To say no to unwanted visitors?

don't go around intiving random starngers IMO
I don't even invite family even though I know they wont come unless there is an even at ours or near us. I know too many people that just say "visit us, stay the night etc..." But in reality, they don't mean it and only when it suits them

When we worked, when my siblings, some of them too the p about "we are thinking of coming over.." What wound me up more was they'd say it many times and only visit the once so I always said - come Friday pm as we are free and back to work on Mondays - they got the message - I often took Mondays off to recover

Therefore, I only invite someone if I really want to ad not scared to say no via being polite - EG, sorry, we are off to x that week or xx next week and even week after and so on

Of course yanbu.

However agree with posters saying you should have been a bit more assertive with them paying for their share of activities. or some nights staying in and having simpler meals?

either way, I would be put off having them round ever again.

Could you say, we're not having visitors at the moment. it's just simple and they can't argue with that. You could add if you want, We're budgeting at the moment and not hosting.

Just say money is tight this year so you can’t afford it

Or, how about "Sorry but we are still completely skint after you came last summer"

As a little bit of insight into this type of behaviour, my DM believes totally that 'host pays'. It wouldn't occur to her to offer. DParents didn't get out much so never learned or taught social niceties. Both my DBs are the same.

As a house guest, when we lived abroad, we would pay for her flights out, feed her, pay for trips out etc. Occasionally she would offer to pay for a takeaway. Other than that she wouldn't offer any contribution to the cost of her week's stay.

However, she would complain that coming to stay with us was expensive!

Tell the CFers you can't afford to host them, and they will have to split meals out, pay for their costs for admissions to museums, etc. You won't hear from them again.

Of course it's not 'mean' to say no. You're not even really friends. You met them for a few days on holiday, and then they came to stay with you and you realised you don't actually like them as much as you thought you did and they're a bunch scroungers. You're not obliged to even stay in touch with them, let alone have them to stay.

I suspect if you reply with 'Sorry, we don't really fancy having people to stay this year' and leave it at that, you'll probably hear little or nothing from them ever again. Which would be a good thing!

Suggest surely this year it's their turn to host....?!

Just say:

I'm sorry, we have other plans this summer

That's crazy that they had a completely free holiday (other than travel to you). Is there some cultural expectation for you or them for that level of hospitality? I'm just trying to wrap my head around who would do that!

I'd either say "Sorry, we have family visiting all this summer" or "sorry, our living situation has changed and we no longer have room for visitors" if you want a more permanent solution.

Why would you pay for everything? If we were eating out I'd assume the bill is split ditto day trips. Food in the house I'd pay for but that's all. And I would hope to get a thank you gift as they are getting a free break !!

If you like them and want them to come I would be clear and say "I know we treated last time you were here and we were happy to do so but I'm afraid we can't offer that this year everything would need to be split"
Or say no we are busy

Yes - suggest it's your turn to come to them!

You don't need this relationship, so I'd just say no (and I'm not good at that, but these aren't people you have to see in your everyday life). They clearly want a free holiday - and what's in it for you?

We took them out to dinner almost every night; paid for boats trips, trips to museums etc.

Why. The. Fuck would you do this. It's beyond comprehension. Sorry, but this is all on you. All you had to do was not do any of that.

I can't believe you paid for everything for 5 days 😳

To be fair I think that’s not ok. The op and her husband didn’t have to pay foe everything. They could easily have said shall we split the bill or we will get this if uou get that. So they bear some responsibility for this.

I'd reply with something like. 'We can't afford for you to visit again, last time you didn't spend a penny. I appreciate I should have said something at the time but really you should never have put me in that position'. Then see what they say.

Honestly op, you are an utter mug for allowing this and then on top of that asking if you're mean to say no. Go on then, repeat the same if you don't want to be mean. Or have some respect for yourself and think about what's reasonable.

Wow, I can’t believe you treated them so much, and paid for everything, and now think it’s mean if you don’t provide them with a free full weeks holiday.

im lost for words.

Or if the children get along you could say you're happy to meet up for a day trip if they're staying nearby but not able to host them again this year.

Yes, this is better.

I assumed that you were in two minds, OP, that was the basis of my post. If it was a definite 'No', you'd just tell them that, surely?

OP, did you intend to pay for everything last time they came and are annoyed they didn't reciprocate your generosity by bringing a gift or offering to pay for a dinner? Or are you annoyed because you had not intended to pay for everything but somehow ended up doing so?

Either way, I would not have them stay again as it sounds like they were not grateful.

Why don't they offer to have you over?

Or if the children get along you could say you're happy to meet up for a day trip if they're staying nearby but not able to host them again this year.

My guess is that on receipt of such a message they will respond by promising to pay their way this time, but this will all only be in service of getting their feet under the table for another free holiday.
#Freeloaders gonna freeload

Nu Fone, who dis?

Unfortunately we aren’t prepared to host again last year as you didn’t even bring a gift or pay for your own family activities, which we thought was poor form.

wish you would send something like that op, you are probably too nice to but they deserve to be pulled up on their cheekiness!!

You don’t have to dress it up and be polite, just say no! These people are piss-takers! And to be honest I think you have to do a bit of self reflection and think how you allowed that to happen! Paying for all their meals and trips out for 5 days is ridiculous and it’s crazy that you allowed it to happen. After 2 days of that maximum, you should have shut up shop and stayed at home serving toast!

In fact, they’ll probably turn up on OP’s doorstep anyway.