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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not want to share a room on holiday with MIL

230 replies

seeitthroughmyeyes · 02/04/2024 12:01

My LT fiancé's parents kindly paid for all of us to go to new forest this year with his three nephews, sister, her husband and his parents. The three nephews are an absolute pain, they are badly behaved, rude and irritating.

I've now been told I'm no longer going to be sharing a room with my fiancé as the three boys want to share a room with their uncle. Obviously, I'm not happy sharing a room with my MIL for 4 days, although I love her to bits. I'm a grown adult.
Both my fiancé and me have agreed we no longer want to do family holidays with them because it's exhausting and we aren't exactly a big fan of children, albeit they are family.

AIBU for not wanting to share a room with my MIL and no longer wanting to participate in family holidays with them?
If so, how do we go about telling them in the future we no longer want to join without upsetting them.

OP posts:
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BellaCiaoBellaCiao · 26/11/2024 07:45

Fraaahnces · 02/04/2024 12:08

Fuck that for a game of soldiers. Fuck that holiday. Sounds utter awful. Go to Greece or something. No family allowed.

That made me laugh 😆

YerArseInParsley · 22/06/2024 16:45

Ffs, why do people get stuck in these situations??

Just tell mil there's no way that's happening. U should have said that at the time. I can't believe so many people just don't speak up and need to resort to here for advice. Sorry I don't mean to be harsh but grow a backbone.

Needanewname42 · 16/05/2024 07:17

@seeitthroughmyeyes How did the trip go?

Newestname002 · 11/04/2024 19:09

seeitthroughmyeyes · 10/04/2024 17:39

Just a quick catch up, MIL has said she understands, but she didn't think it would be an issue. I've stepped in and told her it's not acceptable to allow the children to choose where they sleep. We are adults and shouldn't have to bow down to a 4 year old child, I'm sleeping with DF and that's final. And the fact we shouldn't even be debating this, I feel like a 10 year old.
We go away three weeks today, so I will keep you all updated as to how it goes. I have a feeling me and DF will be leaving early...

Good update OP. And of course you now know to nip further family holiday plans firmly in the bud from now on. If they book without getting agreement with you in future it's their money and their loss. Stand firm for this holiday - I can see you being asked to make compromises neither you or your fiancé had considered. 🌹

Compash · 11/04/2024 10:53

Thanks for the update! Look forward to hearing how it went, but hope it strengthens the united front of you and your fiancé whatever happens.

SofaSpuds · 10/04/2024 19:17

Good outcome @seeitthroughmyeyes, well done 👏

Enjoy gif trip!

diddl · 10/04/2024 19:14

I have a feeling me and DF will be leaving early...

A distinct possibility if everything is centred around the kids & you get pressured not to have ime away just the two of you.

Needanewname42 · 10/04/2024 18:12

Good update. I'd still have a Plan B sorted. Because you can guarantee things will change again between now and then

I still cannot work the rooms out.
3 kids in one room
Their parents
MIL
FIL

Where are you guys going ? Or is the current plan
MIL & 3 Kids.
The parents
Op & DP
FIL

It's still pretty daft to have 4 people in one room

AGodawfulsmallaffair · 10/04/2024 17:55

seeitthroughmyeyes · 10/04/2024 17:39

Just a quick catch up, MIL has said she understands, but she didn't think it would be an issue. I've stepped in and told her it's not acceptable to allow the children to choose where they sleep. We are adults and shouldn't have to bow down to a 4 year old child, I'm sleeping with DF and that's final. And the fact we shouldn't even be debating this, I feel like a 10 year old.
We go away three weeks today, so I will keep you all updated as to how it goes. I have a feeling me and DF will be leaving early...

Excellent update! Start as you mean to go on!

AGodawfulsmallaffair · 10/04/2024 17:44

seeitthroughmyeyes · 02/04/2024 12:09

Honestly, we haven't really discussed it. My MIL is quite... demanding. Me and my partner didn't really discuss it as we assumed it's something that will be quickly forgotten by the time we go, but it got brought up again over the Easter weekend.

I said to him, it's not happening. He has told his DM that it's not appropriate to share with his three nephews, but they are adamant they want to and they always get what they want. This is the reason we no longer want to participate in holidays

Well they won’t get what they want this time, unless mil doesn’t mind if your fiancé pops in for a cheeky fuck now and again.

Wexone · 10/04/2024 17:41

Wohoo a good update OP

Original poster
seeitthroughmyeyes · 10/04/2024 17:39

Just a quick catch up, MIL has said she understands, but she didn't think it would be an issue. I've stepped in and told her it's not acceptable to allow the children to choose where they sleep. We are adults and shouldn't have to bow down to a 4 year old child, I'm sleeping with DF and that's final. And the fact we shouldn't even be debating this, I feel like a 10 year old.
We go away three weeks today, so I will keep you all updated as to how it goes. I have a feeling me and DF will be leaving early...

