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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not want to pay for my bridesmaid dress?

364 replies

MrsB777 · 01/04/2024 16:36

I've been asked to be a bridesmaid for two weddings this year, both of which I need to purchase my own dress for. The dresses that have been chosen range from £100-130.

AIBU to think that if someone asks me to be in their wedding, then they should pay for the dress? I've been a bridesmaid previously and the bride bought my dress.

OP posts:
Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 01/04/2024 18:24

OccasionalHope · 01/04/2024 18:16

Traditionally British brides pay for the BMs’ outfits but keep the numbers down.

American brides have at least 10 and make them pay for their outfits, makeup, etc, themselves. At best they may be more flexible on the outfit.

In USA when I was a BM there (I’m British) I had to pay for my dress (Laura Ashley wine velvet number thankfully available in UK!) plus everything else including flight to USA. I almost thought about declining but I had no accommodation costs and thankfully bride paid for everything else once I was there (meals out etc). Once when she became a mum (SAHM) she got a bit pissy about almost always paying for stuff (despite me trying to pay and her declining my offer) but apart from when we were both 20 and she visited London it was always me going to see her although I did invite her over with her family. I reminded her of this and she shut up.

At her wedding she had 4 groomsmen and 4 BMs, one of whom was her sister and one of the groomsmen was her DH’s brother.

JaninaDuszejko · 01/04/2024 18:23

RoderickHosclassicblackhoodie · 01/04/2024 16:46

Tradition is that bridesmaids pay for their own dress.

Being a bridesmaid is fucking expensive.

Not in the UK, the bride (or her parents) should pay for the dresses.

Wishingonastar08 · 01/04/2024 18:21

I paid for my Bridesmaid dresses at my wedding & matching necklaces, bracelets for them (Phase9 so not diamond jewellery lol) they bought the shoes

TimeGrabsYouByTheWrist · 01/04/2024 18:21

MrsB777 · 01/04/2024 16:36

I've been asked to be a bridesmaid for two weddings this year, both of which I need to purchase my own dress for. The dresses that have been chosen range from £100-130.

AIBU to think that if someone asks me to be in their wedding, then they should pay for the dress? I've been a bridesmaid previously and the bride bought my dress.

This is ridiculous.

If someone asks you to be bridesmaid, then THEY pay for the dress, especially if they're stating which dress you have to buy!! Making you pay for your own bridesmaid dress is beyond ridiculous!

Personally I'd just let them know that you don't have that sort of money to spend on a dress that you'll never wear again, so unfortunately you won't be able to be bridesmaid, or perhaps if you have to pay for it, you can choose a dress that you'd wear again.

WowIlikereallyhateyou · 01/04/2024 18:20

MumChp · 01/04/2024 16:43

Can't afford it. Sorry. Thank you for the kindness understanding this.

Would be my answer.

Agree.

Gowlett · 01/04/2024 18:20

Thank God all of my friends have sisters. Never been a bridesmaid.

Nanny0gg · 01/04/2024 18:19

RoderickHosclassicblackhoodie · 01/04/2024 16:46

Tradition is that bridesmaids pay for their own dress.

Being a bridesmaid is fucking expensive.

It seems to be in the US where they seem to have a huge entourage, but in all my friends and family, the bride has paid.

Usually the bridesmaids pay for their shoes

MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 01/04/2024 18:19

We gave our daughter a lump sum to pay for her wedding. She bought the bridesmaid dresses, shoes, jewellery hair and makeup.

She also paid for groom's, groomsmen's, father's and father in law's suits, shirts, ties, socks, shoes. They weren't hired.

Theroadnottravelled · 01/04/2024 18:18

Good point PP made about the switch to adult bridesmaids instead of kids. It’s more expensive re dress and hair and makeup. But even so, I’ve never paid for a BM dress myself and when I got married, paid for them too. It’s cheeky not to!!

Throwawayme · 01/04/2024 18:17

RoderickHosclassicblackhoodie · 01/04/2024 16:46

Tradition is that bridesmaids pay for their own dress.

Being a bridesmaid is fucking expensive.

Not in the UK it's not

OccasionalHope · 01/04/2024 18:16

Traditionally British brides pay for the BMs’ outfits but keep the numbers down.

American brides have at least 10 and make them pay for their outfits, makeup, etc, themselves. At best they may be more flexible on the outfit.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 01/04/2024 18:13

RoderickHosclassicblackhoodie · 01/04/2024 16:46

Tradition is that bridesmaids pay for their own dress.

