Family interfering with our dog - a big argument

I’m really surprised a rescue allowed a dog with this history to be rehomed when you were pregnant or had a new baby / toddler ? They usually say no to families with young children so in a lot of ways they’ve really let you down

Yanbu at all.
You're being consistent with him, you feed him the correct diet, and when you can't walk him you hire a dog walker who knows what they're doing.

Your family (I guess parents) announce they're taking him out, instead of asking you. They sneak him snack food without your permission. They come into your house to do DIY that they have decided to do, without asking you.

These are not kind helpful people. They're treating you like an incapable child, and they're treated your home, child and dog as their own. You're right to put a stop to it. They shouldn't be coming into your house uninvited anyway so take their key back if they have one. Family members don't need keys "for emergencies".

You've had some horrible replies here. If you haven't posted on AIBU before: this is where some people post "yes yabu" vicious replies every time. The first few replies to this post were typical of this. And every time someone posts about family members letting themselves into an OP's homes uninvited and interfering with DIY or decorating, we get a contingent turning up to say they're ungrateful.

You would have been better off posting in the dog house topic.

TBH I've kinda lost track of this thread after reading through it with all the replies and bitching back and forth. For what it's worth, here's my thoughts.
We had a Cockapoo which we took from someone who was ill treating it, we didn't want it, and I was working at the time so my wife took responsibility for it but she also took unwell not long after, resulting in me having to give up work and look after all the family. Because the dog pretty much was on the lowest scale as far as I was concerned, I wrongly concentrated on it last, I should have gave it up, but albeit as my wife's conditions stabilised I started taking the dog out for walks and she was a nightmare. Her anxieties and lack of socialising meant she became aggressive at other dogs, and would bark at people. She never bit anyone but would sound and look very aggressive.

As I tried more and more to socialise her, it did become a little easier and she did relax a tad more but for me, the breakthrough came when I bought an extending lead and trusted her with a little more freedom to approach other dogs and people. Some people would screw up their face and look down at me when she barked at them, but then I'd apologise and say she came from a bad home and we're socialising her, some appreciated it and we chatted about it, some just ignored me. I would be careful not to allow her near children, all be it we had small grandkids at the time which she loved, never showed aggression towards them and we always encouraged the kids to feed the dog and share tit bits with her, this gave her the pecking order and to this day she never barked at another kid even out in the street.

As I have her more freedom on the lead, I eventually got to the point where I could take her off the lead altogether and she would still go running towards other dogs but she would happily wag tails with them but she still never tolerated a male dog sniffing her rear end (she never had a litter), but this wasn't a massive issue.

Long story short, sometimes it's not necessarily about the training, it's more about socialising and allowing the dog to make their own mistakes. If you feel it really would be a big issue if the dog were to be trusted outside, make sure you give the dog a little bit of extra freedom with a much bigger dog, and if your dog decides to get nippy, it'll not be long before he/she realises other dogs bites and worse than their barks !!.

As for people interfering, there is nothing more decisive that talk. Get them round, explain how you feel, even if it is awkward, let them know you appreciate their help but only when you ask for it. If they put up a fight, it's time to close the door and let them know the next time they come over, it'll be invite only. You can't change some people, but you can change how they affect you. If you are 100% sure it's not you being selfish, then you're not doing anything wrong by talking to them and letting them know you feel put upon, but be careful they are not genuinely caring about you otherwise you may lose good friends/family. Talk, talk and talk, let them have their say, you have yours and if you can all agree, great, if not, it's time to make decisions.

Hope that ramble helps.

Fair enough but in that case, why the post? She’s taking liberties for telling you what they’re doing with YOUR dog, instead of asking. That’s what I meant by taking liberties. Her taking holiday is by the by

@NearlyBritishSummertimeYay and??

Not he's your dog. You decide noone else

@SENMUM95 - I'd be cross too. Fair enough if they had offered but not sure why they think it's okay to tell you what's going to happen.

Our dogs are generally well-behaved and trained but we have one that is difficult to walk. She's a rescue, very highly strung and can be reactive. No way would we let someone else tell us they were going to take her out.

YANBU at all - no idea why some posters are giving you a hard time.

Ignore the idiots on this thread, OP.

I've got a rescue dog. I got her when she was three (six now). It's taken three years to get her to the point where a man can look at her without her submissively urinating (bad experience with a male owner before she was surrendered).

People ALWAYS bleat on about how particular things need to be done in terms of training rescue dogs. What they fail to appreciate is all that it takes is ONE wrong move, and you've lost two+ years worth of effort and training.

I agree with PPs, stop talking to anyone about your dog (family included) They do not know your dog. They do not know your set up. They will offer all sorts of unhelpful advice/suggestions because they're 'helping.' Sadly, people treat other peoples dogs like commodities and not like living, breathing beings with their own needs, wants and fears.

Report the thread to MN and ask them to move it on the comments box. That worked for me in the past.

Use the Report button and ask Mumsnet to move it for you.

Your error is putting this on AIBU not Relationships board where you'd get a better sort of response. AIBU attracts the ones who enjoy being contrary for fun. Of course it's not ok for your family to tell you what they doing with YOUR dog. And obviously it's not cruel to be training a reactive, abused dog or for them to undermine that

Over on Relationships there will be loads more people used to the type of overbearing, interfering family members you refer to. There was a whole thread once of ridiculous things family had done, like a woman coming home to find a carpet fitter replacing her carpet on her mothers instructions!

Anyway, stop telling your family stuff. They can't interfere and pass judgement if they don't know what's going on. If they have a key so can enter your house to do DIY without you asking (how weird) , take it off them/change the locks. If they turn up without warning clutching hammers or paint, stand your ground and refuse to let them in. If they tend to just barge in, don;t answer the door. Drop contact down and they will get the message.

I think the op potentially feels that their autonomy and decision making is being stepped on by well-meaning relatives who aren't fully thinking how it comes across.

@HelloMiss

well, you always sound rude.

Nope. Find a professional dog walker who does not take liberties

Phew, I thought interfering with the dog meant something else when I read the thread title

If you don’t walk him, who exactly is training him? Also, why wasn’t he trained as a pup?

Hmm I mean from “the other side of the screen” it sounds as though your normal routine with the dog is impossible because your dog walker is on holiday and your SEN dd is at home.

Your family proposed a solution - just thank them and decline.
It sounds as though you’re taking your frustration (at the difficult situation your choices have created) out on your family

Id suggest finding another dog walker/trainer as back up and making better plans for school holidays x

It doesn’t sound like the dog is actually being trained though.

In that case, just don't open the door to them when they come round. Or tell them thanks, but you don't need their help but if that changes they'll be the first people you'll call.