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My aunts inheritance choices seem to have destroyed my family

994 replies

Afana · 01/04/2024 13:25

A little context, my aunt passed away at the start of last year, her husband had passed 10 years prior, she never had children. They were well off. Massive large house worth more than 2 million and some other assets, including a holiday home etc.

My DD is 24, lives in London where my aunt was and was "named after" her. She is the only girl, my brother has two boys and I have a boy, my dad was her only sibling.

My aunt really treated my kids like her own grandkids but more so my daughter, she spoiled her, had her over in the holidays etc. Even got her a job!

Now when my aunt passed everything was left to my daughter. This was unexpected. After inheritance tax and giving the donations to charity she had arranged. There was around 1.9 million left, the house was sold to cover the inheritance tax.

My daughter used a deed of variation I believe to give £50,000 to myself, my son, my brother and my brother's two sons. £25,000 to my parents, which is all they wanted, she did offer them more.

My aunt wrote a letter explaining her reasons and it was effectively she's my favourite.

Now recently my daughter bought a lovely 2 bed flat worth over a million in a lovely part of London near Hyde Park. She's reduced her work to 4 days, she got rid of basically every item of clothing she owned and bought all new, has been on endless holidays.

Now my son and both her cousins, not to mention myself and my brother are somewhat resentful. We aren't a rich family, we live modest lives in the midlands and everyone thinks her choice screams of greed. She's mortgage free in a flat while her cousins are still struggling to buy.

Yesterday was Easter, everything was tense, my daughter ended up leaving early with her boyfriend to go home. We haven't heard from her since!

AIBU to think my aunt going about everything like this has irreparably damaged our family and it will probably never be the same again. I do think my daughter was greedy and should have shared more equally!

OP posts:
JohnSt1 · 01/04/2024 19:02

I'm sure if Auntie could read this post she'd be convinced she did the right thing.

cathcath2 · 01/04/2024 19:02

Unless this is a reverse, no she wasn't unreasonable. Your aunts wishes haven't destroyed your family, you have. You are choosing to be like this. She has been really generous.

BritishBeatleMania · 01/04/2024 19:01

The daughter who inherited has been very generous. It’s the rest of you ruining the family with your greed. Inheritance isn’t a right. The person who owned the stuff gets to choose where it goes. It’s not a difficult concept.

soupfiend · 01/04/2024 18:59

Fingeronthebutton · 01/04/2024 18:53

Shes Like a child in a free sweet shop. At the rate she’s spending money ( and cutting down her hours) she’s not going to be able to pay the service charges on her flat which will be huge.
where as with a bit of thought she could have a wonderful life.

She has a wonderful life by the sounds of it

Mortgage free living in Hyde Park, dumped her loser family, has a good job working 4 days a week (hardly out of work), with probably around a 350k nest egg

Shes on 50k a year, she can afford the service charges.

Although yes, she made a huge error giving away 300k of it. Shame she cant get a refund from her deadbeat sibs.

Sunnydays0101 · 01/04/2024 18:58

Friedchickenrocks · 01/04/2024 18:57

Her brother and the other two cousins could have contested the will but it's unlikely they'd have won. It's only usually if anything underhand has gone on like co-ersion.

I suspect part of the reason the Aunt left a letter explaining her wishes was in case the Will was contested.

urbanbuddha · 01/04/2024 18:58

Now DD being the only girl and happening to share interests and be the right type of person for my aunt has meant she now gets all the fortune and the others who my aunt wouldn't have spent time with anyway are forgotten !

Or they’re ignored the way they ignored her.

It was your aunt’s money to do what she wanted with. If she’d been fond of cats she could have left it to a cat charity but she had a good and rewarding relationship with her niece and she’s chosen to leave it her, the person she was close to. Be pleased that your aunt chose to make your dd’s life easier and more fun.

Saymyname28 · 01/04/2024 18:57

Afana · 01/04/2024 15:48

Some comments about greed were made and jokes about the money.

