Why are you long term Single?

I’ve got quite high standards and I’m very specific in my criteria. Not so much about looks but the man’s character and his ability to be an asset in my life - as I’ll definitely be an asset to his. I would love to meet the man of my dreams but I’d much rather be single and happy than be with an awful or lacklustre guy!

Also I just can’t tolerate BS and charm with no substance. I’ve noticed some men pretend to chat about seemingly deep stuff but really they’re not actually telling you anything and it’s clear they’re trying to figure you out for manipulation purposes . One very handsome and fit guy I was talking to recently starting off by saying he was “very impressed by my OLD profile” and he liked my “casual athlete style” and he went on like that . He almost sounded like AI. It just didn’t sound genuine!

I just cut to the chase and asked him quite direct questions. Apparently he was a 1st year full-time student who worked part time in a bar…at age 45! I’m not knocking anyone for studying at any age, but it’s not ideal living in London as a middle aged student unless you’re wealthy and I didn’t get the impression this man was. He was very vague about his career up that point.

So it soon became clear after some digging that he wasn’t self sufficient. apparently he was living with his ex but they were just “friends” 🚩🚩🚩 I immediately unmatched after that parade of red flags and then deleted the app altogether tbh.

He was clearly living off one woman and now looking for his next victim. Also when I asked him for his plans after graduation he said he wanted to be a “life coach” . He just came across as a grifter who was going to be up to his eyeballs in debt at age 50.

I sniff out the unsuitable men out super quick but I get offended and annoyed they even tried it lol

Even before OLD haven’t been thrilled at the men I’ve attracted. I’m still in touch with some of my exes and they’re all still emotionally unavailable and/or cheaters etc so I made the right decision not to settle down with any of them.

I just wish I’d attracted better guys in my 20s and early 30s!

I don't trust people. Can't let people in. Scared of being rejected. And yes not pretty like other people.

Unattractive
Introverted
Very low self esteem
I like my own space too much as in time to read or watch the TV in peace.
Don't want the pressure of step kids and ex wives which would most likely be the case around my age group at almost 40.

I am very much in the minority being single at this age but I'm not just going to get with a man to seem more socially acceptable. Although I do feel being in a healthy and good relationship makes life a million times easier in every way.

This thread has been brilliant...👏 eye opening

I do miss sex though...but the longer the gap the feelings start to fade..

Great career, good salary, own my home, have a car, brilliant set of friends, lots of holidays and a fantastic son - I honestly can’t see any man being able to add any value to my life.

Every day there are posts on here about cock-lodgers, lazy husbands, controlling arseholes and down-right abusive men. Seriously - who wants one of those?

My marriage nearly killed me, physically and mentally. I naturally pick abusive men, I can't go there again.
I am a full time working lone parent and I have no time or ability to date even if I wanted
I have a dog who loves me despite my imperfections
I love my life with ds and doggie. We make our own rules, have a living room disco, make dens,
I have adhd and cptsd and think I am probably wuite hard to live with. I don't sit still, forget everything, am messy, have conversations in my head which I think have been with a real life person and they haven't
I have packed on the weight in the last 2 years and feel even less attractive than ever (was never a looker)
I genuinely love being single.

I like being single and even more do as I've got older. With ex dh 15 years. Split when ds 18 months, now 16. Had a 3 awful short term relationships but i was never willing to blend families. Maybe when ds moves out, who knows. Worked hard, busy job now managing a team. Think people are so used to me being single they don't mention otherwise. No idea how I'd fit someone into my life!

Divorced, zero interest in being in another relationship, couldn't imagine living with someone again and truly happy on my own.

Because I prefer to concerntrate on just me and my DD, I don't need a man messing it up - I can do that by myself anyway.

Been single to long, couldn't image being with anyone else, working two jobs rasing three children the thought of having to deal with anyone else at the moment is not worth it for me. maybe when my children are older but I'm not fussed at all ATM. Been single 4-5 years now.

Choice.
No judgement on anyone else single or otherwise!

