Family interfering with our dog - a big argument

She doesn't have two kids, and she manages the dog fine 99% of the time. It just happens that it's school holidays and her dog walker is on holiday, so it's harder than normal for a few days.

Lots of people pay for a dog walker to walk their dog - it doesn't mean they're not coping or need to re-home.

you clearly can’t manage a dog and two kids and your health conditions. Sounds like rehoming is the kindest option.

This.

There are ways of helping that don't involve going behind someone's back, talking about them and arranging to take their dog out without even discussing it with them first, though.

And OP manages her dog by paying for a professional walker when she's unwell - which is incredibly common. As a walker myself, I've walked loads of dogs over the years for people with various illnesses and disabilities.

I feel your pain OP. This.

"Even if I tell him to get down if he jumps up at people coming in the door they will go on like he is a neglected and abused dog and he is ‘just excited to see us’ - well that’s great but not everyone wants to be scratched to pieces thanks…"

This scenario drove me mad in my house. I had to put posters up at the front door reminding the kids not to look at, or engage whatsoever with said dog, until four paws were on the floor and he was calm.
Dogs need 100% consistency and that's from by everyone involved in their lives, or training fails
It looks like your dog walker and you work well together, and the family are undermining your hard work even though they mean well.
In your situation, I'd just tell the family you appreciate their concern, but you are really bothered about them undoing all of your training, and explain why. If they don't listen, get a big bone or two in, skip the walks and do brain training instead. Good luck-you sound like you are trying really hard.

You have a communication problem. You think you are having a general chat they think you are asking for help and arranging it then are bewildered by your response because you feel undermined by their response and get angry.

I'd suggest being careful what information you give them and how you phrase things going forward - emphasise how under control everything is or mention it after it's happened so they can't interfere.

Was it really wise to get a dog that you can't physically manage? Your family are trying to help not just you but the dog.

I get it OP, don't worry. It's the way they've gone about it rather than the fact they have concerns about the dog.

You're not unreasonable to be pissed off in the slightest. I can't imagine anyone being happy in your shoes, regardless of what they've said on here

Yep, I misread, but I don't think that's any better. You don't just ring someone up and tell them what you're going to do with their pet, home or child, even if you are family.

If her family are genuinely concerned then there are ways of getting that across without being bossy and demanding. I do wonder how everyone on here would respond if their parents rang them and said "right, we don't agree with how you're raising Josie so I've spoken to Fred and we're going to be doing this".

Like you'd all just sit back and say "oh, okay" or be calm and polite about it, lol.

Is maybe there more too it but this event was the straw that broke the camel's back?

Yeah I’m wondering did your health needs appear after you had rescued the dog or wee they already there? It just doesn’t seem wise considering your DC.

But I agree your relatives could be being unintentionally disruptive and shouldn’t be sneaking the dog treats or undermining your attempts to train him to jump up on people or whatever.

Well no, the family member rang op’s phone to tell her- there was no “barging in” the door.

What doesn’t come across in this thread at all is the needs and wishes of your DC. They would be my highest context in all decision making over and above a rescue dog. I do think you’ve taken on too much OP with such a high needs dog in light of the other factors re your own health and your DC additional needs. It’s a lot and I can imagine your relatives are very concerned.

Just tell your family exactly what you said in your first post. They won’t be around to bother you again. Job done 👍

You're literally asking for people's opinions on here and then getting belligerent when they don't agree with you 😂 it sounds like your family members are concerned for your dog. It doesn't sound like you are managing at the moment with having DD home and no dog walker. You don't have to accept their help, you can just say no thank you. If they come round and want to take the dog, you can say no. It doesn't have to be a big drama but you do seem quite argumentative so maybe its your communication style that's the problem?

Judging from the responses and your response to them I’d say you are coming across as pretty argumentative and aggressive if you don’t get 100% agreement and validation from others. I wonder if you are misconstruing a genuine offer of help from people, who don’t have to offer it btw, and probably see that you are struggling.
This does not sound the best of situations for a difficult rescue, and it’s not fair on the animal.

Yeah I think you are being U.
Family members sneaking treats to dogs is normal. Mine do it all the time and I just roll my eyes and smile. They are doing it out of love. Same as when Grandmothers sneak icecream to grandkids.
Just adjust the amount of food you give him if it’s a big deal.

No, what's weirdly aggressive is turning up at someone's house and telling them you're taking their dog for a walk.

If someone is genuinely concerned, then there are other ways to approach the situation. But barging in and saying "I'm doing X" is not the way to go about it.

Telling a family member to Piss Off is “weirdly aggressive “ 😂

Surely the adult response is
“Thanks for the offer, I know I was moaning about the dog playing up, my walker being away and being too ill to get out but I’ve made other arrangements- he’s too difficult for you to take out in public yet- hopefully in time dog walks are something you could do but he’s too reactive at the moment.
Thanks though.