To think it was a bit shit of my direct report to say this?

Very cheeky! You'll have to convey "I'll was telling, not asking" in a polite way b

Very rude. In my place you have a 1-2-1 every month

Well assuming they are on probation for the first 6 months? You will need to monitor them and their performance to make sure they are firstly ok but secondly that you have reasons if they are not quite cutting it.

It's important and professional to ensure they are OK and if need support early on! When I was in a new role I desperately wanted to know I was doing the right things and welcomed meet ups then being the mentor I made it clear it was for support as well. Sounds like a defensive attitude, hopefully they will realise it's just normal. Xx

Funny how practices are so different in different professions/industries. I'd be having a weekly catch-up with a new team member as a matter of course to begin with and then moved to fortnightly once they'd settled in. Nothing formal though, more of a regular "how's it going, is there anything I can help with" kind of chat, as well as drip feeding induction stuff.

Yes, this exactly.

Was it a man? That’s an absolutely classic ‘power move’ in which a sexist junior man seeks to take control of a meeting a woman is in charge of.

Things somewhat depend on if it was said with a worried smile, or with an arrogant stare, but I’m guessing it was said with a firm confidence and that comment would not go down well with me at all. I would reply very firmly “I disagree.” Or “It’s for me to decide when’s appropriate for us to meet thank you.”

Let me guess, you apologised and left feeling insecure and doubting yourself? That was exactly what he intended to achieve.

The good news that is with this kind of man, if you convince them that they you won’t be bullied they tend to back off.

That said, keep a close eye on office politics as this type of man will usually try to go over your head in some way to build a relationship with the person he perceives as really in charge ie the next man above you. Happily though they usually end up looking like an idiot.

Use very assertive speech with this type of man. Never say “I think we should do xyz” just say “We are doing xyz” In particular make no apologies, he will see it as confirmation of his own superiority. Whenever he rubbishes your opinion or otherwise criticises you, simply say things like

• ”I disagree.”
• ”No. It’s time to do this now.”
• ”That isn’t appropriate.”
• ”You seem rather emotional, shall we discuss this later when you’re able to be more calm?”

Etc

From your posts it seems that you sat with them daily to show them how to do their job & then debrief them daily just for the first week. What happened after week one?

It does also seem a bit early to discuss aspects of the future of the role for their fresh ideas when they’ve only been there a month. Maybe that’s what they meant?

Very strange response. In my company we catch up every two days with new starts for the first week, then twice a week for the next few weeks and after a month we move to weekly catch ups. We also have a weekly team meeting for the full team plus a mid week team huddle. All WFH so catch ups are literally a 30 minute Teams call. With that response I’d be worried they were hiding something.

It’s never too early. What an ill-thought out reply from them. I’d have shot that attitude right down.

THEY are being sensitive and weird. I have a scheduled 1-1 with my manager once a week.

I have one to one with my direct reports every week... New starter or not - if we don't need it we cancel but the placeholder is there.

I'm a new line manager with 13 direct reports, some are nicer than others. My advice would be don't take it personally, develop a thick skin and be prepared to explain reasoning behind it. Someone else would appreciate your check in. Work together to develop a plan and don't be afraid to challenge them back. You can do everything possible for someone and they'll still be unhappy, be entitled etc

I see it as giving space for an answer, rather than asking a question, being unable to tolerate silence and/or listen and then asking loads of further questions before someone even tries to answer number one.

That sounds confrontational and like you are trying to catch them out, not a great way to foster good relations between managers and the people they are managing.

What a strange organisation you must work for!

It's absolutely OK to question and challenge.

My first thought would be that you needed to be clearer about the purpose of the one-to-one, rather than saying you were getting it in early due to your forthcoming absence. 'This is a chance to get to know each other and talk about your goals, and what support you need from me as your line manager' - that type of thing. It sounds as if your direct thought it was a performance review, which it would be early days for.

Actually reading the op again it looks like she'd scheduled it in and DURING the chat the first thing he said is it was too early for this?

They sound rude. You’re only seeing how they’re doing. Who are they to say it’s too early, you’re the boss! Some people …

For what? 🤣

ummmm request is a euphemism

Your direct report was wrong to say this, but you should have set her straight.

I meet with my direct reports every week for half an hour and every month for an hour. It's a good check in point for both of us, and helps to realign if anything is not going quite as it should be.

Op said she scheduled it in. No reference to asking/requesting?

I do agree that the OP could have phrased the request better which is why I mentioned that its not a manager's job to be "nice" Unless its a VERY young employee though, "Its too early for that" is not what I would expect to hear as a manager.

But we don’t know if they crossed a line.

Thats why I asked Op how the conversation email was worded and for more information

manager ‘I thought you might benefit from a 1-2-1. Shall we book one in.’
Employee ‘I think it’s too early for that’

In the above the employee may have thought it was an offer to take up or decline based on what they felt. That’s my point about communication. Op, could (not saying definitely) may have worded it where the employee thought the choice was definitely theirs. They may be someone who needs more direct communication.

Manager ‘You have been here 4 weeks. Now is a good time to book in our first 1-2-1, we do them regularly for everyone. This is what you should prepare and bear in mind I will be less available in the coming weeks, so it’s a chance to raise things. I will send you an invite’

Thats not a question.

No one has to be wrong or a dick or made a mistake. It’s just communication issues.

But that was my point. We don’t know enough to know whether he was refusing, misunderstood, is a dick, didn’t understand etc.