I’ve been very happily single for the past 7 years. Ex was an absolute nightmare and there’s no way I want to share my life with a useless lump who wants a wife to look after them.
One friend says I’ll change my mind. No chance ha ha!

Is it true that men have very high expectations?

They truly believe they are going to get supermodels?

Maybe there are lots of amazingly attractive women out there who do actually fulfill this objective?

@NeverendingRabbitHole That's putting it pretty strongly but yes, I think a lot of women are reaching that conclusion.

As a professional woman, I have a career, an income, I own my own home, I have a son by a previous relationship. I have a moderate pension fund. I don't need a man to provide for me financially.

I am happy and secure. If I have a partner, I want to be treated with courtesy, respect and affection. Share the daily chores and finances. Work as a team.

I'm not a domestic to enable his life/career and that, I think, is a common expectation.

Oh and before everyone starts piling in saying I'm shallow/fussy/whatever, I have given lots of different men chances, ones who haven't been my type but who I got along with/had things in common with. Those dates/relationships never went anywhere.

Because physical attraction and connection is very important to me, but every single man I've fancied nothing has happened with them or something about me has put them off. Unlike a couple of pps, I am attractive and have been told so, but I have low confidence due to teenaged bullying (being called ugly on a daily basis because of bad acne)- I turn into a nervous/giggly wreck around men I find attractive. But I just can't settle for someone im not attracted to, so unless a miracle happens it looks like I'm staying single.....plus I'm living back in my (very small) hometown in the North East and all the men here look and act like troglodytes.

Men are really gonna have to start sorting their shit out if women are to bother with them anymore. It's basically a 'no deal' with most men - women just don't get anything/enough out of a partnership with a man to make it worthwhile. Treated like a skivvy, left home alone with kids, expected to clean, wash, cook and take on 99% of the mental load. Most men expect regular sex but put very little effort in.

Let's face it - life is so much easier and more fun without them dragging us down.

I've been single for four years now and I've not got the time or inclination to date. I do miss sex though 😕 a fwb would be ideal but finding someone single who I'm both attracted to and who wouldn't blab (small town) is difficult.

@peloton2024 and others I can guarantee it's not you it's them. Size 16 and red hair - so you have curves and also hair that lots of people would kill for! Have you looked around lately at men 40 plus?! Mostly lazy, misogynistic and really no oil painting. Yet want supermodels 🤣 The dating pool is slim pickings in that age group already and as for finding a genuine decent guy - well nearly impossible sadly.

What's the main reason you are actually long term single?
I’m really not a people person. Don’t get out much, don’t talk much when I do.
And do you judge others that are also?
Why would I judge somebody for being in the same boat as me?

Interesting comments about OLD in here; I haven't done it in 15 years since I met my partner...even then it was pretty grim.

Basically at best, when it works, it takes all the magic and romance out of meeting someone..it's all very desperate and business like. At worst it's the most shallow, materialistic way of meeting someone...men are looking for someone at least 10 years younger with no baggage , women are after a tall , successful MrDarcy with a full head of hair, own home and car and willing to be a father within in a very strict timeline.

I'm not surprised people are turning their back on it.

I too decided to stay single after divorce to work out why I had tolerated bad behaviour in my marriage and previous relationships, I wanted to wait until I knew I would be strong enough to walk away from it even if I was in love.
As time went on I realised it was a much better life for me for lots of the reasons others have mentioned. I knew it would feel different when my last DC left and I was completely alone and it does, sometimes I feel lonely and get a bit woe is me but never for too long.
I get frustrated all my local friends are married, I am in the same group as when I was married and now they are retiring and doing lovely things while I will need to keep working as being single is so much more expensive. I need to try and get out and meet new people who aren’t so coupled up but I never do anything about it !
Great thread for me to see last night and remember there are so many upsides to living the single life

I decided to stop having relationships with men that led to aggravation so took a couple of years to reflect on how I interacted in relationships. And the longer I was single, the more I liked it. Still am and still do, many years later. Although I already had children, I might well feel differently if I'd spent so many years completely alone.