Would you fall for a romance scam artist?

Romance scam no*, but I do think almost anyone can fall for a ‘straight’ ripoff scam. Not so long ago there was an article in the Sunday Times (IIRC) by a financial journalist who’d been caught. You’d think that if anyone was going to be scam-proof, it’d such as her.

*largely because I’m ancient, married, and TBH would never want any bloke other than dh anyway - if and when I no longer have him, I'd rather have a dog.

😂😂

I was naive and vulnerable in my marriage and although I didn’t fall for vs financial scam artist I think if one of the less obvious ones had targeted me I would have been conned because I don’t watch TV, only social was mumsnet (and not the dating threads) and only knew middle aged married people -do very narrow frame of reference.
I did fall for a man who turned out to be married because I simple didn’t know the ‘red flags’ (didn’t even know that expression!) or think do the simplest due diligence. Because he appeared single, introduced me up his oldest and closest friends (and his son!) We met in RL at a hobby club and everyone there assumed (and still does! ) that he is single (just totally acts that way -out at local pubs/parties etc tho’ he lives with his wife about a mile away(busy urban environment.)
You wouldn’t believe it possible. I would never be so naive again because I am no longer in a vulnerable position and know a much wider range of people including lots of savvy female friends.
(Like a previous poster -just in case he is targeting someone on here - very handsome - initial T - mid 50s, Teddington - cute new puppy)

This is very true! I'm pretty savvy about these things (or so I thought!) but it all depends on what's going on in your life at that moment. The scammers know this.

Few years back, I got hacked out of a business FB account and was upset because my customers were getting spammed. My messages to FB were going unanswered, so I put a message on X to ask if anyone knew how to get an account unlocked quickly. This guy (looked totally credible) replied and gave me an Instagram account of his friend who deals directly with FB. I got so far as talking to 'the friend' on IG messenger until it suddenly hit me this person replied to my message instantly (as though they were just waiting for me) and there was just something a tiny bit 'off' about their use of English.

I then realised (duh!!) of course it was a scam but I played along for another 30 minutes until we got to the inevitable mentions of transfers to western Union etc.

My ability to get sucked in for those first 20 minutes was in proportion to my need to get the problem fixed. The scammers know this which is why they spread the net wide, hoping to find someone who is vulnerable, upset, lonely, desparate in some way.

@WandaWonder victim blaming isn't helpful

Same here. I went from trusting everyone (traumatic childhood) to trusting absolutely no one. Hard lessons.

I always thought no but I listened to a BBC podcast about one who would move in with the women and essentially manage to get them to give up all their savings, while grooming his next victim while “at work.”

I always thought romance scams were just people transferring money to someone they never met but this was scary

Me too! 😁

I think the scammers/ swindlers know that there is a small percentage of victims -in -waiting out there..it would be very enlightening to find out from their p.o.v what makes an easy target.

It seems to me there needs to be a weird combination of factors in play :

1. A vulnerability and a loneliness, perhaps we'll hidden normally

1. An arrogance that results in them thinking 'obviously this handsome Canadian surgeon 20 years younger than me is interested'

1. The same arrogance above that means they dismiss friends concerns when it's obvious it's a scam.

Still find it sad to read about 62 year old June from Halifax who genuinely thought 23 year old Gambian tribesmen Nkwame was genuinely in love with her .

😂😂

Bottom line is just don't send money to anyone unless they're a close family member? These scams would be easily avoided if people weren't so bloody thick.

No because I don't trust people and I'd never send money to anyone unless they were a close family member etc.

But then I don't understand why anyone would send money to a random in the first place regardless of what sorry tale of woe they spun you? Even if you thought you were in love with them and believed them surely alarm bells would be ringing somewhere? And if they don't surely you're a bit thick and naive in this day and age! So I have limited sympathy for people who end up victims of these con artists. Unless they're elderly of course.

@YoureALizardHarry11 true, I am much more scrupulous nowadays. But also very jaded and take no BS. I actually don't think any man would pass muster 😅

I hope I wouldn't but as I've written in another thread, I used to cheerfully hitchhike everywhere with little concern for my safety so I might be a little too trusting of people.
Certainly email & phone appeals I feel certain about. I don't know how I would react if I'd been dating someone seriously for a while. I hope I would be aware enough to step away. I think I'm probably too tight to go ahead with anything like that!
Becky Holmes on X is hilarious with plenty of screenshots of men catfishing her - although with her replies, it almost feels like she's catfishing them as well.
She's written a book 'Keanu Reeves is not in love with you' which is a good read.

Most people probably think they wouldn't however intelligent people have fallen for it so.......

Then it must be fate that has brought you together if they’ve managed to contact you on a platform you don’t even use, it’s magical.. literally 🥰 😂

What? These scumgits who email you out of the blue to say they lurve you and saw profile on Facebook........when you're not on Facebook......and never have been?

If people buy me gifts or speak negatively about another person and messages 100 times a day, is just creepy, is an instant redflag

If someone else was telling me this id say the exact same as you but honestly - I’m as cynical as they come and it didn’t feel creepy. It felt like I had met someone who finally wanted to make me happy and show me with actions how much they loved me. It didn’t feel too much at the time because I was enjoying the attention.

Of course now with hindsight I can see it was a huge red flag. But then again, if he hadn’t turned out to be a liar I would just still be madly in love I guess - you do hear of these love at first sight/whirlwind romances and I guess I’m just guilty of wanting to be happy really.

The horrible thing is that part of me is still in love with him and finding it very hard to get over it. He really did a number on me and you can’t help but miss the way they made you feel even though you know it wasn’t who they really are.

If people buy me gifts or speak negatively about another person and messages 100 times a day, is just creepy, is an instant redflag

Anything that is too good to be true is always too good to be true because it is not real

I met my now husband online and he was none of these at all

Exactly. You just need to remember it’s not about you and you’re not to blame, it’s them! I think that’s the trap so many people fall into, ‘’what’s wrong with me!?’’ But really the perpetrators are so pathetic if they feel the need to use that sort of tactic to be loved

But in way you can reframe your bad experience because for all the hurt it caused you, you can use your knowledge and insight to weed through until you find better. The trouble is, it can turn you cynical and thinking ‘’why bother’’ so it’s a bit of a catch 22 😂

That’s exactly it YoureALizardHarry11
It’s the thrill of it for them I think. And having to fill some sort of void in themselves that can never be filled. They need constant supply.

But I’d never met anyone like this before and had never experienced love bombing so I was green. They target kind, empathetic types as they’re attracted to the qualities they don’t possess and my niceness definitely contributed to me maybe batting away spidey senses when he was being super loving. When you’re very unhappy I guess you want to believe it subconsciously too. It was still a huge shock when he pulled the rug from under me though.

I guess you live and learn.

Part of the reason I stay single is because I know I'm easily manipulated. My ex husband played me like a fiddle. Logically I know you can never trust ANYONE 100% but I feel that I don't make the best choices with men so best to steer clear.

This is a classic case of love bombing, it’s a common tactic used by people who get all their self worth from making others fall for them, because it proves to them they are good enough, it’s not about loving their victim, it just strokes their ego when they succeed.

Loads of people fall for it, especially when lonely. I had it tried on me a few times, men on OLD tend to do this a lot because they’re insecure or narcissistic . Luckily I can spot it a mile off.