10 year old alone after school?

Oh god, the hysteria on this thread.

Personally, I think it's fine in theory. My 10/11 year old in year 6 would have been totally fine with this. BUT.. for him, I think every day would have been a bit much. So I'd probalby have looked for an after school activity he could take himself to once or twice a week (or tag along with a friend).

However DD is much better at being alone so I can imagine she'd be fine with this when she reaches 10/11.

You might want to do some building up ahead of this starting so it's not a complete shock to the system. Also, this is where mobile phones/alexas etc are so helpful. DS had to text me when he left somewhere and if he had been coming home alone I'd have made him text me when he got here. I also often dropped in using Alexa. We also did role play of what to do in certain situations.

I understand that @Simonjt is in a different country but frankly, I realyl wish the UK could be a bit more European in its approach. This ridiculous paranoia around children is bizarre. My SIL, on moving to a new country, was taken aside by the teacher when DN was 6 to say it was time she left him to walk alone!

At that age I had a local teen go home with my two. She did homework herself just on sight. She was 14. Is this an option?

I'm going to say 11 years old in September is old enough to be left alone for this period of time.

Best wishes , op

Are there local clubs you can put them in: brownies, drama etc? Taxis or lift share with other parents?

It's not the going home alone that would worry me - presumably parents assess the risk regarding distance, route, personality etc.

Young children really don't like letting themselves into an empty house and then fending for themselves for a couple of hours - it's lonely, particularly if they have to do it every day, not just the occasional one-off.

So I would say yes under some circumstances. Is there a phone, a trustworthy neighbor, and a great grasp on saftey and emergency procedures. I would see if she has a feeind she can visit after school and make an agreement w the parents. Thats what my mom did

Where I live (uk semi rural) children walk to and from school from year 4. I'd say a good proportion of children from year 5 onwards go home to an empty house for an hour or two. It is not illegal.

Up to two hours was considered acceptable where we were for 8 or 9 year old children. So the occasional extra half an hour was generally considered too long, yes. However, he knew multiple neighbours well if needed, he was happy with the set up, and it was the best choice for our family.

That is absolutely not ok by any means!

I was raised by a (fabulous) single mother. She moved into a better paid role that required her to work lates (3-11), often an hour away from home. I was 11 at the time and would let myself in, help myself to some food that had been prepared in the slow cooker and took the dog for a walk before taking myself off for a bath and bed.

I was mature enough to do this and completely understand why this happened so hold no resentment/judgement over it! If you feel your DC is also mature enough for this, I'd see no problem. Depends on the child - provably worth mentioning my DM did check how I felt about it prior to accepting the role and was very clear on what it meant etc.

@Intriguedbythis @titchy It depends very much on the child.

My ds was a calm, confident sensible child who was completely unconcerned. He would ring me and chat if he had a question. He'd watch tv or play minecraft or get on with his homework.

Does your DC know your neighbours or local friends and family who would be home during those hours? And do you have good relationships with them? Is DC comfortable (and sensible) crossing roads and making their way home from school? Are they sensible left in the house on their own and happy with that? Do you trust them not to abuse the freedom to go off and do things you wouldn’t allow?

10 years old is not inherently too young to get home from school and entertain themselves for a few hours, but it will depend on your individual child and what sort of network you have in the vicinity.

Latchkey kids (as we used to be known) at that age were pretty common until the mid-late 90s. And the vast majority survived just fine and developed mental resilience and good life skills from the freedom of those few hours. People growing up in neighbourhoods where they knew most people, lots of people had kids and there were throng relationships between people meant there was someone to turn to in an extreme situation even if a parent wasn’t home (and the knowledge that whatever you did might get back to a parent was a bit of a brake on any madcap scheming). But because it was the done thing, too many kids who weren’t ready for it were also left in that situation. And there are some definite issues for some kids, the potential for loneliness, mischief and accidents.

