Would you fall for a romance scam artist?

I guess no-one thinks they could get sucked in, but people do!

From what I can tell, they target people who are vulnerable and lonely, so might be more ready to turn a blind eye to obvious red flags because they so badly want to believe in it.

No, and i cannot for the life of me understand why people do.

If they ask for money - run for the hills! That's not difficult to understand?

And be realistic about your attractiveness- rating. Look long and hard in the mirror. Is it really likely that that man, 20 years younger and very good looking, fancies you? You'd have to be Joan Collins in her middle years!

And is a celebrity contacting you and wanting to form a relationship? Why would George Clooney want a relationship with YOU?

I'm sorry - I'm coming over as being horrible - but I've seen so many documentaries about this, and the women involved were beyond dim and had no sense of reality about themselves. They even went ahead and transferred money after several warnings...

This exactly how I felt until I lost close to 10k, and since then ive come across so many similar stories. Luckily I found a local company that was able to claim my money back from the bank. Never again

There’s another story about this today. Fair play to the woman speaking out.

But Gary Barlow? And towards the end of the article she says she’s been contacted by victims who were approached by ‘Michael Barrymore’ - WTF!

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-13287373/catfished-fake-Gary-Barlow-Facebook.html

I think the bottom line is people don’t want to believe they have been that foolish
Easier to keep on believing the lies than admit defeat

Yes, I agree- it's not so much a lack of evidence because in many cases the evidence was right in front of them and they still refused to believe it, it's emotional thinking rather than logical thinking that keeps people believing. They want it to be true so they convince themselves it is. Of course we are all vulnerable to that at times which is why it's so important to self reflect and question ourselves before it's too late. I think the gambling analogy is spot on - you get a hit of dopamine when you win which feels so good that you keep on doing it even after you start losing all your money.

I suppose it’s the same with cheating. Why ask your oh when of course they will deny it yet people do. Then the cheat erases the evidence!
Maybe it’s human nature to ask them, who knows.
I think the bottom line is people don’t want to believe they have been that foolish.
Easier to keep on believing the lies than admit defeat.

I don’t get this thinking at all. Why on earth would you ask someone if they are a fraudster? Of course they will deny it and come up with some story. Surely you would do investigations independently?

Exactly. I'm married but if I was dating, I'd be independently googling/researching absolutely everyone I dated to check them out for this very reason, I certainly wouldnt be satisfied with some "clever" answer just because they told me if my gut told me it wasn't right. I've worked in psychology, I know about body language, signs of lying and manipulations and so no, I wouldnt just believe them no matter how elaborate or convincing their story was. Plenty of others would do this too. I also dont believe that all scammers are evil geniuses - many of them make stupid and very obvious mistakes. If scammers really all were genius masterminds, they'd be doing a far more lucrative job than having to con women out of money whilst running from the law.

It does infuriate me that the banks refund! I sometimes have to go phone banking because of problems with the app and get endlessly questioned about the reasons fur eg the 10 transfer to s friend for a ticket.
We are all paying for the refunds to these deluded people.

Definitely,Brad doing special operations for the CIA definitely needs my money to get back to the good old US of A and help his sick child get their life saving operation.

Someone I know did - it was so obvious too when she described the situation, a pilot, U.K. born and bred with terrible spelling should Jane been first warning. She ended up giving him 5k for fees for a parcel he was sending her full of money! I mean come on. The bank refunded her too. Madness

The scammers usually use the same photos so a quick reverse image would tell you who the real person is.

I don’t get this thinking at all. Why on earth would you ask someone if they are a fraudster? Of course they will deny it and come up with some story. Surely you would do investigations independently?

Reminds me of a recent romance scam sad face story I read- the victim was worried that the scammer might be overseas and told him so. Lo and behold, after she expressed this worry, he changed his WhatsApp location to the suburb next to her which incredibly satisfied her. She explained in her sad face story that she wasn’t really stupid because of this evidence- he was just a mastermind changing his location!

