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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not want to share a room on holiday with MIL

230 replies

seeitthroughmyeyes · 02/04/2024 12:01

My LT fiancé's parents kindly paid for all of us to go to new forest this year with his three nephews, sister, her husband and his parents. The three nephews are an absolute pain, they are badly behaved, rude and irritating.

I've now been told I'm no longer going to be sharing a room with my fiancé as the three boys want to share a room with their uncle. Obviously, I'm not happy sharing a room with my MIL for 4 days, although I love her to bits. I'm a grown adult.
Both my fiancé and me have agreed we no longer want to do family holidays with them because it's exhausting and we aren't exactly a big fan of children, albeit they are family.

AIBU for not wanting to share a room with my MIL and no longer wanting to participate in family holidays with them?
If so, how do we go about telling them in the future we no longer want to join without upsetting them.

OP posts:
NowImInExile · 02/04/2024 12:21

seeitthroughmyeyes · 02/04/2024 12:16

Yes it has, this is something they often do. It was a Christmas present. Which means it was booked and paid for prior to us knowing Easter Angry

Show quote history

Don't go. Set the boundary that you need to be consulted on holidays. They are presenting this as a gift with the expectation that your gratitude means they get to dictate the whole experience. It's a means of control, and you need to make it politely clear that you aren’t going to go along with it.

Otherwise, you will find you have no choice or say in your holidays and this will only become more difficult. Setting boundaries can be very stressful at first, but everyone is happier once they're clear on where the line is and they will get used to it.

LemonTreeGrove · 02/04/2024 12:21

seeitthroughmyeyes · 02/04/2024 12:09

Honestly, we haven't really discussed it. My MIL is quite... demanding. Me and my partner didn't really discuss it as we assumed it's something that will be quickly forgotten by the time we go, but it got brought up again over the Easter weekend.

I said to him, it's not happening. He has told his DM that it's not appropriate to share with his three nephews, but they are adamant they want to and they always get what they want. This is the reason we no longer want to participate in holidays

God, no wonder those kids are badly behaved if they are given that much power to dictate what they want in the family.

pleasehelpagirlout · 02/04/2024 12:20

seeitthroughmyeyes · 02/04/2024 12:16

Yes it has, this is something they often do. It was a Christmas present. Which means it was booked and paid for prior to us knowing Easter Angry

Show quote history

Oh man… sorry this does sound like a nightmare holiday

i think soemtimes in life this sort of stress can be easily avoided by saying “no thanks” and setting in boundaries

snowlady4 · 02/04/2024 12:20

I would leave this one to your partner. He needs to say that he doesn't want to share with children and won't be doing so. If it can't be resolved, you both pull out of the trip. Don't get too involved. Let him sort it and just put it out of your head!

Commonsenseisnotsocommon · 02/04/2024 12:20

Jeez, nip this in the bud now. A simple 'oh gosh I thought you were joking, of course df and I will be staying together, don't be so silly!' Should work. If df doesn't handle this well I'd reconsider more than just future holidays as your future in laws sound like a bunch of spoilt brats. Good luck!

esta2024 · 02/04/2024 12:18

my SIL shared a hotel room for over a week with her MIL, DH and baby. That would be you in a few years time if you don't establish some boundaries.

VesperLind · 02/04/2024 12:17

Nephews share with Grandpa. My DGSs would love that!

Aquamarine1029 · 02/04/2024 12:17

My MIL is quite... demanding.

Only if you're a doormat. This is when you lay down the law and stand up for yourself. This woman can't boss you around unless you allow it.

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 02/04/2024 12:17

Your DP needs to send the message today and make it abundantly clear that it isn’t happening.

and if it is, then you’re not going on this holiday.

and stick to it.

SofaSpuds · 02/04/2024 12:16

Fuck future holidays, refuse to go on this one if this happens! Those kids need to be told NO, uncle will be sleeping with his fiancée.

But... I don't understand why this means you would have to share with MiL? Surely you just stay in the room you are due to share with DF?

Original poster
seeitthroughmyeyes · 02/04/2024 12:16

pleasehelpagirlout · 02/04/2024 12:15

Has the holiday been booked and paid for yet?!