Being a bridesmaid is fucking expensive.

Not in this country it’s not! In USA and maybe other countries but not in UK.

WaltzingWaters · 01/04/2024 18:13

You really shouldn’t have to buy the dress at all, but if you do you should at least get to chose it so it’s something within your budget and something you can wear again.
I’d either bow out of bridesmaid duty and explain why, or say that the dress will be your gift to them.

mouse70 · 01/04/2024 18:11

Only once a bridesmaid. (late 1970s) I chose and bought the material ,made the dress. Bride approved material and pattern. I am and was a good dressmaker so was a no brainer to do this as I had the skills.

TeenLifeMum · 01/04/2024 18:11

RoderickHosclassicblackhoodie · 01/04/2024 16:46

Tradition is that bridesmaids pay for their own dress.

Being a bridesmaid is fucking expensive.

In USA, not in the uk.

lap90 · 01/04/2024 18:10

It would be a no from me.

Saintmariesleuth · 01/04/2024 18:08

If the bride wants a specific dress then she should pay

I have a sinking feeling these will turn out to be family weddings and far more difficult to politely decline (hope I'm wrong)

AGodawfulsmallaffair · 01/04/2024 18:08

meecestopeeces · 01/04/2024 17:11

I had to pay for my own dress for DBs wedding and told by both DB and DM it was "tradition." (We are white British). It was only 85 quid from Debenhams, but it still annoyed me, it was hideous oyster taffeta and not something I'd ever have chosen / worn. Went straight to the charity shop after the wedding! Plus on the morning of the wedding the hair and make-up person apparently 'just worked out' they only had time to do SIL and the other bridesmaid (her sister). I had fuck all with me as I'd been told mine would be done too, had to drive to the nearest large town the morning of the wedding and buy a load of stuff in Boots. Still convinced they never actually booked for me in the first place!

And yes I'm still slightly bitter 😂.

Say no OP!

Slightly? I’d have stamped on her stupid dress going down the aisle 😆

OhhhhhhhhBiscuits · 01/04/2024 18:05

AGodawfulsmallaffair · 01/04/2024 18:01

Wow, that’s outrageous. I’ll ever understand why weddings bring out the worst in people. I mean, she had a lucky escape and saved a bloody fortune, but very hurtful.

Show quote history

My daughter is 26 and was gutted. Absolutely gutted. They way it was handled was terrible. Oh and then to top it off the matron of honour messaged asking if she was still going to contribute to the brides cost of the hen party. She got a 2 word answer ending in off!

I couldn't not believe how entitled the bride was in it all. Having known her since she was 6, it shocked me.

bellezarara · 01/04/2024 18:04

YANBU. You need to speak up and make it clear that you won’t be able to pay for your dress or hair and makeup and shoes.

Jenpeg · 01/04/2024 18:04

Dacadactyl · 01/04/2024 16:53

I'd say I'd I buy the dress that'll be my present to you. I can't afford dress and present.

This is a really fair idea!!

AGodawfulsmallaffair · 01/04/2024 18:01

OhhhhhhhhBiscuits · 01/04/2024 17:00

My daughter was "sacked" from being a bridesmaid and banned from the wedding after she had to say to the bride she couldn't afford what she was planning. Dress was specified and £300. Shoes were specified and £50 then hair and make up was being specified and booked. On top of that was £1000 for a 4 days hen party and then 2 nights in the wedding hotel. She said to bride she couldn't afford all of that, bride lost her shit and they haven't spoken since. Such a shame and a waste of a very long friendship.

Wow, that’s outrageous. I’ll ever understand why weddings bring out the worst in people. I mean, she had a lucky escape and saved a bloody fortune, but very hurtful.

PutOnYourRedShoesAndLetsDance · 01/04/2024 18:00

The Bride should pay.

To not want to pay for my bridesmaid dress?
GreyBlackLove · 01/04/2024 17:46

RoderickHosclassicblackhoodie · 01/04/2024 16:46

Tradition is that bridesmaids pay for their own dress.

Being a bridesmaid is fucking expensive.

Where are you posting from? Is it the US by any chance?

Assuming the OP is in the UK, here traditionally the brides family covered the cost of the bridesmaids outfit, now since couples increasingly pay for their own wedding it is expected the bride (and groom) covers the cost.

Divebar2021 · 01/04/2024 17:43

If you can’t afford to buy the bridesmaids dresses as a bride you can’t afford bridesmaids.

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