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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not want to pay for my bridesmaid dress?

364 replies

MrsB777 · 01/04/2024 16:36

I've been asked to be a bridesmaid for two weddings this year, both of which I need to purchase my own dress for. The dresses that have been chosen range from £100-130.

AIBU to think that if someone asks me to be in their wedding, then they should pay for the dress? I've been a bridesmaid previously and the bride bought my dress.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 02/04/2024 00:36

MrsB777 · 01/04/2024 22:35

I think the issue for one of the weddings is, the bride has decided to choose ten bridesmaids, and has now realised she can't afford dresses for us all!

We are also paying for our own hair, make up and shoes. She is providing jewellery for us.

Then you're all nuts if you're prepared to pay for her Insta wedding

NewName24 · 02/04/2024 00:34

MrsB777 · 01/04/2024 22:35

I think the issue for one of the weddings is, the bride has decided to choose ten bridesmaids, and has now realised she can't afford dresses for us all!

We are also paying for our own hair, make up and shoes. She is providing jewellery for us.

Does she not realise that the bridesmaid is a person close to the bride who is asked to help her get ready on the day.
How can 10 people possibly be anything other than a hindrance.

How can she have only just realised that buying 10 dresses was clearly going to cost a lot of money ?? Confused

EsmeSusanOgg · 02/04/2024 00:17

RoderickHosclassicblackhoodie · 01/04/2024 16:46

Tradition is that bridesmaids pay for their own dress.

Being a bridesmaid is fucking expensive.

Not in the UK

RosalindFranklin13 · 02/04/2024 00:17

It's the British custom for the bride to pay for bridesmaids' dresses, right? If so, I would absolutely decline to pay for a bridesmaid's dress if I were you.

MissSookieStackhouse · 02/04/2024 00:09

I’d be declining both of the invites, particularly the one who wants 10 bridesmaids! It’s not a difficult maths calculation, so why is she now surprised at the cost? Why should you pay through the nose for a dress you may never wear again, or which may not even suit your shape/colouring? It would be a ‘no thanks’ from me.

user1471522343 · 02/04/2024 00:09

Tradition is that bridesmaids pay for their own dress.

no it’s not!!!

Lifebeganat50 · 02/04/2024 00:03

RoderickHosclassicblackhoodie · 01/04/2024 16:46

Tradition is that bridesmaids pay for their own dress.

Being a bridesmaid is fucking expensive.

I’ve never heard of that in my life!

FlamingoFloss · 02/04/2024 00:01

RoderickHosclassicblackhoodie · 01/04/2024 16:46

Tradition is that bridesmaids pay for their own dress.

Being a bridesmaid is fucking expensive.

Not a tradition I have EVER heard of. I’ve never bought my own bridesmaid dress and I bought the dresses for my bridesmaids when I got married too

saltinesandcoffeecups · 01/04/2024 23:55

Finally a tradition that you can blame on the Americans 🤣

Yes this is a thing here and nobody really likes it. But it perpetuates.

FTR… when I was married I had 1 BM and a MOH, I told them to wear what they wanted. They both had black dresses and asked if I was ok with that and I told them since I wasn’t paying they could wear chicken suits if that’s what they wanted 🤣

Lunde · 01/04/2024 23:49

RoderickHosclassicblackhoodie · 01/04/2024 16:46

Tradition is that bridesmaids pay for their own dress.

Being a bridesmaid is fucking expensive.

Not in the UK

Although it has been a US tradition that has started to catch on

Copperoliverbear · 01/04/2024 23:19

Sorry I'm going to decline.

