To not want to pay for my bridesmaid dress?

That makes sense, and it was kind of you to offer her the money back.

I don't think anyone should be paying for an outfit they hate. But I do think brides should consider letting go of the tradition that bridesmaids all have to be matchy-matchy. If BMs were allowed to choose what they wore, they could spend according to their budget (maybe even wearing something they already own, imagine!) and get something they liked.

But if they'd paid for the dress themselves and hated it, it'd still be hanging there unworn. Or, if they'd got something they liked, they'd rewear it.

I sold mine. Bride had originally bought it. I checked with her if it was okay as I was unlikely to wear it again, and asked if she'd like the money I got for it, as weddings are so expensive.

When my daughters have been bridesmaids the bride paid for the dresses any alterations bridesmaid paid also contributed to hair and makeup costs.
theyve been lucky they liked the dresses .

Hmm. I wonder: of all the people on this thread who've insisted that brides must choose and pay, how many have dresses hanging unworn in their wardrobes, in a style and colour that don't really suit them?

I hope it fuckin doesn't - dresses don't have to go to waste - loads can be bought second hand or sold off after. One of mine was worn by a cousin for her prom. If bride and groom wants a wedding with certain things in it ect then they pay for it. They don't have to have bridesmaids or flower girls if they don't want or cant afford it. Its up there with asking people to pay for their meal. Don't arrange something you cant afford, you can go and elope of have a town hall wedding with two complete strangers if you want
I bet people who think that bridesmaids should pay for their dresses are the same people who will be saying that grandparents should provide full time childcare for free on tap. They expect things for nothing

Its bad manners - if you want something you pay for it simples !!!!!

It’s not a weird tradition that the person getting married, asking people to be bridesmaids pays for the dresses etc for the wedding. I agree that it’s nice if dresses can be used more than once but asking someone to be a bridesmaid and expecting them to pay for the dress etc is extremely rude and CF IMO.

lol ok

Your last paragraph wreaks of snobbery and self importance at it’s finest.

Interesting note - it’s actually the wealthier middle class people who have made their bridesmaids/me pay that I know of. The more working class or ‘poorer’ as you describe are the ones who have paid for the dresses as a bride. In my experience which you find so hard to believe, of course.

Anyway, OP. In my varied world, sadly I have come across bridesmaids being made to pay. I don’t necessarily agree with it and if it’s something you don’t want to do, I would certainly voice it. Especially if you don’t even have the freedom to choose your own and at your own price range.

Can you get a dupe from Shein?

How on earth is pointing out that as a collective of posters we are all different classes, backgrounds and areas 'icky'? lol

I can guarantee a middle class woman living down in London has many world views wildly different to mine but the fact so many here are in agreement I would wager a very fair guess at least a few are from such varied differences to my upbringing.

That's just fact, somethings like basic manners and standard etiquette are universal across even the classic separators like class and location divides. North or South, Rich or Poor its still tacky.

Hahahaha Christ, you really are a miserable person aren’t you? 😂 bringing up class is really icky of you…

Old tradition yes, brides pay for everything. New tradition, brides ARE letting their bridesmaids pick their dresses and pay. I’m not making up some strange lie. Traditions can change and flex, GASP!

Now before you jump down my throat again, I’m not saying I agree with it - I am paying for all my bridesmaids. I was merely stating it’s becoming a lot more common, not just amongst my friends and family who I keep terrible company with (working, middle and upper middle class if you must know) but also half of the female population I am aware with of whom I don’t keep company with.

130 big ones! No chance. She's having a laugh.

I've also always paid for my own dresses when I've been a bridesmaid, although I always got to pick them. Some I wore again many times.

Hopefully this weird "tradition" of the bride paying, and the outfits then going to waste, is dying out

people claiming it isn’t tradition in the UK. Maybe not in the past,

I don't think you know what tradition means.

Also just because you have really rude friends doesn't prove that being cheap is 'common now' it just says a lot about the company you keep (not something to brag about).