Absolutely vile, greedy, bitter behavior. Your aunt didn't like to spend time with any of you because she didn't like you, she did like her niece. That's entirely within her rights. You're not entitled to anything from her and it's disgusting how you're all behaving.

AreWeOutOfTheWoods · 01/04/2024 18:57

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She's bought a property in London outright. The fact she's bought some new clothes and had a few holidays isn’t that irresponsible. She's mortgage-free and has a good job!

Friedchickenrocks · 01/04/2024 18:57

Zanatdy · 01/04/2024 15:30

Sure I remember reading about this not so long ago, but Aunt was still alive. If same poster then what you suspected would happen has happened and unfortunately money (especially inheritance) does drive a wedge between families. I can well imagine how jealous her brother is, and I’m sure to him, it doesn’t seem fair at all. My brother would have hit the roof!!

Her brother and the other two cousins could have contested the will but it's unlikely they'd have won. It's only usually if anything underhand has gone on like co-ersion.

FrodisCapering · 01/04/2024 18:54

This reply has been withdrawn

Post withdrawn at author's request

Tattletwat · 01/04/2024 18:54

Fingeronthebutton · 01/04/2024 18:53

Shes Like a child in a free sweet shop. At the rate she’s spending money ( and cutting down her hours) she’s not going to be able to pay the service charges on her flat which will be huge.
where as with a bit of thought she could have a wonderful life.

But that's her choice and choices have consequences.

Fingeronthebutton · 01/04/2024 18:53

soupfiend · 01/04/2024 18:05

Whats going on with all the 'a 24 year old should have the money in trust'

Is this Victorian times or something. Girls with their silly little heads shouldnt hav so much money

Shes Like a child in a free sweet shop. At the rate she’s spending money ( and cutting down her hours) she’s not going to be able to pay the service charges on her flat which will be huge.
where as with a bit of thought she could have a wonderful life.

AnneElliott · 01/04/2024 18:51

I think you and your family are BU - and I can see why your daughter left early!

Your aunt decided what to do with her cash and your DD gave some to her family. If the aunt has left it to the cats home would you be so bitter still?

I feel for your daughter as although I have not inherited any money, when I was younger a distant relative offered to leave me everything she had (not that she had much then) if my parents made her godmother. I wasn't christened so it didn't arise but I remember my dad saying that if she left me anything 'I'd have to share it with my brother and cousins'. I remember thinking this was really unfair as my cousins actually didn't like her at all - and said so frequently behind her back!

thomasinacat · 01/04/2024 18:51

Sweetheart7 · 01/04/2024 15:43

This sh*t is always trotted out on MN. Would you allow an auntie to favourite 1 child out of 3 of your own children? It isn't right. To leave 1 person 1.9 million is ridiculous. What about her own parents? It's odd and I suspect the aunt did it to cause a family fall out. Its cruel.

'would you allow' 😳, so you should be able to exert control over what someone else does with their own money?? People are free to leave their money to those they feel closest to, not obligated to a long line of blood relatives they aren't particularly close to.

Medschoolmum · 01/04/2024 18:50

Bbbbbbbby · 01/04/2024 18:41

@clairelouwho
The rest of the family, by the OP's own admission, were not close to the aunt. The son never bothered and wasn't interested in his aunt. The wheres and why's are irrelevant really-there was no relationship between the rest of the family-OP, her brother, the OP's DS and the cousins and the aunt

The OP says the Aunt always favoured the daughter and liked her because they had similar interests. Would you expect a child to work out that he needs to suck up to his Auntie who isn't interested in him and clearly favours his 'golden child' sister if he wanted a chance to inherit.

This is such a warped way of looking at the situation.

It isn't about the fact that other family members failed to work out that they needed to suck up to their great aunt in order to secure an inheritance.

It's about the fact that the OP's dd had a lovely, close relationship with her great aunt and that the aunt decided to recognise this in her will.

The others haven't lost anything due to the fact that they didn't try to manipulate their great aunt for her money. The money wasn't ever theirs in the first place.

I can't understand how people end up reducing relationships to such crass transactional terms.

