd think that actually, there might be some useful lessons to learn from other places.

I really am starting to worry a lot about children in this country.

Why do you think your way is superior to the way many countries approach children's independent abilities? Are British children growing up safer, more secure, more capable and with better outcomes than children in Sweden for example?

I think it depends on the individual child.
How independent they are, how responsible they are. In some ways children in the UK these days seems to be given less responsibility or rather have too much done for them from a young age with a helicopter parent there to step in and prevent issues from arising. (I put my hands up as I have been guilty of this but am trying to change!)

In the 90s, as a 9 year old I had my own key, let myself in and was alone for about 1 hour 15 minutes everyday after school. Nothing happened thankfully.
Would I do that for my kids now, aged 9? No. But my parents had no choice and I was a sensible kid. I had neighbours we were friendly with. I just sat and watched telly, ate some snacks, enjoyed the peace :)
A few years ago my niece, aged 10 had to go the local library after school until parents picked her up, is that an option for you?

You know your child best OP.
If they had someone to walk back with that would be better. But like other poster have said, try building up the independence.

In the part of Germany my friend lives in, this would be the norm for 10 year olds.

So just because other people do it, it's ok? Are you incapable of thinking for yourself?!

8 year olds should not be walking home alone, popping to the park with their pals then letting themselves in and entertaining themselves until you show up. Who cares if this is the done thing where you live. Do better and look after your poor kid.

If your child is comfortable, and you have done a proper risk assessment, and been clear about what they can and can’t do in particular situations, and you are confident in your child’s ability and happiness, then you have probably met the minimum requirements for leaving them alone. I’d be trialling this for periods at weekends first.

Can they phone you and guarantee an answer if they need to?

can't just cut my hours short leaving a vulnerable adult alone because it suits me

But your vulnerable child, who is dependent on you, can be left? Think this through. You're going to look so bad on the news reports and true crime podcasts if anything goes wrong. Which, of course, we pray won't happen. But rather than relying on the prayers of strangers, you need to make proper arrangements for your child.

You say you're in a village. Everyone will know there's a ten year old alone every afternoon. People with ill-intent (other children, teenagers, adults) will know where to find him/her.

You and your childs' other parent have a responsibility for the welfare of your child, a 10 year old is too young to be left alone at home for 2 hours, Either one or both of you should request flexible working to ensure your childs' safety or pay for afterschool care. I know that this can be expensive, however it is is only for a short time, your childs' welfare and safety must be your number 1 priority. A healthy child is irreplaceable, money isn't.

I think having some local teens round would be worse than no supervision going by the behaviour in local high school. My eldest goes there and some friends are teachers and some of the stories are shocking.

Not saying all teenagers are awful but I think you want to be careful who you invite into your home to be alone with your child.

I was 9 and I’d walk my 5 year old brother home from school at 3pm and we’d stay at home ourselves watching tv until my mum got home from work/uni at around 6.

I’m not sure I’d advocate for 9yr olds but by almost 11 then yes.

What about getting a local teen to come round and hang out with your DC?

So the child is not 'very young', whatever this means, under six since toddlers are already mentioned? So the child can be left alone.

Overnight is mentioned so 'a long period of time' must mean waking hours.

I, therefore, wouldn't call, say, an hour before school or a couple of hours after school a long period of time. Which is what is being spoken about in relation to primary aged children.

You’ll get a lot of folks telling you that you can’t do it but I think its fine. I was doing at it that age and my Mum didn’t get home until 6. My son was getting himself home and letting himself in at that age too. He finished around 3.20, would get home around 3.45 and would let himself in. I get home around 5 give or take 20 mins depending on what time I get out. He had / has a phone so if there were any issues he could call and I could check he’s ok. Covid hit just before he turned 11 and he was home alone most of the day everyday because there was no school or childcare and I still had to work, he’s still alive!

If you don’t think she’s sensible enough then an alternative after school club or childminder would be the way forward. Most childcare places stop once they go to high school at 11 anyway.

Gov.uk states this ⬇️

The £16/hr cost of the childminder is extortionate to me! We pay £7.50 SE. I totally get why you can’t pay that, op. A teen babysitter might be a good option or if you think your child is mature enough, they can be left for a few hours. Is it only once or twice per week etc? Legally, it is down to parents’ judgement about their child’s level of maturity and readiness. Does the child have somewhere to go (like a trusted neighbour) if something goes wrong? Would they cope if there was a fire etc etc?? .

Personally, I would try to avoid it if possible of course but I had to be home alone but from age 13 every evening from 5.30 to 7.30 as my father died and my mum had to work in evening (cleaning job) so it is not always easy or an ideal world. Your DC’s father should be contributing to their upbringing of course but unfortunately life doesn’t always work out like that. Xx