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Original poster

To say no to unwanted visitors?

84 replies

SammyTheDog · 03/04/2024 10:44

Met this family on holidays abroad a few years back. Invited the three of them to come and stay with us (we don't live in the UK) as their dd got on really well with ours. So they came and stayed with us last summer for about 5 days. Problem is, when they came to stay, they didn't bring as much as a box of chocolates or a bottle of wine. Neither did they spend a single penny for the whole time they were here. We took them out to dinner almost every night; paid for boats trips, trips to museums etc. Neither parent put their hand in their pocket for the entire trip. They're not wealthy people, but we felt it wouldn't have killed them to bring a small gift, or at least pay for one of the meals out!
Now, the mum has been in touch to say they want to come again this summer, this time for a week!! Would it be really mean of me to say no? And what exactly will I say? Help!!

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 03/04/2024 12:13

I think you could have them over again if it works for you, OP, but just be clear that this time it would be every family pays for themselves. Tell them upfront and clearly then they can decide if that's still viable for them and if it is, hold fast - don't pay for them.

If you wanted a preamble you could say that you paid for them this time as a treat but now it's each family paying for themselves. No reason given, no excuses. Includes meals, boat trips, museums... anything that costs money.

That's what I'd do anyway if you liked having them to stay.

AhNowTed · 03/04/2024 12:12

Honestly, people who will sit on their hands when the bill comes, 5 days on the trot, won't be in the least offended.

Hides of a fucking elephant.

PuppyMonkey · 03/04/2024 12:10

I’m afraid we can’t this year. All the best x

Ryegait · 03/04/2024 12:09

"How lovely to hear from you!

Unfortunately we aren't in the position to host guests this year. However, if you are visiting the area we'd love to meet up with you one day during your break.
All the best, SammyTheDog"

ZebraD · 03/04/2024 12:06

Say yes that would be lovely, here is a list of local hotels for you to stay in. And don’t pay for anything for them!

TinySmol · 03/04/2024 12:03

"No, we are not able to host you".

Do not say the word sorry.

Cheeky c**ts.

madmumofteens · 03/04/2024 11:49

No is a complete sentence OP sounds like you are a lovely person and they are CFs

AhNowTed · 03/04/2024 11:48

OP don't feel bad about saying no.

They will be used to it.

Because you're not the first target and they'll just move on to the next.

People like this have absolutely no shame.

cheddercherry · 03/04/2024 11:46

Why on earth would you pay for everything?!

Thats utterly bizarre if that’s actually true, regardless either say quite simply you’re already booked up for this summer, or be blunter and say finances won’t allow you to host in the manner you did last summer so you aren’t having guests.

They don’t sound like particularly nice friends if they allowed you to lavish them in the way you did and the fact they didn’t even give as much as a thank you card.

Tourmalines · 03/04/2024 11:41

No , and no ,no no .

Itloggedmeoutagain · 03/04/2024 11:40

I can't believe that anyone would pay for all meals out and entrance tickets and no one bats an eyelid

saraclara · 03/04/2024 11:40

Anyone who invites themselves for a week, should be prepared for the answer to be no. It's a bizarre request.

I'd just say that your summer is quite full on so you're not able to host this time.

Mywingshurt · 03/04/2024 11:38

"Sorry, we're not in a position to be able to host this Summer. We'd love to see you though, we can visit you at your chosen apartment/hotel/airbnb."

0sm0nthus · 03/04/2024 11:37

Just say sorry you no longer have room to host visitors.

MichelleMcBelle · 03/04/2024 11:33

You’re obviously an extremely lovely person who must have got on very well with this family to invite them over last year. It’s a real shame that they then took advantage of this by not contributing to anything during their stay! Actually beggars belief! If they can afford to travel over then they can afford to feed and water themselves, just like they’d have to do at home!

If you would like them to stay again I’d be making sure that they are fully aware of what’s expected when they stay, although I don’t know how you’d word this, why should you even have to spell it out!!

Other than that reply that you can’t accommodate them at the moment, rinse, repeat if they ask again!

Caroparo52 · 03/04/2024 11:10

You've let yourself be taken for a complete ride here. I hope this shows you how some people will take the piss out of the generosity of others. Say thanks but no we cannot afford to host you again.

BMW6 · 03/04/2024 11:09

More fool you for not speaking up last year!

As for this request I'd reply "No, after your freeloading last year its not happening ever again. Bugger Off"

Shinyandnew1 · 03/04/2024 11:07

Why did you carry on paying for everything for 5 days, I do t get this at all?

Surely, the second time there was a paying situation, you would have said something?

Sparkletastic · 03/04/2024 11:04

You need to be honest with yourselves about why you allowed that to happen. If you find it impossible to assert yourselves socially then hosting guests is not for you.

lap90 · 03/04/2024 11:04

They are taking the piss.

KeinLiebeslied54321 · 03/04/2024 11:03

Why on earth did you pay for everything last time?
As it is it of course is fine to say no, being as honest as you feel is necessary.

betterangels · 03/04/2024 11:03

Why didn't you say something at the time? They're taking advantage because you let them.

Saying no obviously isn't mean. You need a bit of a backbone!

Babsexxx · 03/04/2024 11:00

Cheeeeky AF no I’d say your stacked out this summer!

bellezarara · 03/04/2024 10:59

Maddy70 · 03/04/2024 10:55

Do you really want to remain friends with them?

If you dont reply along the lines of
We cant do it again im sorry. It cost us si much money hosting you last time and we felt a little taken advantage of as you didnt even bring a bottle of wine as a thank you

If you do want to remain friends just say

Sorry we cant host but if you book into a hotel it would be good to catch up one night

Problem is they will think they can stay every year if they bring a bottle of wine next time!

Better to block and delete them for good.

OP, don't tie yourself up in knots about it.

Inmydreams88 · 03/04/2024 10:56

Honestly only on mumsnet do these things happen. How on earth did you end up paying for everything for a family you met once on holiday and invited them to stay 🙈🙈 it’s laughable surely! If you visit a museum you pay for your own families separate surely? Same with boat trips. Restaurants could be more tricky as you have to actively ask to split the bills but after the first time they didn’t pay surely you’d wise up and ask to split it?

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