I hate our holiday and want to go home

As I am English I did find your post a tad rude. You have made your move to the states and now it is so so much better than the U.K for you, you are then Critical of everything British.
there is lots to do in the UK but it sounds like you resent coming here for family and that is your biggest issue. You will never enjoy it when you really don’t want to be here.
I have lived in lots of countries over the years and yes it was great but I have never once felt the need to be so negative about my own country.
get out in the fresh air and enjoy your time with family. Family are very important and that is said by someone who spent the majority of time in care.

Do you have family? Isn’t this the price of moving away from family?

So do that. If MIL really wants to see her son and grandchildren, the onus is on her to brave the flight. She currently has no incentive because you all pander to her.

Missing the point, but you go shooting at your log cabin with two children under 5?
My friends who live overseas, including some in the US, have a packed schedule when they come over to visit parents or in laws, and spend their time travelling round the country catching up with friends. Don't you and your husband have any other friends or relations you want to see?

Can't DH bring the kids by himself, and you come back every 2-3 years?

I grew up in the UK but my family were in Australia - mum would visit with me once a year or so, but my dad always stayed at home. Partly due to cost but also because it's unrealistic to expect someone to use up so much annual leave to visit someone else's family.

So, I live in Farnham - loads to do - Alice Holt for country walk and Go Ape is ace if you have kids; Bourne Woods for more walks (and the occasional Marvel film crew); masses of stunning National Trust Properties with beautiful gardens; Guildford with it’s contemporary cathedral; Winchester just 35 mins down the A31 with a medieval cathedral and some great historic sites all within walking distance (there are treasure hunt/walking tours in line you can download); great restaurants in Farnham, Guildford and Winchester (The Ivy and the new Luxe); ice rink in Guildford, Water parks, Alton Park for theme park attractions

oh, and London is a train ride away.

You only needed to google to find masses to do. It’s one of the most desireable places to live for a reason - and above are just some of them.

Otherwise, I’m sorry my home town is such a shithole and the national policy on tap water offends you (you could do your bit to decimate the planet by buying bottled of course).

The issue is you. Please take yourself home a few days early.

Next time visit in June before the schools break up. Spend a few days with MIL then hire a car and book a cottage in Wales or Devon or Dorset. Maybe visit every other year so you can save up for it.

Having been to the US recently I can't believe you are finding the UK expensive. The US is eye wateringly expensive at the mo. It kinda feels like you are determined to be miserable and moan about a trip you don't want to make. When we visit family in the USA we tend to break it up with a trip somewhere touristy. That helps ensure we get some family time and also we get a chance to visit somewhere new.

ANY holiday where you are stuck in cramped accommodation with family (who probably don't want you there for more than a few days), with no car and the horrid weather we have had recently is going to be a challenge. If you come again put your foot down and come for a week or only come every second year so you can afford to rent a cottage or have a car while here. Is your MIL really frightened to fly or just doesn't fancy it, if the latter could you spend some of this $4k on paying for her to fly to you instead?

I live in that area, Aldershot is a shit hole.

However, we are very lucky in transport links, there are 3 theme parks, London is an hour away, you can get a railway card and it is cheaper.

Portsmouth, Southampton and places in between all via train. The number 1 bus takes you all over surrey and hampshire, get a family bus ticket.

You have basingstoke canal, which given the weather might not be brilliant,

There is a ton on at the moment due to Easter.

Failing all of that, there are the arcades in Farnborough and Camberley

Also OP- just get on the train to London! If you can’t walk to the nearest station and SIL can’t do a lift then get a local taxi. It’s like 45-50 minutes into central London from Aldershot or Farnham. Then loads to do! Most people live around there because of how easy the commute is. It’s not too expensive either, like £20 for an adult and under 5s free.

Plenty to do with kids in the Surrey/Hampshire area! Difficult in winter but there are lots of kiddie activity farms, national trust cafes. The new forest 😍 London isn't far on the train for a day trip.
Maybe arrange a few nights away to explore further afield next time

we have done very little apart from visit family and sit in my SiL's cramped dirty messy house.
Any destination is awful if you spend it like this. Why didn’t you make plans? Get out and do something!!

This. There are loads of gorgeous places and fun things to do in England you've just chosen not to do them. Id also say you chose an odd time of year to come, march often has awful weather.

