I hate our holiday and want to go home

How do Americans live in UK then? Or why some visit as tourists?

It's like saying once you see Himalayas, no other mountains count.
Beauty is not just one kind scenery.

@stoptryingtomakefetchhappen
👏👏👏

But surely the return flight for one person, plus a modest motel would be about the same as paying for all of them to fly. You don't need to traipse round the theme parks, but join them for downtime and evenings.

As an FYI and maybe why they haven't considered visiting you, Disneyworld passes are generally sold for 14 days in the UK and are very expensive, so they probably want to get their money's worth.

@fashionqueen1183 - technically I could, although flight and accommodation would cost me more than flying them up to where they could stay with their brother for free, and as I haven't been invited I don't want to be a drag on them and what they want to do. At 74 I don't have the energy to deal with long days at Disney. Also, Florida in August in a Disney park is more than I can stand in terms of heat. There's a reason why so many people come to Maine in August from Florida. I am just sad the whole thing wasn't even broached or discussed before it was booked.

I knew people who kill animals for fun were thick as mince, but I didn’t think they were so stupid as to repeat a ‘holiday’ to Aldershot, repeatedly fail to hire a car, not bother to go anywhere and wonder why it’s not fun, for ten fucking years.

😂😂😂😂

Could you fly and join them at Disney for a few days in the parks? Presumably if they’ve booked a week or two there isn’t time to fly to another state. So if you have more time could you go and meet them there?

@SerafinasGoose
OP and OP's partner are already shelling out the funds for transatlantic flights every year, on account of the fact that MiL is afraid of flying and refuses to visit them. That's already a significant chunk out of their pockets, not to mention time, of which US holiday entitlements allow less.

I get its frustrating but it was OP and partner who chose to live abroad, in the USA no less, which is a long flight and notorious for pretty poor holiday entitlement. They knew all these things in advance. It was their responsibility to factor in how they will manage seeing their family after emigrating, both practically and financially. If family can come and see them, great, but they can’t expect it when the choice to live in a long haul destination was theirs and theirs alone.

People are talking about fear of flying like it’s MIL just being a bit annoying, but it can be completely debilitating. To expect her to do a long haul flight in those circumstances, presumably alone, is pretty unfair in my opinion.

Yes that's fine but @Backwoods57 really can't afford to do that. So I suggest she saves up for a few years for a visit.

I agree that the OPs husband must put the effort in to change the situation.

However, it’s not the SILs fault and I can imagine she is not exactly delighted and probably quite inconvenienced by op and her family setting up camp in her house for 2 weeks. I stand by my opinion that yes OP should absolutely be grateful for this.

And regarding where you say, ‘The thing so many Mumsnetters fail to acknowledge when they exhort other women to take on all timely, financial and emotional burden of their husbands' families as well as their own’
I disagree. I absolutely not not think this is reasonable at all and I WOULD NOT put myself in this position.

I live in Maine and two of my children (and two of my grandchildren) live in the UK. I definitely hear you on this. I made the choice to come here and I have more time and more money than they do but my DD and her DH are taking the kids to Disneyland this summer with no plans to visit me here or her brother in NJ. I would have gladly paid for them to fly to NJ (cheap domestic flight) and driven down to see them if it had even been discussed as a possibility but it was booked and paid for before that happened. As it is we have a difficult year financially so we won't be making trips out of the US this year.

@SerafinasGoose

I get it now loss of hour of sleep has made me obtuse😂.

OP isn't protecting herself and her family from the animals they meet out hiking, they actively go hunting so yes the animals have got two weeks off from being shot

Granted. Strikes me that both DP and SiL need to be far firmer with their mother. No one else seems to be getting a great deal out of this situation

OP could also stop being so nasty to her SIL. There's that too.

Yep - my sympathies also lie firmly with the SIL. Imagine having to host them all. Then they make very few plans, sit around moaning and expect to be driven everywhere. Poor woman! Then after all that OP says her house is small and dirty.