Yes it has, this is something they often do. It was a Christmas present. Which means it was booked and paid for prior to us knowing Easter Angry

OP posts:
pleasehelpagirlout · 02/04/2024 12:15

Has the holiday been booked and paid for yet?!

JudgeJudging · 02/04/2024 12:14

seeitthroughmyeyes · 02/04/2024 12:09

Honestly, we haven't really discussed it. My MIL is quite... demanding. Me and my partner didn't really discuss it as we assumed it's something that will be quickly forgotten by the time we go, but it got brought up again over the Easter weekend.

I said to him, it's not happening. He has told his DM that it's not appropriate to share with his three nephews, but they are adamant they want to and they always get what they want. This is the reason we no longer want to participate in holidays

Who cares what they want, though? The small children of my family frequent want things they don't get, like six icecreams in a row or to travel in the dog cage in the back of the car. They just have to live with the disappointment.

Original poster
seeitthroughmyeyes · 02/04/2024 12:14

nameychange · 02/04/2024 12:10

If you’re sharing with MIL where’s FIL sleeping?

He will be sleeping in his own room. MIL and FIL are divorced and have been for 20 years.

OP posts:
PuppyMonkey · 02/04/2024 12:13

Nephews will have to get over the huge disappointment of being told no chance.

MrsO3 · 02/04/2024 12:13

nameychange · 02/04/2024 12:10

If you’re sharing with MIL where’s FIL sleeping?

Maybe there isn’t a FIL or he isn’t going as hasn’t been mentioned

MrsO3 · 02/04/2024 12:12

marmiteoneverything · 02/04/2024 12:10

“Hi Mum, I will be sharing with Seeitthrough on the holiday, as arranged before. I assume nobody promised the boys without asking us, but if so then I hope they’re not too disappointed!”

This is great. To the point, not up for discussion but still polite

hottchocolate · 02/04/2024 12:12

I don't see how the kids always get what they want if your DP simply says no I'm sharing with @seeitthroughmyeyes

Id let them know beforehand so it's clear

marmiteoneverything · 02/04/2024 12:10

“Hi Mum, I will be sharing with Seeitthrough on the holiday, as arranged before. I assume nobody promised the boys without asking us, but if so then I hope they’re not too disappointed!”

nameychange · 02/04/2024 12:10

If you’re sharing with MIL where’s FIL sleeping?

bellezarara · 02/04/2024 12:10

Forget the future, fiancé needs to speak up now and say we agreed to attend on the basis that fiancé and I would share a room. If we can’t have a room to ourselves we won’t be coming.

MrsO3 · 02/04/2024 12:10

This is crazy. Get your DP to TELL them (not ask!) that he will be sharing a room with you, not his nephews! No wonder they behave badly, they sound spoilt! When they first suggested that they share with your DP, the suggestion should have been immediately shut down by your DP and MIL. Madness that children are dictating the sleeping arrangements.

As for future ‘holidays’ (which they aren’t at all for you and DP by the sounds of it!) just politely decline with something along the lines of “No thank you, we’ve booked/are looking to book to go away just the 2 of us. Thank you anyway, have a great time!” Or you’ve always got the excuse of needing to save the money for the wedding. Then when you’re married you can say you’ve booked your honeymoon so aren’t doing family holidays that year.

Original poster
seeitthroughmyeyes · 02/04/2024 12:09

Honestly, we haven't really discussed it. My MIL is quite... demanding. Me and my partner didn't really discuss it as we assumed it's something that will be quickly forgotten by the time we go, but it got brought up again over the Easter weekend.

I said to him, it's not happening. He has told his DM that it's not appropriate to share with his three nephews, but they are adamant they want to and they always get what they want. This is the reason we no longer want to participate in holidays

OP posts:
Fraaahnces · 02/04/2024 12:08

Fuck that for a game of soldiers. Fuck that holiday. Sounds utter awful. Go to Greece or something. No family allowed.

DragonFly98 · 02/04/2024 12:05

The kids can share with grandma.