Why do people not like using holiday clubs?

I agree - people do seem to look down on me for using holiday clubs. Like i am doing it out of choice - but we don't have grandparents and we both work FT so it's just how it has to be!

I was beginning to think I was going a bit mad with trying to explain unstructured downtime, @Heronwatcher

I think some people are genuinely being a bit obtuse, or somehow have it in their heads that children can't have unstructured downtime without sitting in front of a screen (which is only an option if you give them unlimited access to said screen in the first place, surely?).

I think it’s a bit sad I have to explain this (unless some people are being deliberately obtuse), but unstructured downtime for a child might look something like this-
lie in
lazy breakfast
walk to shops or play- either in garden or indoors if weather bad
help make lunch
hour or so TV
Help do a few jobs, or play indoors (Lego, craft, den making etc) or garden
Maybe choose something for dinner and help make it
eat dinner
watch movie
bed

But the whole point is that it’s up to them- maybe apart from mealtimes- I might ask if they want to help with food prep, gardening or jobs but if they don’t then I am not going to re-arrange my day to accommodate them, they either find something to do (not screen based) or they get bored. I might say that if they help me with a few jobs I will take them to the park or out on bikes but that’s it. It helps that they’ve got a decent amount of toys, trampolines etc and we have a garden admittedly. But it does not mean a day on screens.

For me a day of unstructured downtime (if I am without kids) might mean a walk, a bit of DIY, tidying a problem cupboard or going for coffee. I absolutely do not sit in my PJs watching homes under the hammer all day, the point is that nothing is planned so I’m not dashing about the place and I’m on my own schedule.

Like I said, they used it for family holidays - all of which were very structured and filled with nice wholesome activities.

I was at private school, so had about 18 weeks off a year compared to their six. So, yes, unless we were away as a family, I had to go to holiday care. And that was 8am-6pm, Monday to Friday. The same as in school (in fact, it was at school which makes it worse, lol).

And it wasn't uncommon - the same kids went to holiday club year in, year out. And it was always full.

I don't think anyone on here is saying children should spend weeks just sitting in front of screens, though

They're saying that having some time to themselves to choose what they want to do with their days is just as important as days where things are planned and structured.

There's nothing wrong with choosing to fill your days but the point is that it's a choice, and people aren't wrong for choosing to waste a day or two watching TV if that's what makes them happy. Life doesn't always have to be filled with structure and purpose.

I don't think that is common at all. Most parents get 4-6 weeks annual leave and don't use it all together. So a lot more than the "odd week" off. I know a lot of children whose parents use holiday clubs and not one is there that often.

What did your parents do with their annual leave?

@fieldsofbutterflies

I genuinely don't why unstructured downtime is only "okay for a couple of hours or days", either, or do you really fill all annual leave with lots of structure and planned activities?

As I said before, it depends what you mean by "unstructured downtime" and how long it is going on for.

I think a couple of hours dossing about on YouTube is absolutely fine. But if it's the default, day in and day out with nothing else planned it's not fine at all.

Everyone's talking about the benefits of "downtime" but there's downtime and downtime and just leaving your kids in front of a screen for weeks on end is not good downtime.

I do definitely fill annual leave days with something, yes. I work very long hours and get very little leave in the year. If I am lucky enough to get a day's leave there's no way I'm wasting it watching TV all day.

Lots of children are in holiday club for the whole holidays, with the exception off the odd week where their parents are on holiday and they go away as a family.

I was one of them - my holidays were either spent in organised childcare or away on (very structured) family holidays. Even weekends were spent doing structured activities.

I've gone the opposite way as an adult

Mine’s 18 now but I remember some people reacting negatively to her in holiday clubs. I think it’s a combo of not having used them and in some cases wanting to justify why they couldn’t work with school age kids.
Lots used to be word of mouth so if you weren’t in the loop you might think there were few options.
Mine still had time off with me and time with her grandma.
Her school ran one for a few weeks each summer which was free play and a few trips out. She liked that they all played together.
She also did a dance one, gymnastics etc. Made friends, tried new things and as got older enjoyed helping with little ones.
I used to save most of my leave for hols other than summer as holiday care was plentiful and varied in summer.