OP posts:
Goodtogossip · 09/04/2024 14:06

If you feel you can't get out of the holiday this time without big upset then go & on arrival you & DF claim your room together. If the kids play up let their parents deal with them. Stick to your guns & don't back down if they say the nephews want to stay with their uncle. Just say, ' Yes I too want to spend time with him' I hope your DF has your back & doesn't let them get their own way.

Nanaof1 · 06/04/2024 09:11

ZombiesAreClammyDodgers · 04/04/2024 02:30

Eh, two days isn't a big deal. I agree it sets the tone for the future but OP needs to choose her battles. It wouldn't have made a huge difference to me personally although I wouldn't have loved it.

Show quote history

How did you get two days? I thought it was for four days?

Thankfully, her DP isn't falling for the "nephew room sharing" scam.

I would just say, "No" and not waste valuable holiday time doing something that isn't even for you and DP.

Grammarnut · 04/04/2024 14:47

Tell the not dear nephews that this time they are not getting what they want and that life sucks that way so they'd better get used to it. Also, go on a different holiday.

slippedonabanana · 04/04/2024 14:07

I doubt the nephews are actually desperate to share with their uncle. That's the MIL manufacturing some excuse to cover the fact the house doesn't have enough bedrooms for the group. It's a holiday for the children and their parents. Sneaky to try to pass it off as a Christmas gift to her son and his girlfriend also when there's no room for them.

diddl · 04/04/2024 13:19

It depends on the ages of the kids really doesn't it?

I mean if they could all sleep in with their uncle then why couldn't they all sleep in with their granny or grandad?

Or Mil & Sil share & the kids are in with their dad?

Or one or two in with MIL or one or two in with their parents.

There's probably enough permutations to bring it down to 4 bedrooms without splitting Op & her fiance.

If Op & her fiance don't go that is surely a bedroom spare?

Needanewname42 · 04/04/2024 12:11

Purplebunnie · 04/04/2024 11:23

Not read everyones comments so not sure if someone else has said this but I am a bit confused here. Why does OP have to share a room with MIL? Surely the room that was "booked" for OP and her fiance would be empty so OP could sleep in there on her own? I think MIL has not booked a property with enough rooms and this is her way of dealing with her mistake

Yes the property just doesn't have enough rooms. Really they are one possibly two bedrooms short.
FIL
MIL
Op / DP
SIL / BIL
2 kids
1 kid

Which is a 6 bedroom property. I can't think of any holiday accommodation other than 'family hotel rooms' that routinely sleep more than 2 people, excluding cots in parents rooms.

@seeitthroughmyeyes does one of the rooms actually sleep 4 people or are they planning on a couple of campbeds or baby in a cot?

Purplebunnie · 04/04/2024 11:23

Not read everyones comments so not sure if someone else has said this but I am a bit confused here. Why does OP have to share a room with MIL? Surely the room that was "booked" for OP and her fiance would be empty so OP could sleep in there on her own? I think MIL has not booked a property with enough rooms and this is her way of dealing with her mistake

2Rebecca · 04/04/2024 11:17

Agree. At work only one of us can take time off at a time. No one would book a fixed holiday for me. That sounds very strange and the sort of thing someone who has never worked would do.

canyouseemyhousefromhere · 04/04/2024 09:26

Didn't it cross her mind that you wouldn't be able to book that time off work or that you had already booked your own holiday?

TheseLegsDefinitelyUsedToBeLonger · 04/04/2024 06:58

Tatas · 02/04/2024 12:23

I agree with the message PP typed before!

Also why do the children get to make this huge decision?! Not in my world, that's bonkers. Does your DP even want to do it?

You could wind MIL up and tell her that's perfect, she can try your new sleep routine? Where you share your hopes and dreams together listening to 1 hour of fairly loud whale music followed by some tantric chanting and finally a sound bath played on loop during sleep hours? Oh and you also must sleep with all windows and doors open, in a north west facing bed with only 100% silk sheets.

This... is perfect. Just inspired Grin Bravo @Tatas !

RampantIvy · 04/04/2024 06:49

KeeeeeepDancing · 04/04/2024 04:13

Excellent advice. I second this.

Show quote history

And I third it.

KeeeeeepDancing · 04/04/2024 04:13

LifeExperience · 04/04/2024 02:57

I would refuse to go. Life is too short, OP. It is controlling and highly manipulative for them to plan your vacation and give it to you as a gift. I wouldn't be willing to waste my vacation days and I certainly wouldn't be dictated to by spoiled children. Set firm boundaries now, BEFORE you get married, and if your fiance has a problem with that, don't marry him.

Excellent advice. I second this.

LifeExperience · 04/04/2024 02:57

I would refuse to go. Life is too short, OP. It is controlling and highly manipulative for them to plan your vacation and give it to you as a gift. I wouldn't be willing to waste my vacation days and I certainly wouldn't be dictated to by spoiled children. Set firm boundaries now, BEFORE you get married, and if your fiance has a problem with that, don't marry him.