KevinMcAllistereatsyellowsnow · 01/04/2024 23:03

As far as UK tradition, the Bride's parents would cover the wedding costs for the Bride and her bridesmaids, including dresses, shoes, hair, and accommodation. The Groom and groomsmen's costs (suit hire etc) would be covered by his parents.
Obviously times change and more couples are paying for their own weddings, but it's still seen as gauche to make bridesmaids pay for dresses that are chosen for them.
I was once a bridesmaid where the bride bought a bolt of material and a dress pattern for us to get our dresses made up ourselves. Another where the bride stipulated a black dress and shoes, then gave us £100 each to buy our own style and "top up" ourselves if we wanted. She did buy us all matching jewellery too. Both of these are a bit strange and not the normal done thing though.

pinkmushroom5 · 01/04/2024 23:01

If the bride/ groom are going to require anyone to wear a specific outfit for their wedding, they need to pay for/ provide it.

Tel12 · 01/04/2024 22:57

I've never heard of bridesmaids buying their own dresses. By definition you're only wearing it once and someone else is telling you what they want, so they pay! I would politely decline.

JackSpaniels · 01/04/2024 22:55

RoderickHosclassicblackhoodie · 01/04/2024 16:46

Tradition is that bridesmaids pay for their own dress.

Being a bridesmaid is fucking expensive.

No it isnt
Tradition is that groom pays for the bridesmaid dresses
Or more recently the bride (or parents do)

HummingbirdChandelier · 01/04/2024 22:54

YANBU. Weddings bring out the worst in some brides

Allofaflutter · 01/04/2024 22:54

It’s not just the dress not being paid for that has come from across the pond but also paying thousands for hen dos. Stupid all round.

MartinsSpareCalculator · 01/04/2024 22:53

Even when the bride is just stipulating a colour as opposed to a specific dress she should pay for bridesmaid dresses.

I don't actually want a dress in sage green, burnt orange, aubergine or some other god awful colour dress I wouldn't ever choose, so I definitely don't want to pay for one.

If it is literally a case of wear whatever you like then fine.

DappledThings · 01/04/2024 22:49

MrsB777 · 01/04/2024 22:35

I think the issue for one of the weddings is, the bride has decided to choose ten bridesmaids, and has now realised she can't afford dresses for us all!

We are also paying for our own hair, make up and shoes. She is providing jewellery for us.

10 bridesmaids is completely ridiculous. And will look it.

yikesanotherbooboo · 01/04/2024 22:45

The Band G cannot expect their attendants to be out of pocket. This is a bit like the destination wedding scenario or those country house weddings where the guests have to stay at the venue at great expense; in order to have the wedding of their dreams the costs are passed on to the guests. It's really not on.

Theroadnottravelled · 01/04/2024 22:42

MrsB777 · 01/04/2024 22:35

I think the issue for one of the weddings is, the bride has decided to choose ten bridesmaids, and has now realised she can't afford dresses for us all!

We are also paying for our own hair, make up and shoes. She is providing jewellery for us.

10 is ridiculous and unnecessary. She needs telling.

Tempnamechng · 01/04/2024 22:41

RoderickHosclassicblackhoodie · 01/04/2024 16:46

Tradition is that bridesmaids pay for their own dress.

Being a bridesmaid is fucking expensive.

Not in the UK. Buying your own bridesmaids dress is an American thing.

Rycbar · 01/04/2024 22:39

RoderickHosclassicblackhoodie · 01/04/2024 16:46

Tradition is that bridesmaids pay for their own dress.

Being a bridesmaid is fucking expensive.

It isn’t though.. not in the UK. Brides normally pay for their bridesmaids dresses

bellezarara · 01/04/2024 22:39

MrsB777 · 01/04/2024 22:35

I think the issue for one of the weddings is, the bride has decided to choose ten bridesmaids, and has now realised she can't afford dresses for us all!

We are also paying for our own hair, make up and shoes. She is providing jewellery for us.

Tell her to leave the jewellery and provide dresses. And do your own hair and make up.

She wants a champagne wedding on a lemonade budget. Rein her in.

Original poster
MrsB777 · 01/04/2024 22:35

I think the issue for one of the weddings is, the bride has decided to choose ten bridesmaids, and has now realised she can't afford dresses for us all!

We are also paying for our own hair, make up and shoes. She is providing jewellery for us.

OP posts: