To not want to pay for my bridesmaid dress?

Maybe in the USA. UK its at the Brides expense. Maybe why we don't see so many huge bridal parties here

I paid for my bridesmaid dresses, their make up and hair. They bought their own shoes. I’d never of asked them to buy their own.

Never paid for a bridesmaid dress (or shoes/accessories/makeup) and I paid for the bridesmaid dresses and accessories etc at my wedding. If you don’t want the expense of bridesmaids…then don’t have them - think bride is a cf.

Haven’t RTWT but, with all these repeat bridesmaids, whatever happened to “Three times a bridesmaid, never a bride”?

It seems to be the norm in America, but in the UK its not the done thing at all.

I'd decline, OP. YANBU at all. If someone wants you in their wedding party, they buy your dress.

YANBU, especially if the bride is choosing the dress and it's not one you'd wear again.

For my wedding in 2019 I paid for both bridesmaids dresses and the flower girl’s dress. Paid for all hair and makeup. Got gifts for them all (earrings for BMs, necklace for FG). Paid for shoes for the FG. BMs provided their own shoes but I only asked for them to be silver and both already some heels they were comfortable using.

I think I would decline the invite!

I've been a BM 4 times and never had to buy a dress. I would not be happy about that.

I lost a friendship because I let my bm pay for her shoes and bag (my other bm suggested it not me) I bought her dress and I said she could keep it to sell or whatever. She decided to be angry behind my back, not tell me until after the wedding, but spent my wedding announcing her engagement and being off with me.
Just tell the bride! You shouldn't be paying for the dress.

My son is getting married in August with 8 bridesmaids. He has paid for all their dresses. 6 adult bridesmaids,1 junior bridesmaid,1 flower girl and he has paid for his best mans suit. He would never ask them to pay.

Depends. If you get to choose the dress, you pay. If bride chooses the dress (even a choice of), bride pays.

Not in the UK it’s not.

In the States it’s normal.

It seems like this comment should start, “In the US…” because it’s often the tradition there.

I was a bridesmaid exactly once in the US, for one of my “closest” university mates. I paid a fortune for the ugliest dress you’ve ever seen, and she never talked to any of her university friends again after the wedding because she was too focused on being married to an arsehole.

So no, don’t pay for the dress unless you pick it.

Not where I'm from!! Where I'm from the bridesmaid's don't pay a penny. And I'm from a UK country!

Only in America. Tradition in the UK is that the bride’s parents pay (since this dates from the days when it was expected they’d pay for most of the wedding).

A gift (like a silver bracelet or necklace) was also traditionally given to thank the bridesmaids.

Bride pays unless it's a wear what you already have type wedding.

I'm getting married this year and paying for everything

I think the bride should pay.

I certainly paid for my bridesmaids dresses. And hair and makeup and everything else that went along with being a bridesmaid.

I was bridesmaid to my sister though and she insisted I should pay for my own dress. So I insisted on choosing my own dress (I was the only adult bridesmaid so it wasn't like I had to match with anyone else). She wasn't happy at first but she came round. There was no way I was going to wear the awful peach, frilly, get up she wanted me to wear AND pay for it too!

If you are in the USA that seems standard. In the UK it is not the tradition and a bit cheeky fuckery to be honest.

No, it’s not. I had four bridesmaids. I bought all the dresses, shoes, jewelry (that was a gift to say thank you (a simple gold chain with a pearl pendant)), makeup, hair and pearl pin hair accessories. In terms of ‘the look’ two of the bridesmaids had their dresses altered at their own expense, though I did offer to pay for the alterations. Being a bridesmaid is an honour, and should not be a burden. I don’t think bridesmaids should incur expenses beyond what it would cost to be a regular guest.

Surely tradition is the bridesmaid gets her dress paid for by the bride or brides parents. My Dad paid for all bridesmaids dresses, shoes, headbands and for their hairdresser too.

In the US it’s standard. I think it’s awful and wouldn’t dream of doing it.

I've been a bridesmaid 5 times and my children have been flower girls twice - always had to buy our own dresses but have also had sensible brides who haven't gone wild with their choices. My bridesmaids bought their own dresses too and it never occurred to me until now that this wasn't the norm! 😳

I think shoes and accessories were either less prescriptive or gifts, and hair/make-up were optional extras.

I have been bridesmaid 3 times as an adult, dress chosen and bought by the bride. I got married last year, chose and bought my bridesmaids dresses. I paid for hair, I asked them to bring shoes as the dresses were long so I didn’t mind what anyone wore. They all bought new but it wasn’t a requirement. I provided jewellery and bags for them. They paid for makeup but it wasn’t compulsory and was explained early on in the process due to budget, would have loved to pay for their makeup too but it would have doubled the cost!
I am going to be bridesmaid later in the year and the bride made me aware before committing that we would be purchasing our own dresses and that if I couldn’t financially commit then there would be no hard feelings. She has American family so I think her wedding is leaning toward what would be more American than British if that makes sense.
She has given a very broad colour palette to choose from and has requested a particular material but I have been able to find plenty of choices for £30-£50 which is not beyond what I would pay as a guest. We are also buying shoes but no specifications for these so I could even use some I already own. She is paying for hair and makeup. She is having 8 bridesmaids.

I think if you are paying for the bridesmaid dress as the bridesmaid then the bride shouldn’t be able to dictate a specific dress at a high cost, it’s not fair. Giving a colour/style is understandable for a cohesive look but more than that I wouldn’t be happy to be honest.

@RoderickHosclassicblackhoodie

Tradition is that bridesmaids pay for their own dress.

Being a bridesmaid is fucking expensive.

No. Never was. What has become the tradition is so many brides wanting an Insta, glossy mag, celebrity style wedding that they can't afford so expecting everyone else to pay for it for them.

I mean if there's one saving grace, at least these two brides aren't asking their guests to pay for the privilege of attending. (Well not yet anyway. I suppose there's time...)

Depends where you're from. In the UK, traditionally bridesmaid dresses are bought by the bride (or the bride's family back before couples started paying for their own weddings)