Jaxhog · 01/04/2024 18:49

Badgerandfox227 · 01/04/2024 18:41

If I’d been in your daughter’s position I’d have split the money equally with my sibling and cousins. She’d have still had around £400k. Of course she didn’t have to, but then your son and her cousins don’t have to have much to do with her going forward. Very ill thought out by the aunt, and selfish of your daughter.

Seriously!!? I bet you wouldn't! It easy to say when you don't actually have to make such a decision.

I think the daughter has been very generous.

SilverBranchGoldenPears · 01/04/2024 18:47

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Jaxhog · 01/04/2024 18:46

They were your aunt's riches to do with as she wished. You may not like her choice, but for goodness sake don't blame your daughter! She has been very generous to you all - she didn't have to be. Just be glad she has a wonderful start to life and keep an eye out for her and the inevitable male gold diggers.

Noyesnoyes · 01/04/2024 18:45

Bbbbbbbby · 01/04/2024 18:41

@clairelouwho
The rest of the family, by the OP's own admission, were not close to the aunt. The son never bothered and wasn't interested in his aunt. The wheres and why's are irrelevant really-there was no relationship between the rest of the family-OP, her brother, the OP's DS and the cousins and the aunt

The OP says the Aunt always favoured the daughter and liked her because they had similar interests. Would you expect a child to work out that he needs to suck up to his Auntie who isn't interested in him and clearly favours his 'golden child' sister if he wanted a chance to inherit.

No but I'd expect them to have enough respect to visit! She was his aunt!

Tattletwat · 01/04/2024 18:45

Bbbbbbbby · 01/04/2024 18:41

@clairelouwho
The rest of the family, by the OP's own admission, were not close to the aunt. The son never bothered and wasn't interested in his aunt. The wheres and why's are irrelevant really-there was no relationship between the rest of the family-OP, her brother, the OP's DS and the cousins and the aunt

The OP says the Aunt always favoured the daughter and liked her because they had similar interests. Would you expect a child to work out that he needs to suck up to his Auntie who isn't interested in him and clearly favours his 'golden child' sister if he wanted a chance to inherit.

But it's irrelevant no body is entitled to anything and even if you sucked up to a auntie she could leave it all to charity.

The auntie made a choice, but not only are you disrespectful to your daughter
You are disrespectful to the aunties automy.

Autienotnaughtie · 01/04/2024 18:45

Mistymist · 01/04/2024 18:11

With this attitude, I wouldn't have given you anything!

I'm assuming they were all nice while they were getting their hands on some money. It's after they feel they deserve more.

Dragonsmother · 01/04/2024 18:43

It sounds like your DD was the daughter your aunt dreamed of and she loved her dearly.

Sadly when money is involved no one comes out a winner. Perhaps it’s time for the family to accept what she has?

If you lifted her flat in London and moved it to the midlands it would be significantly cheaper. So whilst she has an expensive home, it’s relative to the area.

your DD was kind to give others part of her inheritance and she didn’t have to do that.

Bbbbbbbby · 01/04/2024 18:41

@clairelouwho
The rest of the family, by the OP's own admission, were not close to the aunt. The son never bothered and wasn't interested in his aunt. The wheres and why's are irrelevant really-there was no relationship between the rest of the family-OP, her brother, the OP's DS and the cousins and the aunt

The OP says the Aunt always favoured the daughter and liked her because they had similar interests. Would you expect a child to work out that he needs to suck up to his Auntie who isn't interested in him and clearly favours his 'golden child' sister if he wanted a chance to inherit.

Badgerandfox227 · 01/04/2024 18:41

If I’d been in your daughter’s position I’d have split the money equally with my sibling and cousins. She’d have still had around £400k. Of course she didn’t have to, but then your son and her cousins don’t have to have much to do with her going forward. Very ill thought out by the aunt, and selfish of your daughter.

FUPAgirl · 01/04/2024 18:39

Gosh op, you've really messed up here. I doubt your DD will ever forgive you unfortunately. Dreadful.