The fact everyone is saying this (people from all different classes, areas and backgrounds) isn't baffling at all it is because its true. The fact everyone is in agreement should of cottoned you on but instead you oddly doubled down with an argument that doesn't even make sense.

I was once asked to be a bridesmaid… then later I was told I’d have to pay for my own outfit, hair, makeup, etc….
my view was that I wasn’t getting to choose what I wore or how I had my hair so I shouldn’t be paying for it myself….

Seems like she’s realised 10 is too many and is hoping people will drop out …

In my case I declined and told her I couldn’t afford to be her bridesmaid. At least the outfit I bought for the wedding could be worn again and I chose my own hairstyle. The bridesmaids outfits actually weren’t very nice and I’m so glad I didn’t have to wear it!

I have been a bridesmaid 3 times and have never been expected to buy my own dress.

Yanbu. So cheeky to ask a bridesmaid to pay for a dress where she hasn’t chosen the dress or the price. The only exception might be where the bride says “choose whatever dress you like in x,y, or z colour” that you’ll be happy to wear again to other events.

I bought my bridesmaids dresses and their sandals. I paid for their hair and makeup to be done as well. I have never heard of a bridesmaid paying for their own dresses.

That would be a polite no thank you.

If she has picked your dress she should pay for it. As others have said, it won’t stop at the dress, hair, make up, shoes, etc etc.

Bride is a CF getting everyone to pay for what she thinks will look great on Insta. In reality will look like My Big Fat Gyspy Wedding. Hideous.

I’ve never heard of this tradition? Paid for my bridesmaids, wouldn’t dream of asking them to fork out. And bought them a gift to thank them for their support.

It’s bad enough that people feel forced to shell out for hen do’s/hotel stays/expensive gifts etc when people get married.

Funny that you assume I’ve never lived in the US. I have. I have family members who are US citizens who live there permanently.

I stand by what I said. You can ‘wow’ as much as you like.

@CaliGurl

I stand by my statement.

if it had been reversed and my best friend had said to me they couldn’t afford bridesmaids, I would have paid for my own things or discussed it and found a compromise rather than letting them have no bridesmaids!

Absolutely, this happens at weddings sometimes, but that isn't what we are talking about here. The OP has been asked to be a prop at some sort of 'Instagram wedding' where there are to be 10 bridesmaids, BUT the B&G can't actually afford the big, showy "all for the photos" wedding they want, so are trying to palm costs off onto all sorts of people (I'm going to presume, if there are 10 'bridesmaids' then there are also likely to be a similar amount of men being asked to but themselves new matching suits too ??).
IMO that is a long way from a bride saying she isn't going to have anyone help her on the day, because she can't afford to buy them a dress.

Really?
Of course I won't presume - I've only paid for my own dress once when I was BM at an American wedding.
But everyone assured me it was the norm

Also it's what most sites say
https://www.marthastewart.com/7856923/bridesmaid-etiquette-expenses
https://www.theknot.com/content/what-bridesmaids-pay-for
https://onefabday.com/who-pays-for-bridesmaids-dresses/#:~:text=In%20the%20US%2C%20the%20tradition,she%20chooses%20for%20her%20girls.

https://www.reddit.com/r/wedding/comments/18j3s6j/isit_normal_for_bridesmaids_to_pay_for_their_own/

I see mixed links on this here in the UK!
'Traditionally' BM's pay however it also seems that the BM's in question are little children. Not expected for adult BM's to pay however it's becoming more common.

Also brides worldwide don't do it purely because bridesmaids don't exist in all cultures...

Bride and groom have always paid for the bridesmaid dresses and suits at all but one of the weddings I’ve been to (including my own).

My daughter was a bridesmaid once, though, and I had to pay for her dress. I was quite cross that I was also expected to do her hair (I am not a hairdresser) and when I did a rubbish job of it, the bride got all huffy and made a point of shoving a handful of cash at the hairdresser (who was doing all the other bridesmaids!) so that my daughter’s could also be done.

The bride and groom are now divorced, and I am not surprised.