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My aunts inheritance choices seem to have destroyed my family

994 replies

Afana · 01/04/2024 13:25

A little context, my aunt passed away at the start of last year, her husband had passed 10 years prior, she never had children. They were well off. Massive large house worth more than 2 million and some other assets, including a holiday home etc.

My DD is 24, lives in London where my aunt was and was "named after" her. She is the only girl, my brother has two boys and I have a boy, my dad was her only sibling.

My aunt really treated my kids like her own grandkids but more so my daughter, she spoiled her, had her over in the holidays etc. Even got her a job!

Now when my aunt passed everything was left to my daughter. This was unexpected. After inheritance tax and giving the donations to charity she had arranged. There was around 1.9 million left, the house was sold to cover the inheritance tax.

My daughter used a deed of variation I believe to give £50,000 to myself, my son, my brother and my brother's two sons. £25,000 to my parents, which is all they wanted, she did offer them more.

My aunt wrote a letter explaining her reasons and it was effectively she's my favourite.

Now recently my daughter bought a lovely 2 bed flat worth over a million in a lovely part of London near Hyde Park. She's reduced her work to 4 days, she got rid of basically every item of clothing she owned and bought all new, has been on endless holidays.

Now my son and both her cousins, not to mention myself and my brother are somewhat resentful. We aren't a rich family, we live modest lives in the midlands and everyone thinks her choice screams of greed. She's mortgage free in a flat while her cousins are still struggling to buy.

Yesterday was Easter, everything was tense, my daughter ended up leaving early with her boyfriend to go home. We haven't heard from her since!

AIBU to think my aunt going about everything like this has irreparably damaged our family and it will probably never be the same again. I do think my daughter was greedy and should have shared more equally!

OP posts:
Tattletwat · 01/04/2024 13:35

Thar anunt and the daughter aren't the problem the ret of you are.

She didn't have to give you anything so she went above and beyond and now you all are having a go at her.

Wise up and treat her better before she decides not to have anything to do with her hateful family.

Karolinska · 01/04/2024 13:35

I would say she was greedy. Given the enormous amount of the sum after tax, she could have easily afforded to give £250k to each of you and still bought a flat in London outright. I would be incredibly disappointed if any of my DC did this, although I might well not ask for any money myself, and might encourage my brother not to take any either, so that an even larger sum - say £400k - could go to each of the cousins. Not a good look at all.

LinLui · 01/04/2024 13:34

AIBU to think my aunt going about everything like this has irreparably damaged our family and it will probably never be the same again.

No I don't think your aunt (or your daughter) has damaged your family - I think the familiy greed and resentment has damaged the relationship, and I will be surprised if a long time doesn't pass before you hear from her again. You made her unwelcome despite the fact that she has been very generous with her good fortune.

Mrsttcno1 · 01/04/2024 13:34

Surely this isn’t a serious post. Your daughter didn’t even have to give any of you a penny, and with the attitude you have I bet she wishes she hadn’t.

Also her cousins got £50,000 from her, they aren’t “struggling to buy” unless they 1) wasted their gifted money or 2) don’t have jobs ?

Starseeking · 01/04/2024 13:34

Sounds like your DD effectively gave away £300,000, when she didn't actually have to give away a penny.

It sounds like your DD spent a lot of time with your DD, and that they had a close relationship. Your DD has been left the money and can use it as she pleases; be glad she's invested it in a solid asset, and not blown all the money away, although really it's nobody else's business.

The family are angry with your Aunt, but as she's no longer with you, everyone is misdirecting this towards your DD.

You all need to reframe your thinking; your Aunt didn't owe you anything, any more so than your DD does. You as a family need to accept your Aunt's decision, and treat your DD as you did before the inheritance.

Azandme · 01/04/2024 13:33

Wow.

You're an ungrateful bunch. She didn't have to GIVE you anything.

Have you considered that she spent far more time with her aunt, therefore knew her better?

How often did your son and nephews call or visit their great aunt? How often did you, or your brother?

Jealousy is ugly. You're destroying your own family.

L1ttledrummergirl · 01/04/2024 13:33

That was really kind of your daughter to share her inheritance. £50k is a good amount to receive as an unexpected windfall.
I couldn't imagine being so ungrateful that I would allow it to fracture my relationship with my daughter, and would be doing everything I could for my ds to accept her generosity without resentment.

You could have received nothing.

ImWatching · 01/04/2024 13:33

Tough one.

I’d feel pretty hard done to if I was a sibling or cousin.

I couldn’t, in all honesty, have kept the lot to myself if I’d been the one to inherit the lot, but on paper it her money and she’s been more than generous I suppose.

Notimeforaname · 01/04/2024 13:32

It's hers.
Its was given to her, she gave money to everyone.
Enough for a deposit at least, so no, you're all begrudging something that was left to her.

You need to sort out your jealousy and resentment. That girl has been very kind an generous with HER money.

Janedoe82 · 01/04/2024 13:32

Wise up. Put away the green eyed monster. These things happen. Not your daughters fault. Let her enjoy her life.

TTPD · 01/04/2024 13:32

I can't believe that you are resentful of your daughter!

The cousins got £50k - that's a very decent chunk of a deposit, if not a whole deposit, depending on where you are.

murasaki · 01/04/2024 13:31

Maybe your aunt could see what you were all like and that's why she left it to your daughter.

And she was right. Your daughter was nice to give everyone some of it, she didn't have to as it wasn't your aunt's wish.

ARichtGoodDram · 01/04/2024 13:31

Your aunt isn’t the cause of the problem. You treating your daughter differently because of your own greed is the cause.

None of you would have been happy no matter what she did .

WarshipRocinante · 01/04/2024 13:30

We had this in my family. The person who inherited split it equally between their generation (so all the cousins). They didn’t split it between their parents and aunts and uncles, just the generation below. But they split it equally because they never intended to have any kids (it’s been a long time and they never did have kids). Maybe if they had planned to have children of their own, they’d have kept if to pass forward.

Shoxfordian · 01/04/2024 13:30

She gave you money when she didn't need to and now you're all being mean to her

Poor girl

Foxblue · 01/04/2024 13:30

It's okay, you can admit this is a reverse!

They all got 50k each, when they were offered more said they didn't want more than 50k, and 50k is enough for a house deposit in the Midlands, so not sure how the cousins could be struggling to buy, especially as presumably they having savings on top.

Wibblywobblylikejelly · 01/04/2024 13:29

You ungrateful bunch!
How dare you treat her like that and hold contempt for her after how much she gave you!
If you're going to behave like that you better give her back every penny she gave you.

HelloMiss · 01/04/2024 13:29

I don't think she's done anything wrong

It's done....move forward

What did you all spend your cash on?

ellesbellesxxx · 01/04/2024 13:28

She was very generous to give so much away?! She made sure everyone received a generous amount. It sounds like she spent a lot of time with your aunt and was really loved by her.
So I don’t think she is being greedy.

£50000 is a wonderful help towards a deposit for her cousins!

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