You need to judge whether your child is likely to benefit from the time alone or not. If your DC is particularly impulsive, easily lead, anxious, or liable to poor judgement there’s the opportunity for things to go quite wrong.

We were never comfortable with leaving ds home alone after school. Kids and other adults, including ones you don't know, will soon find out they are home alone every day and it makes them vulnerable to mischief or worse.

For me it is too high a risk and you need to find another solution.

Is the nursery refusing to take him now he is older, or can he go but he complaining he doesn't want to go/no-one else goes/he is not a baby? If the latter and you cannot find another solution he needs to suck it up until you find another solution.

Adjust working hours, childminder, other parents, family, afterschool etc. You won't be the only parent in school that has the same problem.

We handled it by adjusting work hours, me working very early to be back on time and dh starting very late and also weekends to catch up.

Its really not, not if the child has been raised to be confident in themselves and sensible. After school care doesn't exist for 9 year olds and older where I am, so every single one of them if they don't have a parent at home or local grandparents, will be on their own for anything from a couple of hours to the whole afternoon (on days school finishes at 12), and they manage.

My ds' afterschool club ceased to run on Fridays when he was in year 6 (not helpful), so I agreed with my boss to have a late lunch, collect ds at 3, take him home, settle him with snack, drink, tv, phone, and then go back to work between 3.45 and 5.30.

DS was relaxed about it. He knew he could ring me if there was a problem. He knew not to answer the door to strangers and he knew which neighbour to go to in an emergency.

That worked as a stop gap for a year.

That is so unacceptable at that age. 2.5 hours alone for a 9 year old is neglectful and adultifying a child..

I think way too young. Shocked at the other poster above who leaves a 9 year old alone, wtf

someone could ‘befriend’ them, or they could access inappropriate things alone when bored - like chat rooms that get through the filter.

also, it’s just too much to expect from a tired CHILD after school. Too much responsibility young. Most kids are tired and starving at that time. Not so bad in summer but awful on a stormy, rainy winter y evening.

I think way too young. Shocked at the other poster above who leaves a 9 year old alone, wtf

someone could ‘befriend’ them, or they could access inappropriate things alone when bored - like chat rooms that get through the filter.

also, it’s just too much to expect from a tired CHILD after school. Too much responsibility young. Most kids are tired and starving at that time. Not so bad in summer but awful on a stormy, rainy winter y evening.

Our's was a top window and if you banged the frame the latch would jump up, I was small enough to climb in and open the bigger window for my DB to get in, I think we were meant to stay in the garden or go to a neighbour who we didn't like (nasty person really). Headfirst through a window was probably not a good idea but I was small and agile at the time and we never told how we got in!

No it is not neglect! Many children of this age are quite capable of managing for a couple of hours. Many children have to! It depends on the child and what options are available in an emergency.

I did the same with my child from 9, but usually no longer than two hours until 10. Occasionally it was, he'd get home on the bus at 3:45 and I was home 30 minutes later from one job, up to two and a half hours from the other.

Ah that brings back memories of "breaking into" my house. On Sundays after church I'd always want to go home and change out of the skirt my mum made me wear, so I'd go to the back door, stick my hand in through the letterbox and reach the key, pull it out and unlock the door. I had to do this because at first mum would give me the keys but I locked the keys inside the house too many times for her to trust me with them again

It isn't neglect. It depends on the child , if they are happy with the situation then fine.

10 does seem young but if schools are ok with this age group walking home alone (surely more of a risk, unless you have a child who'd experiment with forks in the toaster), then I think it's fine. My biggest concern (with a sensible child), would be loneliness. Is there anyone they can FaceTime when they get in? Just to have in the background, a grandparent or someone not working?

As children me and my DB were home before my DM or DF (depending which was home first) quite often. We actually 'broke into' the house sometimes, there was a dodgy window and we didn't have a door key, we were fine. Both at junior school at the time. We had to catch a bus and walk a quiet lane to get home too.