Would you fall for a romance scam artist?

ok but change the Facebook request for someone in a bar. You chat to them, they know one of your friends who 'vouched' for them and then a few days later they send you a friend request. They send you messages, mostly normal sort of conversational messages. Meanwhile they hack into your personal messages, find information about you that they use to connect and manipulate you. You feel that no one has ever understood you in this way. This goes on for ages and they might send you some gifts or pay for something for you. You meet up with them and start a relationship. Then things start getting weird. But by that point you're 6 months to a year in. You've sent them money. It's painful to imagine they've deceived you and you're ashamed to tell people

Asking for money 6 months in to a relationship would be a huge red flag to me. It would immediately turn me right off them. I would suggest a bank loan and if they cant get it from the bank due to poor credit history then why on earth should I give it to them?- they are unreliable, clearly.

No, because if I found myself unexpectedly single for some reason (after 20 years of marriage) I would definitely stay single. In the extremely unlikely event that I did decide to date, I wouldn't touch OLD with a bargepole or be open to meeting anyone online via social media. I was always extremely picky irl anyway and would always rather have stayed single than dating anyone with the tiniest of red flags.

I think anyone can potential fall victim to a scam but a romance scam....for a start anyone professing undying love after 3 days , no. Anyone asking for ANY level of money, no, those massive age differences, no.

@Mojitowithelfreako but that what I’m saying. The people sending money probably felt that they knew this man - they’d seen him walking his dog, at work, renovating his house: they were already heavily invested before the scammer came along. The ‘long game’ wasn’t needed.

I had that with "Richard Armitage" on Insta.

No I'm too tight 😂

I saw a programme where the bloke had said he couldn't pay the employees he had working on a bridge they were building because the bridge had been blown up and the presenter asked the woman if she had looked online to find out about the quite major incident and she hadn't.

Not only had it not blown up but there wasn't a bridge. Even the river was made up.

It fascinated me that her supposed boyfriend had been in this massive incident and she had no curiosity about it at all. Even if she thought it was completely true why wasn't she interested in it? She just send him thousands of pounds to cover the wages bill.

I agree with pps who have pointed out that these are just the extreme versions - so many MNetters post about cock lodger situations, men who love bomb, future fake and gaslight. It’s much easier to be taken in than we realise.

I can’t help thinking that these women who end up on tv, exposing themselves to the ridicule of the nation have been taken advantage of tv producers too.

My 2 social media accounts are private, so anyone wanting to be friends or follow me has to be approved: if I don’t know them, I don’t approve them. I’ve had a few seemingly handsome and wholesome men try and friend me: I delete them. A scam I see quite often is on Instagram, one a few months ago.

I follow this particular person, JK, who is an actor/model/singer. Not a huge following, around 11k. One day I get a notification of a follow request from ‘him’ … my first thought is, why on earth would he want to follow me? Looking closely it’s clear the IG name is ever so slightly different to his. So I deleted it. But apparently many didn’t, and JK had to go on his IG feed and tell people NOT to send money to these accounts as it wasn’t him and he would never ask for money. I don’t think the scammer was asking for much, but it would add up, and apparently people WERE sending money. He’s a good looking man and a lot of the comments in his feed are usually hearts and love from women … I guess some of them hoped he would notice them if they sent money.

No, I'd be too mean to part with any money 😂

This. I think it's deeply disturbing that women especially are constantly told to "be kind" and that keeping their money for themselves is somehow selfish or mean. No it isnt. We all have a responsibility to look after ourselves. Just look at inheritance threads where women are constantly told they should share it out even when thats not what the will actually states.

I also fundamentally dont believe that giving someone a wad of cash actually helps them out of debt anyway. If someone is mis managing their money and has a pattern of doing that, throwing more money at it is just kicking the can down the road. It doesnt actually fix the problem- it's like giving a pain killer to someone with a broken leg. The leg needs to be fixed. The best thing someone in debt can do is not get more lent cash- its seeking financial/debt help, working out a budget and addressing the reasons they got into debt in the first place to prevent it happening again. But of course noone wants to hear that because that involves work.

And also, this scam business is relatively recent. There didn't used to be this access to vulnerable people that we have now. It's easy and it's instant. Vulnerable people are often caught in a moment without someone around to give them a shake.

I think if anything happened to dh I would stay single.
Having said that I’m also very careful with who I speak to in general. Probably an age thing but I don’t allow people into my inner circle.
I have my friends and that’s it.
I don’t make conversation with strangers and keep my life private.
I understand others are different.
I enjoy being alone at times.
I don’t need a man to have children with or anything like that.
It must be difficult if you are either; lonely, upset, vulnerable, wanting children, want a relationship, bereaved or feeling off balance.

No, I'd be too mean to part with any money 😂

No, I am very very careful with my money. I inherited some money when my parents both died young so I am quite used to people dropping hints and assuming I will lend them money. I dont do it because if I had done this, I would have literally none left now and it's supposed to last me until retirement which is another 30 odd years away. Therefore I am hyper sensitive to people asking me for cash and if anyone, no matter how charming they seemed, did that it would immediately be in the bin with them.

