My aunts inheritance choices seem to have destroyed my family

What did you say to your daughter yesterday to ruin the relationship with her? Did you or someone else in the family say she shouldn’t fritter away money? Green eyed monsters piled in. You said she has a good job.

Maybe at a big family gathering she felt bullied. Bet she is feeling annoyed that she handed over a couple of hundred grand to envious family members

@alrightjackie charity would of been the best option in this case.

Why is it terrible?

She gave her money to the person she felt closest to. That's very normal.

Yabu. Your dd was very generous and was under no obligation to give anyone anything. The aunt was entirely within her rights to choose who to leave her estate to. Your daughter gave away over 10% of her inheritance which is plenty. Her brother and cousins have a significant lump sum which is plenty sufficient for a deposit on a reasonable first home. They are the greedy ones for being jealous and nasty. I bet they never bothered spending time with the aunty while she was alive once they weren't forced to by their parents.

Actually, OP, you seem to have destroyed your own family yourself.

None of you were owed anything from your aunt. She could have left it all to charity.

Instead, rather than be pleased for your DD to suddenly receive a huge windfall, you've all been grabby and jealous. Your DD is a kind person and has shared her fortune with you, but it hasn't been enough.

You're squabbling over money that was never yours, and you've been treated very generously.

Perhaps consider that as DD was actually close to your aunt, she's actually upset to have lost someone important to her? Have any of you done anything to support her in her grief or have you just compounded her grief by circling like vultures?

I don't think DD should have given you anything, and I understand why your aunt didn't want to give you anything.

Blood doesn't make family. Supporting each other, doing things together, enjoying each other's company - that makes family. You and your grabby pack cut your aunt off a long time ago through your indifference of assuming that just because you were related, you didn't have to make an effort. And you expected her to be all warm and fuzzy towards you on her death?

Take a long hard look at yourselves, realise how poorly you've behaved and apologise to your DD. And then try actually being happy for her and not resentful, and modelling what being a decent human being is for the rest of your grabby family.

I agree that is was a very strange choice by your aunt. Unless your daughter was significantly more in need than her brother and cousins, or gave much more care to your aunt than them, the aunt really should have given them equal amounts. I agree that is has created a very difficult situation. You can't however blame your daughter and she did give quite a lot away.

And that is what is causing the problems, not your daughter. Their feelings are theirs to manage, not take out on your DD because of an unjustified belief in their entitlement.

Who made the comments?

If I was feeling better I would write a length, I don’t so here is the shortened version.

You are greedy, grasping and beyond belief.

Genuine question - she could have left the entire lot to charity, would you have felt that was better?

I can see its hard that your family are now so financilaly unequal to each other. But its your aunt's right to leave her money to whoever she chose - she chose someone who she'd felt close to for a lot of years.

@InterIgnis ahhh let's be Frank and fair here. Who exactly is kidding themselves here? I have acknowledged that's its the aunts money. However I can't get on board with doing such thing. Fairness is something I live by and it is not exclusive to my child alone. Life doesn't work like that!

The aunt has done a terrible thing.

So basically she gave you all 50k and you were so rude in front of her boyfriend she left? How humiliated she must have been!

and you’re whinging that she hasn’t been in touch with you? Have you checked on her?

Made by whom?
Your son?
Other relatives?
You?

How much money would it take for you to stop resenting your daughter? Can you put a number on it?

Would you rather your aunt had given everyone £50k and left the rest to charities?

Why is this so surprising? The OP has described that the aunt and daughter were friends and had been over a number of years due to shared interests and time spent together. The OP also hasn't mentioned how close she and her brother/nephews/son were probably because they were "names in an Christmas card" relatives. This is completely normal and human. A nice gift for her friend.

It's still a bit of salt on the wound when she shows up in brand new clothes every time we see her!

Imagine being this jealous of your grown up daughter 😳

Honestly, get a grip.

how can you resent your own child????

It sounds like you're tearing the family apart, not your daughter.

We're you counting on a big inheritance and have been bitterly disappointed?

I would assume her parents are dead.

But if one of my children had loads in common with my SIL, I'd do everything I could to encourage their relationship. It seems utterly churlish not to.

By the same shit you mean the truth?

OP did allow her daughter to develop her own relationship with her aunt, and said relationship became a close and loving one, and was acknowledged in the will. There’s nothing ridiculous about that at all.

the time to intervene in favouritism was when the children were children.

The op was quite happy for her dd to be the fave when it came with weeks of free childcare…

suddenly objecting when there is money involved is grabby in the extreme

She didn't have to give any of you anything you all sound ungrateful. I bet she wishes she never give you anything now.

I don't think it's as straightforward as some posters make out.

Money is just a facilitator. These days, for most people it mostly affords housing security and a crucial safety net.

Imo, it sounds like your aunt pleased herself first and foremost whilst she was alive and in her will. She was remiss in not realising that doing so within a family context can breed resentment and be divisive. But, that's the woman she was and as much as she had to deal with you all (and you all come across as quite envious of a woman who had nobody but your DD at the end), you have to deal with her.

Your DD is young. Sharing expensive interests with her aunt, and also living with her during covid so taking on some responsibility for her, was probably as much of a "what's in it for me?"/"being with my aunt makes me feel special" choice as a genuine source of enjoyment and companionship/affection/love. She could have kept the entire inheritance to herself. She didn't. She's chosen amounts that could make a significant difference to anyone living in the North. On balance, I think your DD sounds like she's made a mature and rational decision re her inheritance.

I think you're wrong to make her feel bad for it. She's done a decent job of the situation she's found herself in.

As her parent and your DS's parent, however, I think I'd be pretty resentful of the aunt putting you in this position. I think I'd have to ensure that my DS received more on my death than my DD, but also ensured that my DD didn't see that as me loving her any less. It's only about the money.