Family interfering with our dog - a big argument

I too would be interested in the other side of this. I wonder if they're seeing a person with chronic illness, a child with additional needs and a slightly out of control dog and they're concerned.
I'm not sure why you'd get such a dog in your situation but that's done now. It sounds like you're in need of a decent dog trainer. Walks aren't going to train out bad behaviour.

You’re not being unreasonable at all. These family members will clearly undo any training you’ve been working on by the sounds of it, and giving your dog treats when you’ve said not to is ridiculous and really annoying!

You’ve unfortunately attracted the kind of people on mumsnet who aren’t great at reading posts properly and just want to shit on the op in general. Can’t imagine getting pleasure out of that sort of behaviour myself, but everyone’s different!

You've had a lot of weirdly aggressive responses here

YADNBU. It's your dog, it's up to you who walks him or spends any time with him. If someone came to my house and tried to tell me they were just taking my dog out for a walk, I'd tell them to piss off, quite frankly.

YABU.

Your poor dog. You don't get it walked enough, it's got behavioural issues that aren't being sorted and when people try to take it out, you get angry at them.

From every thing you've said here, the dog is not "being trained" and should have been trained when you first got him. Nervousness does not preclude training a dog properly, in fact it would have reduced the dog's nervousness to have secure and regular boundaries.

Your responses on this thread have been unreasonable and unpleasant.

If they genuinely want to help could they take him to an enclosed hire field so he can run around and sniff but you know they can't undo any of your training?

offering is different from saying "We are going to"

I can see why you're annoyed. I have a reactive rescue which nobody apart from me is permitted to walk because she's in a training programme which is going really well. My family all think I'm making a fuss because they've never seen what the dog is capable of. They took it upon themselves to walk her without my permission and she went for another dog. No damage to the other dog, but totally unfair and unnecessary, and could well have caused reactivity in the other dog. People need to understand that training a reactive dog is a serious thing that requires total consistency.

I think pps have a point. You’re moaning about feeling infantilised but are behaving quite childishly?

Youre stuck in a parent/child dynamic and you’re very much lashing out like a child. If you can change your approach, your family will too.

Why not try a different attitude with your parents? If your mum phones and tells you she’s going to take Dog for a walk at X place then there’s a better way to respond than snapping, accusing her of interfering and saying you’re fucking sick of all your family.

Perhaps she is concerned because you’re very unwell at the moment, it’s the school holidays and your dog walker is absent?

It sounds like you could do with some help in some form from those around you and you could negotiate that on your terms without being prickly and defensive.

Why not just get a dog you can manage without struggling?

You came on here to ask if you are being BU .You are coming across very aggressive and a lot of attitude in most of your replies. Why bother asking if you’re going to ask like a teenager having a tantrum. I feel bad for your family.

The dog is normally fine when we are in a routine - DD at school and the entire day devoted to training him

You devote the entire day to training him yet he’s jumping at visitors and you can’t walk this small poodle thing with your dd because he’s so badly behaved?

Thats ridiculous and your training methods are obviously doing more harm than good. Get a professional trainer.

I can’t believe PP would be fine with being infantilised like you are if it was them it was happening to.

I agree their intentions are good but their approach is so off. They should ask if you’d like help rather than just stepping over you. I can’t believe they do DIY on your home without asking you!

I’d have a calm conversation with them about how you’re feeling if I were you.

YABU in this situation.

you are also BU by posting in ‘AIBU?’ And arguing with anyone who doesn’t agree with you.

The OP said the dog walker is the only one she trusts to properly walk the dog and keep up its training routine.
It's the OP's relatives who are telling her what they are going to do with her dog and undermining her when she is trying to train it.

Is there any reason why you haven't taken steps to ensure your dog is properly trained and not, quite frankly, a menace to everyone else?

It doesn’t sound like this is a dog that a rescue shelter has rehomed.

I’m sick of hearing about children being harmed by dogs that aren’t suited to being in homes with young dc.

I think you’ve made the wrong decision to take an abused, anxious dog into your family home, and perhaps underestimated the work involved and the logistics of that with children and a health condition that can leave you debilitated.

There's either some posters with serious reading comprehension issues on this thread or a lot of goady twats being deliberately stupid.

YANBU OP for not wanting help from relatives who are undermining your routine and efforts to train your dog. That is the opposite of helping. Why should you be grateful for that?

YA also NBU for not wanting people to come into your home and start doing DIY without even asking you.
They could ask you what they can do to help and that would be kind.
Riding roughshod over you and doing what they think you need whether you want it or not is treating you like a child and is not helpful or kind.

I'd get some specialist training, a harness for awkward dogs (we have a Samoyed so have experience here lol) and train train train. Suspect your family are trying to help - last time we got 'help' my BIL let her off lead and said her recall was pretty good - she was 3 months and our brand new dog in a field with no bloody lead on 🤯🤯🤬🤬

It sounds like you could do with some help if you’re unwell, a single mum and have a dd with SEN.

When your parents (?) say they’re going to take the dog for a walk or turn up and announce they’re going to fix your fence (or whatever) I think you could deal with them in a more mature way.

Why not suggest an alternative? Perhaps they could get you some shopping, mow the lawn, take dd out to the park?

Think carefully about pushing your family away as a single parent juggling lots of responsibilities- attempt a calmer conversation rather than snapping and throwing around accusations?

The dog walker is on holidays. You can't walk the dog. You don't want the family doing it. So who is going to walk the dog?

I think that's a tad unfair tbh, everyone's method of training is different, the OP, like most people, likely has no experience of training a dog and has likely been going round in circles, it takes a lot of patience and thought to actually train a dog correctly, none of us know how to do that, I was lucky myself with our dog as she turned out to be a very likeable dog with everyone we knew, our neighbours used to rush to look after her if we were going away anywhere, and shed a tear when we had to sadly put her down.

My message to the OP would be, if the dog continues to be a problem, and if possible, take him to dog training/readjustment training, but it would have to be the OP that took him, one master, one voice as they say.

I'm sorry, but this is rubbish.

Using gentle training methods, it's perfectly possible to train a nervous, even traumatised, dog, especially when they're young. The older a dog is, the more difficult it will be to train them.

Training a dog that is 2 years old is infinitely harder. Their behaviour patterns will have become far more entrenched in the 2+ years that no training was going on.

They are treating you like an infant TELLING you what they are going to do instead of asking ffs honestly you do that to a toddler