Oh the house is too small for you OP? But you won’t spend any money on an airbnb? It’s probably messy because SIL is spending her whole time driving you lot around.

No idea what you're on about, I was just amused by the comment

Granted. Strikes me that both DP and SiL need to be far firmer with their mother. No one else seems to be getting a great deal out of this situation.

$4K on flights etc to spend my precious holiday time in this way would be a complete non-starter for me. Hiring cars and visiting the New Forest isn't going to take care of this problem. The set up isn't working. But if these siblings (I'm assuming they're siblings) are amenable to putting up with the situation and no one's willing to change, then unfortunately the onus for that is entirely on OP.

It's a hackneyed MN cliche, but this sounds very much to me like a DP problem. I'd recommend, OP, that you have a read of Susan Forward, and 'The Power of "No"'. Both could be game-changers for someone in this position.

@swayingpalmtree thread is really identifiable as well if sil or even a friend of hers is on MN

The thing so many Mumsnetters fail to acknowledge when they exhort other women to take on all timely, financial and emotional burden of their husbands' families as well as their own, is that relationships are a two-way street, and that MiL is not their mother. She's his

This also applies to the SIL as well. Who has been putting the OP up in her house, spent her time driving them around to here and there because they wont hire a car. OP is then being rude about her behind her back and calling her house small and dirty.

My sympathies lie with the SIL in this scenario- she sounds like the one who has the largest burden here and is also being royally slagged off to boot.

Ever been hiking in the woods in Maine?

I don't hunt, and didn't when I lived in the US. Like many on this thread, I'm strenuously opposed to it.

It's also clear that apex predators in the US and UK don't even compare. When I go walking in British woods I don't encounter lynx, moose or bears.

It's not exactly a situation that commands gratitude. OP and OP's partner are already shelling out the funds for transatlantic flights every year, on account of the fact that MiL is afraid of flying and refuses to visit them. That's already a significant chunk out of their pockets, not to mention time, of which US holiday entitlements allow less.

To expect them to shell out still more money to avoid this kind of discomfort - on a yearly basis no less; not least spend additional funds on taking MiL somewhere nice when she can't even be troubled to host properly - is hardly reasonable. Recall: MiL is the one insisting on this arrangement to suit herself. Where's the compromise on her side?

The thing so many Mumsnetters fail to acknowledge when they exhort other women to take on all timely, financial and emotional burden of their husbands' families as well as their own, is that relationships are a two-way street. Also, MiL is not their mother. She's his.

It's DP who more immediately needs to come on board with a workable solution for this situation. At present, it isn't working for OP, meaning advice on lovely things to do in the southern UK are really aside from the point. She doesn't want to be here with this degree of regularity, shelling out funds and holiday entitlement from her own pot, with in-laws who don't possess the art of compromise.

This is entirely reasonable.

I am truly not that dense as to think the op would want to spend two days a week at a soft play. It was just a suggestion for a mornings entertainment , that is very close since she has no transport.
This area is packed with things to do as been mentioned by many people and I don't feel the need to list them again.
Except maybe Bisley rifle range!

I suspect the lack of planning was because OP really doesn't want to come over - which is fair enough really - she loves rural USA which is very different - maybe she needed to hit rock bottom and hope her DH did as well to be firmer in future and find some kind of compromise plan. I do feel for SIL here though - I can image she praying OP does something different next year at very least.

😂😂😂

To all those trying to claim Hampshire is somewhere worth holidaying - have a day off will you.

Sorry Hampshire is beautiful, it's Jane Austen country and the coast only a drive away..

Whipsnade, Woking, Windsor Fleet and Guildford'? WTF? I don't care whose car they drove in

Apart from Fleet, none are in Hampshire

She isn’t shooting animals for food, she said she does it for fun. She kills animals for fun. Pure psychopathy. They walk among us!

Jesus might actually weep today. Is that all there is to do? Soft play TWICE a week! A park (singular). I should think this post is probably enough to have OP weeping under a weighted blanket, chanting her flight number.