But no children are in holiday club for the entirety of all school holidays - it's not an either/or, they get a bit of both.

Maybe it's genetic but my kids definitely don't enjoy days with no plans either though - they end up in a poor mood if we try the just stay at home and chill thing

But the point is that you have a choice, whereas children don't.

If you want to fill your days then that's absolutely fine, but children don't have the same freedom you to unless their parents actively choose to allow it.

Doesn't really appeal to me. I enjoy an hour or two like that but I prefer to have some plans.

Well, maybe you should try it. It's actually quite nice to do not much all day and do whatever takes your fancy on the day.

To me, it means a day at home where you can just potter and do whatever you fancy without any restrictions on your time, or without needing to follow someone else's agenda.

You could choose to go out all day, or spend it on your pajamas, but the point is you have a choice. I just think it's so important for everyone, within reason, to have days where they can just "be".

I am not sure if I understand how you are defining it.

But in all honesty, I wouldn't take a day off as annual leave and not have any plans.

There's a few different points in your post.

You mention your mil. Yes I would agree up to a point that if you've found a good holiday club that works for you and your dc enjoy it, it might be preferable to lounging around all day at grannies.

You made another point about term time only jobs. I have a term time job. My children didn't always like holiday clubs, they could be pricey and didn't always work within working hours. I've always done things with them and then maybe a week's holiday camp during the Summer hols.

I also think that some downtime and lazy days are fine.

So it's a case of doing what works best for your family.

Unstructured downtime doesn't literally mean sitting at home and doing absolutely nothing all day, though

I don't think I have ever done absolutely nothing with a day of leave now that you say it..

It's not always highly structured but yes I would always do something with a day off. I might go for a long walk, meet a friend, go to a museum, that kind of thing

That depends on the holiday club, as well as the games they're playing and the things they're watching on YouTube, surely?

I genuinely don't why unstructured downtime is only "okay for a couple of hours or days", either, or do you really fill all annual leave with lots of structure and planned activities?

Yes, but that's as a working parent. Childcare whilst working is not the same

I'm talking about when everyone is off work/school and just having a week at home.

Even if kids went to GPs for 5 days out of the Easter holidays and all they did was sit around and watch TV, potter at home.... It really isn't awful.

The problem is when kids are sat staring at screens for 3+ hours every evening and all weekends (which is the reality for kids I know) they come back to school after a weekend and all they did was play Xbox etc. those are the "problem" screens. Not eh kid who is usually busy and engaged spending a few more hours on screens at school hols.

Again...I don't see the issue of in holidays kids spending a bit more time relaxing and doing 'nothing' by watching TV etc.

It's really isn't the end of the world and kids do not need to be actively engaged in things all the time. If adults are allowed to chill after kids bedtime by just sitting around and reading, watching TV etc then so are kids.

Don't you all do this on holiday? Just sit around a bit more, watch a bit more TV, read more, do fewer activities?

@WittiestUsernameEver

It’s totally fine if it is a couple of hours or days yes. Not if it’s several weeks.

Whats missing from this discussion is what working parents who don’t have “the village” available to them are supposed to do.

Its all very well romanticising “boredom” and “unstructured downtime” if you have grandparents to pick up the slack or you can take long holidays to hang out with your kids but for some of us “unstructured downtime” would basically equate to weeks of tv as babysitter.

The choice available to me as a FT working single parent is a) holiday clubs or b) me working in one room with my DD looking at screens all day unless I run in to stop her (which I can’t do because I am on calls). It’s a no brainer for me.

Nothing wrong with relaxing for an hour or so playing computer games or watching TV.

There are 24 hours in a day.
I think the people who are in support of kids having down time/unstructured days etc are likely accepting that there will be A LOT more than 1 hour a day of xbox etc, especially in the years where they don't need a lot of supervision but are too young to be independent.

Why not?

Nothing wrong with relaxing for an hour or so playing computer games or watching TV.

We don't have to be engaged all the time.