To think it was a bit shit of my direct report to say this?

I agree with you, people just seem to be incapable of getting on with things these days. Dreading a Monday morning meeting?! I wouldn't pander to this nonsense: it's a business, not a crèche.

And OP: with your update that this is a man, I would nip this in the bud right now-he doesn't get to decide when you meet with him. You are his manager and if you give him an inch now you'll never hear the end of it. If he wants to be the one making the decisions he can pull his finger out and apply for a management role.

Not at all are you being sensitive. How early it is to be doing the review is subjective and not entitledly their decision. Set em straight!

That's bonkers @Abitofalark What professional person would be scared of a meeting just because it's on a Monday morning?!

It's completely usual to have meetings at the start of the week - usually to talk about what the focus is and if anyone is going to need any help/assistance through the week. Little point doing that at the end of the week.

Honestly. I don't know how people get on in the real world.

Ah, that could explain it: the dreaded 11 o'clock on a Monday morning meeting which seems to be a thing with managers. (A Tuesday morning after a bank holiday is the equivalent of Monday, being the start of the working week.)

It almost seems calculated to instil fear or dread into the heart of the recipient. In some cases I'm sure that's why they do it.

If the employee doesn't know what it's about, he or she has all weekend to wonder and worry about what they are having to face at the start of the week on Monday morning - anxious about whether they've failed or done something wrong and if they're going to be hauled over the coals.

Equally if it's the usual annual performance review, that brings a degree of anxiety in any case and leaving it over the weekend and to face on Monday morning, just compounds that.

Management is more an art than a science and the timing of meetings can be a factor. I'd favour the latter half of the week - by the end of Wednesday you've broken the back of it and spirits rise with the weekend in sight to get over any upsets in the working week.

What I learnt with line managing. It’s nice to be nice, but you aren’t their friend and they need to understand your role at work. You are there to guide and support and if that entails a 1-2-1 then that is what is going to happen. Be firm but fair, if you show any sign of weakness they’ll walk all over it further down the line

To be honest, I would have expected to have a 1-1 with my Manager on joining, to start the relationship, check on how I’m settling in, see if I need any additional support etc.
It’s difficult to comment on whether it’s reasonable without context. If you had a first meeting after 4 weeks of starting I might feel unsupported. Then if our first meeting, I perceived you to quickly launch into ‘all the stuff you need to tackle’ . I might feel unsupported and overwhelmed. I’m not sure if this was the case, but I’d try and look at the situation in their shoes first….or perhaps ask them how they’re feeling - what sits behind that comment.
It may not be you, they could have bad social skills …but I’d look into this other stuff first.

Also I don't really understand why you didn't respond 'what do you mean?' And then you could have managed expectations or set the ground rules etc.

Firstly did she definitely mean in the post and not in the day? This morning A&E phoned me at my desk at 5am and I said oh wow that's a lot too much information for 5.07 in the morning.
Secondly did she understand what you'd booked her in for? I'd expect a 1:1 in the first week and then about a month in...did she maybe think it wss some kind of performance review?

After 4 weeks - I would say it is long overdue. New hires need more contact generally than those who have been there for some time.

I agree. As a manager, it would be a massive red flag to me if one of my direct reports didn't want a 1:1.

@SpeedbirdSquawker I found @CloudsUnderwater a bit too strong! IME a good manager checks in to make sure people are OK, so you did the right thing. Your new starter blew your check in out of proportion which is on them.

Don't take it personally or dwell on what's happened too much, but do keep tabs on the new starter. In your shoes, I'd be very clear the purpose of the next 121 and I would def make time to have one no matter how busy I found myself esp if over reaction is where thry go when they feel stressed....

its far too early to be doing this" (they meant a one to one/catch up)

After 4 weeks - I would say it is long overdue. New hires need more contact generally than those who have been there for some time.

Line managing is like parenting.

The kids are good all day at school but come home and give you all the shit.

The sooner you detach a few paces the better. There’s no difference between what they said and being called a fart face by a toddler.

You can handle it.

So many office grumbles would be solved by putting people down for naps, doling out snacks and patting them on the head “Your spreadsheet is wonderful darling, have a sticker”.

That was rude of them. I wouldn't have spoken to my manager like that. No wonder you were taken aback.

It’s a weird thing for them to say. My work’s policy is a 1:1 meeting with your manager at least once a fortnight. When I have had someone new, I’ve met them much more regularly to help them get up to speed. I can’t imagine leaving someone to get on with it and hoping for the best. (There are then more formal check ins for progress on probation. )

Mmm! Sounds to be that you are doing the right things, and it was quite rude of them IMHO, but do not take it to heart. This is YOUR team and you run it YOUR way.
I can see that you asked them for input - possibly they are not used to that, and are not fully into the role enough to yet? Explain that you value their prior knowledge to shape the team to its best, and they were chosen for just that.
But did YOU choose them? Have they been with the company longer than the new role? Perhaps feeling unsettled/resentful of you? Or have you been dumped with the dead wood? (This happens)
Possibly they have never had a manager who was involved before - it could come across as micro-managing, especially if you are talking daily. They do need to know that you trust them.

Been there, done that - you are good, do not doubt yourself

At my workplace, fortnightly 1:1s with direct reports are the norm, perhaps they are not used to having 1:1s but as their manager it's really for you to decide if you want regular check ins

You are both right !

also was this a planned meeting or a bit more ad hoc? if planned did the meeting invitation have an agenda/idea of what it's about?

I find it absolutely vital that every meeting invitation gives a clear outline of what it is about, and any pre-reading/preparation that needs to be done.

I have had a couple of managers in the past, who made one to ones a miserable experience, a fault finding mission, a checking that the KPIs have been met and if not, why not- a power trip designed to make the employee feel very small, and like they were failing.
Maybe that’s the source of her reaction, a fear that she’s in for bollocking?
Maybe she worked under similar managers to these in the past?
(You seem lovely though, so hopefully she’ll change her tune).

Well, one of the first things out of their mouth was, "its far too early to be doing this" (they meant a one to one/catch up). I replied that as I'll be busy over the next few months, I wanted to check of they were OK.

Where i work we have a buddy system - you don't report to them, often not even in the same team. You have a daily catch-up with them every day for 10-15 minutes. They introduce you to the culture of the company, and give you a bit of the inside track etc. We also have a 1 to 1 with our boss once a month. this is important, and while we are fully hybrid, it is preferred for this to be face to face.

So your first response should have been: actually it has been a month already this is the perfect time.

but your reply about being busy over the next few months is a bit shit. Who are they to turn to with questions? do they have a mentor or a buddy?

how long is probation?

(also how long have we used the painful expression "direct reports" in British English? it is an ugly turn of phrase)

I once had a new manager come into the job when I was already there. She didn't come out of her office to introduce herself let alone have a catch up. It was really unsettling. I personally wouldn't speak to my manager like that especially if I'd only been there 4 weeks. You may think it, but why say it? It's not making a good first impression. I think the person must have had a bad experience. I had a boss once who wanted to talk multiple times a day and interfere with everything I was doing. He would send me an email, then print it out and pull up a chair at my desk with the email. He did things like this multiple times a day. It was hell. Maybe your direct report has worked for the same guy 😂

Maybe they thought you were evaluating them.

"We are going to do this"

What a peculiar response! It sounds very defensive - perhaps they've had a bad experience in 1-2-1s in a previous job.

Is it possible they thought it was an early/premature probation review? Regardless, move on. They and others you manage will say all manner of unsettling things to you, many utterly deluded or out of the blue.