I am not dissing true victims but when you've already been through dealing with scroungers it does make you much more naturally suspicious of everyone.

My mums next door neighbour did, scammed out of £1000s, he was caught and did it to several woman, hopefully she got some or all of her money back, there was a court case because mum was telling me about it.

I like to think I wouldn't but having watched ConMan on Netflix, where they make the point that you don't need to fall for any old scam, just the right scam to hit all your buttons, I'd never say never.

I am quite wary and quite careful but when dipping my toes back into dating after my last break up I came across someone borderline abusive. Would've quickly tipped in to an abusive relationship if we had got closer and I don't know how easily I would've spotted it going that way. Luckily he was too wrapped up in himself and playing mind games and going on holiday and I had enough space from him physically and mentally that I never went all in and moved myself on and never stopped dating and eventually met DH.

Looking back I wouldn't have said I was a textbook vulnerable case when we met but I definitely gave him more time than a more confident me would've done even a few months later and it took longer than it should've done for the physical element to click. I am 5'3 and could lose a few pounds but I'm essentially not that big, strong or solid. A 5'10 hockey playing, 15 stone, man who works out "playfully smacked" my bum using his whole bodyweight to unleash a slap that sounded like a thunderclap on me when I wasn't expecting it. My bum tingled for 3 days and I couldn't sit comfortably for that time. It wasn't the only thing he did. It wasn't til afterwards that I looked back and thought "shit, he does know his own strength and despite what he says/ how he acted he almost definitely was trying to knowingly hurt me".

If he had smacked me round the face or gone for my ribs or kicked me to start with I'd have done what it took to get out of his house and never gone back and I would've reported it. I would always have immediately urged a friend to dump such a bloke and pointed out the physical danger... but flew close to the flame myself. Not a scam but definitely caught off my game. I am convinced one day he will hurt some girl very badly. I think he's disturbed and will do something that will rightly see him get jail time.

Love the thread title, DH hadn't bought me flowers for years, guess I feel for his romance scam back in the 90s.

My mum is incredibly vulnerable to this. Widowed. Always wants to prove she has done due diligence, so would look up companies house and use that as proof a firm was of good quality.
Likes to keep things private, so wouldn't discuss this - it's no bodies business.
Not lonely but wants to feel needed by strangers. Whether that's people on a cruise ship, local WI members or Facebook

While my dad was alive they got caught by timeshare salesman, half a dozen club/loyalty schemes.
But she knows best....

I got a Facebook friend request from someone called Cody Johnson living in Romania. On googling found Mr Johnson is actually a married country and western singer from Texas.

There was a lady who was swindled out of 800k in person.Cant remember her name .I think he was caught but she hasnt seen any money back.Hopefully women will be more on their guard now ,with many shows highlighting this.However there are many who are lonely and these scammers tap into that

As soon as they said they were from Amazon I'd have hung up.

I was taken in by a phishing email at work- one of those that sends similar emails to everyone you have ever emailed. Largely because Microsoft and our system was completely crap at the time and always asking me for my password to get into One Drive. I thought nothing of opening a document and putting in my password as that is what I'd been asked to do legitimately hundreds of times. I still occasionally repeatedly have to sign into my account and find Microsoft particularly crap for this kind of thing. So some things I could definitely fall for.

Was this the financial journalist scam you were thinking of?

Journalist falls for financial scam

A PP made the point about people who are ‘less online’ being more vulnerable as they’re not aware of red flags in these situations. I definitely agree with this - being on MN has educated me a lot about unhealthy relationships and dodgy situations, plus I’m quite cynical. But the example of other types of scams, like finding someone to deal with a hacked business account, made me think about other things I might fall for.

It sounds like a lot of drama though. My life has been overly dramatic without any help from me and tbh as soon as someone brings it to my door I shut down.

One of my exes slept with a family member before we met and she later accused him of rape - he hid it from me - I feel I was scammed as even when I asked why she wasn't at family events he lied (I was suspicious!). As soon as I found out it was over. No way I would ever willingly get involved with someone with a high need for drama.

I think everyone would say no! But I’m also aware how powerful loneliness can be, and if you’re feeling vulnerable and how these people know how to tap into that.

I know someone who fell for one, she had been single for about a decade, was very unhappy with her appearance/looks, plus her mother had died not long before. She is savvy and normally very switched on, but I think the combination of loneliness, insecurity and grief meant she was a perfect victim for the scammer. I’m sure at another time in her life she would’ve been more aware of the red flags. It was awful, she got most of the money back but she’s now incredibly guarded and doesn’t trust anyone. Even if she did meet someone organically I think she’d be too defensive to allow a connection to develop. I can see why people mock the victims and I know sometimes it’s their own poor judgement, but it’s very sad too.

People do sometimes send money to people they don't know. I am in a FB group that does collections from time to time for people. Granted, the sums people donate are not life changing but it doesn't mean it doesn't happen. The golden rule with giving to anyone is don't give what you can't afford to lose.