To not want to pay for my bridesmaid dress?

I had to pay for my shoes, I was a student and skint - but too embarrassed to admit I didn't have the money for shoes to match the dress.

Weddings are for the B&G and they should have the humility to not assume every guest is thrilled to spend a fortune - weddings shouldn’t cost the guests the Earth. If you can’t afford the Princess day you want then cut your cloth accordingly, don’t make your guests subsidise it

I don’t see them as a burden either.

Why would you when they’re contributing to the financial running of your party

A wedding isn’t a need, so what is your point?

you don’t need a wedding to be married at all.

there’s no such thing as a “need” at a wedding. People do things because they want to. Nothing else to it.

I’ve been bridesmaid a few times in the UK and never had to pay for my own dress. I was to sort my own shoes or jewellery which I already had plenty of.

Tell them to do one - it’s not ok to have a wedding you can’t afford and then offload the cost onto others.

A family member on DH side had our kids as bridesmaids and then sent me a bill. I'm still fuming about it now.

What’s your point? Are weddings meant to be free?

not sure why you’re so upset about an event you’re not invited to lol relax.

My friends and family don’t hate me lol I am loved by people who don’t see that expense as a burden lol and I don’t see them as a burden either.

I can’t speak for you and your circle.

Sounds like you’ve never been loved. Sad.

Not in the UK it’s not - certainly until recently.

Why is lounge wear a ‘need’ - has the law changed that you need it to get married?

They probably don’t want their hair and makeup don’t because they have deduced their bride is a CF who makes them pay for everything and they’ve already shelled out for their dresses.

Also you on a budget to the point you can’t afford bridesmaid dresses but there’s a free bar? So the women important to you have to lose out financially but random family members can sink as much free booze as they like.

Im guessing it’s on of those weddings where a couple want to appear to be having a lavish expensive wedding but actually that’s not the case at all because other people are out of pocket for their party

None of them wanted their hair and make up professionally done.

very few things in a wedding is needed, people buy them because they want to.

loungewear is a need for me and my bridal party.

I can’t speak for others.

Good point.

@MissDeeDeeLove claims if she had to pay for BM dresses she wouldn’t have had bridesmaids at all As she can’t afford dresses… but she does buy them some tacky pyjamas for equally tacky photos.

I wonder how such entitled people find and maintain friendships when they’re such pisstakers

They’re getting free drinks, free meal and an open bar at a high end establishment surrounded by family and friends they are familiar with lol my people don’t hate me, so yes, it is a treat.

And to celebrate YOUR choice they will pay for:

• New outfits
• accomodation and transport
• wedding present
• possibly a hen and stag do to pay for
• possibly childcare and/or time off work

No. Very few people actually give a fuck about your day, they come along because it’s the polite and correct thing to do. They will fork out WAY more to be part of your day then they will get back in terms of a meal, which is all they benefit from in terms of finances.

I love the people in my life largely because they aren’t entitled twats, and I go to weddings to celebrate their life choice - however I do so at enormous expense to myself and I expect some humility from the B&G rather than an attitude of ‘aren’t you ever so lucky to be here’

So what it is about the loungewear you're buying? Do they match? Either there's something specific about it (which will be tacky) or there isn't, in which case it's unnecessary .

It’s not a kind gesture to pay for something for someone when you’ve chosen for them to be somewhere. The kind gesture is from them agreeing to be BM

Of course they mean something to me, otherwise I wouldn’t have asked if they wanted to participate.

But only if you don’t have to pay for their dresses.

Had I known I was expected to pay for everything, I wouldn’t have asked because I cannot afford to pay for everything.

So you can’t afford the wedding YOU want so other people have to be out of pocket so you can?

Stonking entitlement

But it's an expense you didn't need. Most people have comfy clothes or "lounge wear" at home so they could have brought that with them. You seem to not have a huge budget for the wedding, but spending on things that aren't needed and expecting others to fund stuff for you like hair, make up, accessories and before the dresses.

Who said anything about them being branded with bridesmaids?

that’s a presumption a rather pressed individual made but not something I said.

Which doesn't explain why loungewear branded with Bridesmaid is required and any other clothing they already own isn't acceptable. I think everyone has items of clothing they are comfortable hanging out it before putting on their dresses.

I understand. My bridesmaids haven’t had to do anything other than show up and have a good time. I’m literally planning everything with my maid of honour.

my bridesmaids are no proactive in that sense.

Well, no.

Loungewear exists for a reason, and people buy them for a reason.

To lounge in until it’s time to get ready.

I do think it's a bit odd to have been planning to spend on loungewear for them but not bridesmaid dresses.

I guess US norms have come over here.

I do agree that being a bridesmaid can be an honour and a good day out. I wouldn't call it a favour or treat tho, because it comes with expectations and duties (depending on what traditions you're going with at your wedding).

It shouldn't cost them shedloads to be one.

Would there own clothes not have worked for this purpose? Do they not own any other clothes and just walk around naked every other day until its your wedding day and then they won't have to be naked?

A wedding day is a favour and treat.

why are you going to a wedding if you don’t think it is? Do you hate the people in your life or something? do the people around you class you as a burden rather than someone they wish to celebrate with?

They’re getting free drinks, free meal and an open bar at a high end establishment surrounded by family and friends they are familiar with lol my people don’t hate me, so yes, it is a treat.

Wedding Loungewear is so that the bridesmaids have something comfortable to wear whilst they’re getting ready .

If your bridesmaids like walking around naked, that’s on them.