English tap water is among the best in the world so f*ck knows why you are whinging about it.

Are you from the UK, OP? Do you not have any family or friends you want to catch up on?

Considering your preferred holiday, I don't get why you haven't booked a campervan here and agreed to meet up in Wales. Or, a few days to see your MIL and then do a camping road trip in France, Germany, the Alps etc.

I bet she hasn't offered to pay for petrol either.

Honestly Aldershot is not as bad as everyone thinks (I mean obviously don’t go to the “high street” though, why would you?) and Farnham has some lovely spots too. Both have excellent rail links to London, where there is plenty to do, and also to the surrounding areas, which offer lots of options in nature, since that seems to be your preference.

Aldershot has one of the UK’s smallest country parks which is actually lovely (Brickfields), in the local area there’s also Tice’s Meadow Nature Reserve, Caesar’s Camp, Farnham Park, Alice Holt (which has a play trail, bike hire, activity centre, and a Go Ape), The Sculpture Park in Churt, Frensham Great Pond for swimming, the River Wey in Guildford, the Surrey Hills Area of Outstanding National Beauty.

Almost all of those are free and can easily be done in half a day to get back for the school run… I’m guessing you just hate it here on principle though, due to previous visits and the company of your partner’s family 🤷‍♀️

It sounds very lacking in initiative to have been doing this for ten years without making any attempt to effect change.

There are plenty of potential day trips and affordable transport options.

We moved to the USA in 2016 and return once or twice a year to visit family. My dad is too old to travel; MIL and FIL used to visit us but FIL died recently and I don't know if MIL will do it on her own. There are also lots of brothers, sisters and cousins we like to try and see.

It is very expensive especially car hire which is approx x2 what it costs in USA. And you have to worry about insurance also. You can shop around and get good deals though, especially if you are ok with manual transmission. Try Costco travel.

We normally spend a lot more than $4000 (even just the flights cost us more than that) so you are doing well!

We often either get an Airbnb in which to meet family, either in the uk or Europe (sometimes we pay / share the cost and sometimes they pay depending on which side of the family) or do a road trip to see lots of people for 2-3 days each and fit in some fun on the way.

In your situation I think I would make the visit a lot shorter, a week max but maybe even less. I know jet lag can be painful with little kids but it's probably still worth it. As pp have said you could tag in a separate holiday in Europe somewhere if you wanted to get more value from the flights.

I know what you mean about not being able to explore the US because of the UK time and money cost. I don't mind for us because we all enjoy the time with family but it would sometimes be nice to have more flexibility.

13 days sat in MILs house doing nothing is taking the piss. I’d be speaking to my OH about the unrealistic expectation to do this every year.

Next year can you do a few days at MILs and then head off to somewhere in Europe yourselves? Can MIL fly short distances and spend a long weekend with you all somewhere nice?

You can't be fully reliant on someone else ferrying you around and then bitch about it.

You aren't staying in the best location.
But the UK is tiny compared to the USA, so hire a car next time and do trips.
London is a world class city, the rest of Europe is very close.
Airfare around Europe is often a lot cheaper than USA.
Visiting family does require a lot of planning and is never going to be cheap but it could be better than your current experience.
We are expats in the USA so have done this.

This is annoying. Maybe next year you can do a quick visit and spend some time in Europe?

Our family live in Spain so we visit annually. We absolutely would never go without renting our own car, it’s a nightmare when you’re dependent on someone else for transport.
i don’t know the area you’re in well, but surely there are things to do other than High Streets? Country parks etc? You can easily get the train to London from there too, and you can’t say there’s nothing to do in London!

You don’t sound like you’ve helped yourself here.

@Backwoods57 - you wrote "I have decided I am not coming next time, however my partner doesn't want to travel with 2 kids under 5 so I will probably end up having to." - Nope, nowhere in the marriage vows does it mandate that combined travel is a requirement. If he wants to visit his mother, he can. I grew up only seeing one of my grandparents regularly, two were already dead and the fourth lived a long time in the US and only returned to my country when she retired and was very very old. I really didn't have a connection with her. There is nothing to say that your kids have to have a riveting relationship with this woman. He can travel by himself or he can visit for the start and end of a European trip that you can all get to enjoy. I can't imagine that it's much fun for the kids either.