My aunts inheritance choices seem to have destroyed my family

It sounds like she thought of her as a surrogate daughter, which explains the favouritism.

It's not ideal but that's life! I think your daughter's been generous to share when she didn't have to. If she'd split it equally I think people would still have found reason to
be upset! You need to let this go or the resentment will eat you alive.

This.

Humans aren’t 2d, no, but while resentment may be natural it doesn’t mean it’s a trait that needs indulging. Feeling resentment doesn’t make them right, or their stance justified - it isn’t. This money was never theirs, and they have zero entitlement to it. That they want it, and resent the DD for having it, is their problem. It isn’t her fault, and it isn’t on her to make them feel better.

But you did kind of start this by naming your DD after your Aunt…

if the cousins are struggling to buy in the midlands, with a £50,000 leg up then they need a slap.

your DD and your aunt had a very close relationship, which you helped to foster. How dare you be resentful now! Yes, your aunt could have split it more fairly and given more to the rest of you but she also could have given the lot to charity!

get over yourself, or you’ll lose any shred of relationship you still have with your dd.

I agree.

Any rational person would have seen this would cause a huge problem.

Oh I think the aunt knew exactly what she was doing!! I suspect aunt and DD may have had private conversations about this. It’s plain to see that the aunt knew OP and others did not deserve an inheritance. You’re not just automatically entitled to someone’s money, especially when that is not their wish.

I think we know why if their current behaviour and attitude is anything to go by.

£50k is a house deposit for most places out of London! And I’m a bit worried about your description of picnics and museums and Wimbledon being “girly” and not suitable for a boy! Yes your child might not like them but that doesn’t make them gender specific!!

OP you are a grabby nasty piece of work.

I dont think your aunt inheritance choices ruined anything, nor your daughter have done anything wrong.
I think your Aunt assets belonged to her, not to any other member of the family, whatever assumption any of you made prior her deceased was just sand castles in the water.

Once she died, she left her stuff to whoever she wanted, luckily, this preferred person was your daughter, who happens to be fairly generous and dote every one of you with 50.000 no one of you had before.

I would be glad your daughter thinks of the family and I would be even more glad that she doesn't have to struggle to buy anything in the expensive London any longer.

Your family is resenting something they never have and if this persist your daughter will be going low contact or no contact with all of you because it seems that she is the only one realising that if someone gives you a gift you should be grateful for it.

There is nothing wrong with being resentful. Or jealous. Even @Afana can be.
What is wrong is making it clear and treating someone unfairly on that basis! If tensions were so bad as to make the daughter leave, people must've been sniping at her.

It's not the aunt's fault that the relatives are greedy.

I'd have a different opinion if the daughter just 'happened' to be left the money with nothing else but she spent so much time with the aunt, it's clear she was somewhat of a daughter to her. I'd have expected this to happen.

If 50K is not enough, what do they want, 200K... there's always enough for man's need. Never enough for greed. They'd have whinged no matter what.

Would you all have the same attitude if she had won the lottery?

Reading your responses I’m now wondering if your Aunt did this because she felt all the boys are treated better by the rest of you.

You all sound awful and greedy, she didn't have to give anything and your lucky she did. Grow up your meant to be her mother

We haven't heard from her since!

….. you mean, since YESTERDAY? Shock horror!

YABGreedy and surely you want the best for your daughter. Parents generally want more for their kids than they had.

Your daughter is about the only one here who doesn't seem greedy.

Sure I remember reading about this not so long ago, but Aunt was still alive. If same poster then what you suspected would happen has happened and unfortunately money (especially inheritance) does drive a wedge between families. I can well imagine how jealous her brother is, and I’m sure to him, it doesn’t seem fair at all. My brother would have hit the roof!!

That you’d sacrifice closeness for your greed says a lot about you.

i hope your DDs partner is a good one and she has good friends around her.

I’d want to know why your aunt felt your daughter was worthy of it all, and no one else a penny…

This

I can’t imagine begrudging my DD her good fortune which you are apparently doing.

OP, would you have been happier if your aunt had left everything to a cat charity? Or to a friend? Presumably you realise that she didn't have to leave anything to family at all?

You "were" close, until you decided motherly love came with six figure price tag?

How can you look in the mirror?

@Afana so how much would you all have been happy with?

I think you’re lucky to have had anything at all and you all seem really unkind. I feel sorry for your daughter in this scenario.

Also this ‘everyone thinks her choice screams of greed’; so you’ve all been bitching about her behind her back? No wonder she buggered off early with her boyfriend.

What figure would have satisfied the rest of you? Would anything less than equal shares have been enough? Why should your DD go against her great aunt's wishes, which were clearly expressed in the will.

Historically, women were often treated less favourably with inheritance (and there are still discrepancies in earning power between men and women) so your aunt may have felt your DD needed the financial boost more than your DS or her cousins.

Surely you are adequately housed, so could give your DS another £20k, which means he could buy. He's been to UNI, has £50k but can't afford anything in the Midlands?