To not want to pay for my bridesmaid dress?

No the groom buys them that’s the traditional way

For all you UK experts on the US, brides expecting or demanding their bridesmaids pay for their dresses, etc. — it’s NOT customary or normal.
It’s trashy and uncouth and brides worldwide do it because they don’t know any better or they want weddings they can’t afford.
Please stop generalising an entire country of women.
I don’t know a single solitary person who asked their bridesmaids to purchase their dresses and I’m in California. And I’m old.
Wow.

I paid for my bridesmaids dresses when I got married. And when I have been a bridesmaid it was paid for by the ones getting married.
the only time I paid for it was when my sister was getting married. They were doing it in a budget and couldn’t afford to. Me and our other sister said we would pay for our own dresses if she did want us as bridesmaids otherwise she would have just not had them!!

It is certainly not “standard in the USA.”
What it seems standard for is brides and their mothers who are uncouth and who don’t have the slightest idea of what is or what isn’t good manners.
And that’s worldwide.

Not in the UK it isn’t

I’m honestly baffled at the number of people claiming it isn’t tradition in the UK. Maybe not in the past, but it’s certainly become a lot more common to make your bridesmaids pay!

The general theme seems to be -
a) bride picks dresses, bridesmaids have no choice in style and bride pays for them
b) bridesmaids choose own dress and pay.

I’ve been/am being a bridesmaid 3 times in the last 4 years and I’ve paid/am paying for my own dress! And yes I am in the UK. We are all picking our own dresses for each of these, which seems to becoming more popular. I also have friends who have got married recently and I would say it was a 50/50 split of them being paid for or not.

No it really isn’t. Bridesmaid dresses come out of the wedding budget!

I would say if the bride is choosing the dress she should pay, if you get to choose you pay.

if it had been reversed and my best friend had said to me they couldn’t afford bridesmaids, I would have paid for my own things or discussed it and found a compromise rather than letting them have no bridesmaids!

I had already bought my own dress for one of my bridesmaids’ weddings so assumed this was what was done, but thought it would be good to contribute. Obviously reading this thread I was naive but I’d only been a bridesmaid once and as I said, I’d had to pay for my own dress! We’d chosen it together just as I did with my bridesmaids and she never suggested paying for it. I was just happy to be a part of the wedding so just bought it and didn’t question it. But can understand if you’re a bridesmaid a lot or the wedding is otherwise very expensive or the dress selected is very expensive then it would be an issue, but surely if you’re close enough to someone to be a bridesmaid then you would be close enough to explain the cost is too much and come to a compromise or something?

I assume your UK... and yes its super tacky to expect the bridesmaids to pay.

Just turn them down, if they ask why tell them.

Also someone always make arguments about 'you would pay the same as a guest for an outfit' or 'its in lieu of a gift' but absoloutly not. I don't think I have ever paid more than £20 for an outfit as a guest and key point is I didn't have to at all... I could have wore one of the many other suitable dresses I had (and I have done that before so not spent anything). I have also never gifted £130 at a wedding, thats more than my own wedding dress cost.

Feel what you like love, it bloody is rude! Whether they offered or not, I’d have been mortified accepting. Dont have BMs if you can’t afford it.

Me too.

10 bridesmaids?! Ridiculous, especially if she's not buying the dresses, etc

She wants a look that she absolutely cannot afford and expects everyone else to fund for her as it's 'her special day'.

Just decline. Say you'd prefer to be a guest.

I've never heard of the bridesmaid having to pay for her own dress. I was always lead to believe that it was just a part of the budget, like the cake, photographer, flowers etc

Never heard that 'tradition' before. I paid for my bridesmaids and my children have been bms also - and been given their dresses.

No traditionally bride and groom pay for any outfits if they have asked the person to be part of their wedding.

I think there are so many different expectations from brides for weddings. And I think it all depends on budgets.
If I was asked to be a bridesmaid, I would definitely ask up front what it entails and what is it going to cost?
Because there might be a hen party. There's probably hotel accommodation and travel to pay for. Bride and Groom might also expect a gift or contribution to their honeymoon. And that old bridesmaid dress dilemma- who's paying?
You could talk to the other bridesmaids and maybe there are even bridemaid's dresses to rent - like the new trend in rent an evening gown?
You really need the how much is it going to cost chat with the bride?
And you should never agree to be a bridesmaid, unless you know what it is going to cost you - time and money.

That's crazy. Tell them if the can't afford dresses, hair & make up, they can't afford 10 bridesmaids

I've never paid for any of those things when I was a bridesmaid (twice) or let my bridesmaids pay for them.

I paid for my own shoes once as bridezilla bought us all stilettos that I couldn't walk in

In the U.K. tradition is the Brides family pay for the bridesmaid dresses.

I paid for all my bridesmaids dresses and accessories.

My chief bridesmaid provided her own shoes as she had a gorgeous pair anyway.

I think it’s rude to ask someone to be bridesmaid and not pay for it all.

I hired mine and all I stipulated was the colour they could choose whatever style they liked it meant everyone was comfortable in something that flattered their shape win all round

I have been a bridesmaid several times

never paid for a dress but it’s still a massive pain in the ass. Im glad im too old for that now

Drop out. Honestly pointless

UK here 👋🏼 I’m getting married and will be buying the bridesmaid dresses…don’t think I’ve ever heard of having to buy your own?

As a guest they’d have to buy an outfit, but that would be a lot cheaper than a bridesmaid dress so no i wouldn’t expect them to pay. Weddings already cost enough for guests with hotel/gift/drinks/time off work etc!

Tradition in which country? According to Google, in the Uk it’s the bride who pays. I have been a bridesmaid 3 times and never paid for a dress.
I would decline on financial grounds op.

Meh, I don’t feel it’s rude. I was happy to buy my own dress when I was a bridesmaid so I thought this was reasonable. I even think of of the bridesmaids suggested it but I can’t remember??? And yes in England. They didn’t really have much else in terms of expense! It wasn’t an extravagant wedding or hen.