10 year old alone after school?

This was completely normal in the uk also until very recently. I started going to school on my own in primary school and took my younger siblings when they reached school age. We had a crossing person for the big road and didn’t play daft. By eleven I was crossing that road my self and catching the school bus to my secondary school 5 miles away. How else do ordinary families cope.

@TheTimeIsNowMaybeNow

I apologise. I read your comment incorrectly. I am sorry for my comment

And I don’t care what you think!
You don’t know anything about me and mine. The op decided to create this post.

My friends teen daughter gets paid to sit with a girl yor dds age op. She makes her a snack, checks for homework and otherwise just studies there while the girl plays, watches a bit of tv etc. Is this a possibility?

@Jacesmum1977 I'm so sorry about what's happened to your son.

Your post really resonated as I'm constantly amazed by parents I know who don't ever leave their 10 year olds at home for even 10 minutes to get a pint of milk but allow them unfettered access online via phones and tech. Our 10 year old still doesn't have a phone and I monitor her online activity like a hawk but am happy to let her walk half a mile home from school and be at home on her own for an hour after school watching telly, making herself a cup of tea and doing her homework!

Ops child will be 11 in a few months which is when he'll be too old to for the childcare he is going to now

I'm not sure anyone cares what your child's dad thinks but presumably he pays towards childcare costs and has your dc after school if needed, unlike the op who it seems would have to sort out after school on herself

I'm sorry to hear this, the online world can be a very dangerous place, I hope your son is OK. Completely understand how that would make you feel much more worried about security now.

In my country the guidelines are from 7, with advice on how to prepare your child to be home alone and prepare them for travelling to and from school alone at that age. DD's social worker was fine with it from 6, because she knew DD and she knew the situation. What's needed here is more guidelines on the internet and social media, so many of DD's friends had all kinds of social media from 7 or 8 years old, I dread to think about the grooming potential for them.

I’m never embarrassed to admit if I get it wrong 🙌🏻 And in your case, I was.

I had no idea you’re not in the UK (I haven’t read much thread if I’m honest). Where do you live?

I say thanks with a lump of vomit in my throat. I don’t really know what else to say

@Jacesmum1977

Thanks for understanding. Guidelines did make things much easier. It was a minimum, many parents would have waited a couple of years but it was the best decision for our family. In the UK, I would have been afraid to leave him before 10, not because it was unsafe or because he wasn't capable but out of fear of someone reporting.

I'm sorry for what happened to your son. I understand that can absolutely affect what you are comfortable with!

Social services guidelines where we were living when DS was that age considered it appropriate.

In that case I’ll say fair enough because I haven’t been in that position with anyone to tell me this.
Personally, I’d still rather not leave my kids alone at home but I’ll not be so quick to judge moving forward.

I don’t usually tell mums they’re wrong in what they do but I discovered last week that my sons been groomed online. So I’m probably a bit more heightened on security right now.

Take care

@Kalevala 8 or 9??? lol bloody hell luv

Yes, most children will be capable at that age. Unless the environment is unsafe like I said. Social services guidelines where we were living when DS was that age considered it appropriate.

@Kalevala 8 or 9??? lol bloody hell luv 🤦🏻‍♀️ And I have no problem with people having different opinions to me. Sometimes it makes the eyes open a bit wider but I’m not going to be quiet just because I don’t fit in with everyone else’s narrative. Even if a teacher or whoever else says it’s ok, I’d still rather my opinion. I have my own opinion on this as do everyone else.

@SavBlancTonight

Yes horses for courses.
You can all do what you think is ok, as can I. But if I think my way is better then of course I’m going to say yes! Because it’s my opinion. They’re like arseholes. We all have one.

The issue here is that for some reason, I’m not allowed to share my opinion because it’s different to everyone else and because I called out on it.

Btw, I love MN. I usually come for the comments but seeing this subject come up again I had to pop a spoon in the pot

So not "horses for courses" or agree to disagree sy all. Your way is the only way.

I agree with a pp though. It's a form.of neglect not to encourage independence

So clearly, you are not happy for others to disagree with you if you'd waste resources by reporting other parents. What about just a year older in secondary school when many children are home alone after school five days a week as there is no wrap around?

My opinion is that up to a couple of hours for an 8 or 9 year old child is fine if the child is in a safe environment and is capable of remaining so.

I’m entitled to my opinion thanks, just like everyone else has.
Not sorry that I don’t want to leave my 10yr old on his own at home. And funnily enough, his dad thinks the same. Horses for courses.
If I knew that someone was regularly leaving a juvenile alone, that young, I’d report them.

Everyone has had their opinion and this is mine.
They’re 10! They are still a proper child. They’re not even in secondary school 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’m all for encouraging development but 10 is not a safe age to be home alone.

If you don’t agree, that’s fine I’m happy for you to disagree. You do you. I’ll do me.

There are many types of neglect. Many people would consider a failure to facilitate the development of age appropriate independence as a form of neglect.

Most people on the thread including the trained school support specialist don't think it's neglectful so it clearly isn't that simple.

Just because you would not yourself choose to do something doesn't mean it's bad.

I really don’t understand how people are not bothered about a child being on their own for any length of time.
Imo 10 is too young to be left alone for any amount of time. I couldn’t imagine leaving my kids on their own. It’s called neglect!

@whatkatydid2014 I agree that children should be taught these things before being left in a room alone. Breakages are pretty common after all.
And that children are often more capable than we think. Your daughter did really well to mend her bear.

@stayathomer But your son did deal with it appropriately. He hid. It is probably what I would do if someone known locally as dodgy knocked on the door. I would not answer.
All children once they are old enough to be taught should know what to do if a smoke or fire alarm go off. Even if you are in the house you may be trapped by a fire or overcome with smoke. You should never work on the assumption that an adult will be able to help them. So basically get out, and knock on neighbours or ring 999.
I am not sure what an adult could do about a bit scary rottweiler except ring the police. All you can do is stay in the house and ring someone for advice or help. I understand it is scary for a child, but what he did would not be any different if you were home.

Kids are often a lot more competent than you realise. 7 year old came to see me the other night and showed me how she’d repaired the hole in her teddy. We’ve had a bit of a go at sewing fun stuff together and she’s watched me repair things but I wouldn’t have realised she knew how to do that. She definitely can deal with breakages as we’ve practiced (shoes on, sweep into pile, no walking in room without shoes or sitting/kneeling on floor till mum or dad have checked and disposed of glass). I feel like that’s the kind of thing they need to have an idea about to be left alone in a room as otherwise what if their first reaction is to pick the bits up and they cut themselves. I guess we all
worry about things in different ways but to me stuff like knowing you can’t use the kettle/stove/sharp knives unsupervised and you know how to deal with spills/things breaking and you have some sense of risk awareness is all needed before kids are allowed to stay in a room alone while you are elsewhere in the house.

@stayathomer i think that having access to mobile phones, alexa etc is one of those things that makes this stuff easier. DS one got a fright because I'd ordered Amazon groceries but was running late or forgot or something and because it had alcohol in it, the driver banged the doo r a few times. At the time, DS was told not to answer the door if we weren't there as it was when he first started staying alone for an hour or so. ANyway, he was totally panicked and rang me in a state. Amusingly, the driver was ringing me at the same time. So I landed up talking to both of them. Sadly, driver couldn't leave my stuff with DS due to the alcohol but kindly agreed to come bcak in 10 minutes after another delivery!

That might have been a more difficult experience 20 years ago. Although I guess, no amazon drivers delivering wine!

I also think that we can vastly underestimate our children's competence. Both DS and DD have had to navigate situations that were a bit more difficult and I've been really pleased by how both of them have handled it. DD gets very emotional but does it anyway. And DS just plods along to solve the problem.

Why are people using 11 as a marker? Surely you use 12/13/secondary as one?

11 is secondary age in England and Wales. Many August born 11 year old children will be making their own way to and from school and coming home to an empty house from the start of secondary if they weren't already. A September born child in year 6 is only weeks or days younger.