How funny! He’s a friend of Brad’s!

Not unless I was ABSOLUTELY CONVINCED it was Timothee Chalamet.

These women don't seem stupid.

But they actually are. The tinder one was so highly frustrating that by the end of it I thought they deserved it for being so stupid.

The thing is that the scammers have an answer for everything. If you're told that the person you've been sending money to is a fraudster - you go straight to them and ask them what's going on, why would anyone say they were defrauding and they have a wonderful, and plausible (to you, who really WANTS to believe them) answer.

They are clever and they are invested in getting more and more money out of those they already have hooked. So they can refute everything (often with 'evidence') that friends and family try to tell you.

😂

Are you suggesting that I, a 45 year old mother of two am not irresistible to a 21 year old hottie? How very dare you 😆

I don't think so, I haven't heard it was made into a film, people would think it was too far fetched to be true!

Poor lad. He was only 18. The trainers were £200. He tried a couple of times with no joy. And then they called him saying to try again or try this different account, stuff like that.

That’s not a scam so much as a typical affair that didn’t pan out the way the OW always thinks it will.

With hindsight (again!) I agree with you and when you look back the red flags are glaringly obvious. The point I was making in telling my story though wasn’t that I necessarily “got scammed” but that I can understand how it happens. You can be groomed by a cheater with lies and half-truths to get into a relationship with him and IMO it’s akin to getting scammed. My point was that I can understand the psychology behind it.

Vulnerable/sad person targeted by a serial cheat, subtlety fed a load of lies that seem absolutely genuine as the person is so nice, kind and normal. How you maybe ignore small red flags as by that point you are so convinced that they are your person that it’s inconceivable that they’d be trying to dupe you. And in my case I asked myself - why would he be lying? He took me out in the area he lived in holding hands, introduced me to work colleagues, had me to his house etc, paid for everything -I had no reason to believe he was lying about leaving his wife - he seemed very unhappy with his situation.
But the ease with which he lived this double life makes me think it must be something he does regularly - his lies were pathological. If it hadn’t been revealed so soon I can see how he could’ve maybe moved to asking for money - not outright asking for it of course but maybe insinuating he needed it for a down payment on a house/to pay off something so he could move on away from his wife. I’d like to think at that point I’d have had the scales properly fall from my eyes - but when you are in love with someone your subconscious doesn’t want to believe it isn’t real.

Also I believe his wife has stayed with him. She is very attractive and has a successful career/is intelligent yet she has obviously been falling for his lies for years. I feel very sorry for her as he must’ve done a complete number on her. She knows I went to their house and that he told loads of lies about her being mentally ill and taking an OD etc yet she has chosen to let him stay. He apparently threatened to kill himself if she left. That proves how persuasive and manipulative a liar he is.

Scammers, cheats, charlatans- they’re all pretty much the same thing.
The point is that if it was at all obvious people wouldnt fall for it. I’m not talking about the Nigerian Prince type stories but the ones who do it very cleverly.
They are pathological liars with personality disorders and are skilled in what they do - it’s like a hobby they are very practiced at.

When I found out the truth about him it certainly felt like I’d been scammed.

For a romance scam to top them all read 'The Bigamist' by Mary Turner Thomson.
It involves marriage of several years, dozens of legitimate and illegitimate children, many mistresses, couple of wives. CIA links (of course)

My jaw was on the floor from start to finish, just unbelievable how coercive this man was.

Well clearly. But the people who fall victim to these things are not thinking rationally obviously. That's kind of the point.

If you willingly keep handing over money then the bank usually don’t reimburse depending on whether the victim has dementia etc, in my experience the bank only tend to refund money when the victim couldn’t have reasonably known, such as clicking on a link or being duped on a one off basis. I’ve known people to get scammed and they’ve not been refunded because they willingly gave money to someone even though the red flags were waving

Ah thanks, thats what I was wondering. Every time I pay a bill online I get a "are you sure this isnt a scam" tick box so I presume they put that in to cover themselves