To not want to pay for my bridesmaid dress?

Errrmmm no it isn’t, unless you’re in the US.

I paid for my briedsmains. I don’t know any bridesmaids that paid for their own.

Making bridesmaids pay for their own dresses is a US tradition that seems to be creeping in here as CF brides try to off load the expenses of a wedding on others. Don't do it, OP, it is not fair to lumber you with these costs.

@GLC789 I didn't have bridesmaids for this reason either. Attending weddings is expensive enough as it is!

I didn't have bridesmaids because of the following reasons

I didn't want the expense
I didn't want my 4 best friends to have the expense
I also wanted them to wear what they wanted and enjoy my wedding as guests.

DH didn't have a best man or groomsmen either.

Our day (even the planning and run up to it - all done by me and DH) was so stress free for absolutely everyone involved.

X

Sweet Jesus that's shocking. I wanted a very specific dress for my bridesmaid ( it was designer) but I paid for it. paid for everything bar shoes - they bought them but they were simple black strappy shoes. could be worm again. I also paid for hair make up and the nights stay in the hotel. your daughter is well rid of those batches

Yep, the bride should pay for bridesmaid dresses. People are so entitled these days.

Say you’re happy to wear a dress you already own and show her some options which you think might go well. If the bride doesn’t like any of your existing dresses, she should buy you a new one.

I love hearing about tight cheeky fucker brides like this 🤣🤣🤣

It makes me cringe so much that these people actually exist though. If you ask someone to be your bridesmaid, then you should pay for their dress, shoes, hair and make up. If you can't afford it, then don't have bridesmaids. Have the wedding you can afford, don't ask your friends to subsidise your choices. Tacky AF.

I think if you get a say over the dress, you pay for it (eg “theme is pink, get whatever you like”), if it’s “you are having this dress” then bride should pay.

YANBU.
Anything that the bride and groom dictate you wear should be paid for by the B&G.
Unless she had said - I'd love you to be my bridesmaid but we are having a really informal wedding so you can wear whatever you like - then they should cover any cost of dress, and, if they are dictating you need certain shoes or hairstyle or whatever, they pay for that too.

sorry no fecking way. that is not the done thing at all. bride pays for the dress hair and make up. bridesmaid pays for shoes and underwear. tell her no feckin way
if that's what she is asking you to pay for what else is she going to ask you to pay for next? your flowers your meal ?
without you even paying for your dress being a bridesmaid is expensive

Tradition where? Tradition when?
A bride is asking you to do her the .favor of being her bridesmaid.
So she punishes you by making you pay for the dress and shoes?
That’s not how that works. That’s not how any of that works. lol
Asking someone to be your bridesmaid means repaying her the kindness by purchasing her the dress and shoes and hair makeup (if you’re going that route).
Some brides also give their bridesmaids a small gift.

Tradition where?! Ive been bridesmaid on average twice a year since I was 4/5 years old. Dress, shoes hair and makeup always covered by whoever asked me to be part of their wedding and usually get a little gift from the bride aswell!

I've never heard of this tradition. I got married 30 years ago so maybe that has changed but I wouldn't have expected my BM's to pay for their own dresses when they were doing me the favour

Not in the UK, as far as I'm aware.

If you want someone to be wearing a certain thing at your wedding, and carrying out certain duties, then you should pay for it.

I've never been to a wedding (or been involved in one) where the bride & groom didn't pay for bridesmaid dresses.

I paid for my 3 bridesmaid dresses at my wedding. I think if they want you, they should pay. Just tell her, sorry I can't afford it.

The only time I’ve ever paid for a bridesmaids dress was when the bride literally didn’t care what I wore (I could have turned up in jeans and a jumper and she’d have been happy just to have me there) but I used it as an excuse to buy a vintage sundress I’d had my eye on (and was probably going to buy anyway…) - even then the bride tried to pay me back for it (which I refused as it was entirely my choice to buy it in the first place).

I intended to buy my bridesmaids only had 2 cos of covid restrictions but one of them offered to buy them both for me and insisted.
I gave them a colour and said sort between yourselves weat what you're comfortable in.

The one who paid tried hers and got it altered to fit her, the other tried hers on less than a week before the wedding and it was too small and wanted me to pay for a new one, she was told to replace herself or don't be a bridesmaid my other friend had spent alot of money on a now wasted dress she ended up buying her own and the first went to waste she never offered to pay my other bridesmaid back.

I paid for their
Shoes
Hair
Makeup
Bags
Hotel with their own husbands for 2 nights

Had my first friend not offered to buy the dresses I'd have absolutely bought them & had she not waited so long I'd have sorted hers out but not when she had taken the p*ss

I wouldn't be too upset about paying for my own but not if I was also paying for everything else I needed as a bridesmaid

I'd politely decline. I agree with all the others that the bride pays for her bridesmaids dresses. I don't want to spend money on a dress/shoes/etc that I'll never wear again.

It's extremely rude and bad mannered to immediately assume someone is going to contribute a specified amount of money to YOUR big day.

That's a redefinition of the word 'tradition' - "the transmission of customs or beliefs from generation to generation".

This is a very new imposition on the members of the wedding party, really only since the (actual) tradition of the the bride's parents footing the bill died out. The costs still have to be shouldered, but some brides&grooms want a fancier wedding than they can afford, hence their determination that everyone should chip in.

It sucks, and I'd be declining their invitation to be a bridemaid - 'Thank you for asking me, but unfortunately I cannot afford the costs of accepting.'

Sorry, I mean it's never been tradition that bridesmaids pay 🤣

Since when? I have never heard of a Bridesmaid buying her own dress. When i married i paid for the dresses, when my Daughter married (twice) she bought the bridesmaids dress and shoes.

Tradition in the UK absolutely dictates that the bride / her family would pay for the bridesmaid dresses.

I have been a bridesmaid 11 times in the UK (lot of cousins + I’ve been lucky to meet a bunch of brilliant women in life on top)…

the only one that I bought my own dress for was a friend on a total shoestring - she asked if we wouldn’t mind buying a dress we’d wear again from a colour pallet - of course not a problem - we also all put together a potluck / bring-a-bottle back garden party and had a blast.

If someone is truly on a budget and asks you to choose a dress like that I don’t think it’s a problem at all.

if someone is prescribing exactly what you must wear + insisting you pay for it as a way to save money for a fancier honeymoon or so they can wear Vera wang they couldn’t otherwise afford? That’s insanely tacky.

If it's a designated dress bride pays. If it's 'anything of your choice that's eveningish in this colour' it can be bm as they can buy a dress they can rewear

I would politely decline

Good for you sticking to your guns that’s shocking she expected you to foot the alterations bill!